You often hear supporters of abortion say that they are not “pro-abortion” While this makes no sense when they do in fact support a women being able to choose abortion, it is true on one level.
If tomorrow a 100 percent perfect form of contraception became available and realistically the option for abortion was never needed they would not mourn the loss of chemical or surgical abortion. In fact what they would like is if each women had a switch where her fertility could be turned off and off as desired. Mostly they would want this switch in the off position and in fact to be comparable to a switch on a aircraft that launches rockets. That is lots of warning and break-wire to make sure it was not tripped accidentally. The culture of death would not be too concerned if this perfect form of contraception was not entirely free of side effects. This has never been too much of a concern for them, though no doubt they would prefer it to be so.
No what the supporters of abortion are is anti-child. A child should never result unless they have deemed the timing perfectly convenient and that the child is 100 percent willed. They are open to life only on their terms and a gift of a child is a gift that should be returned or best never received at all. The sexual act must be totally divorced from the natural consequences unless directly willed. The old “Every child a wanted child.” Of course they never take into account that this is not the fault of the child, but of their will. They should directly will that any child they have is wanted.
One of the greatest evils of our age is the promotion of sex as not being only in the context of marital relations and the related divorce of procreation from the marital act. So many errors flow from this. Once this attitude is taken then when a child naturally results it must be suppressed for the sin of inconvenience. The human child then becomes not a person, but an intrusion that must be eliminated if possible. Once the contraceptive mentality is accepted it will then go on to excuse any evil act. Children must be prevented by any means possible. But if you choose to have a child then it is often in the context of a family quota. Children are okay when you are ready, but not too many. I was certainly guilty of this attitude and thought after one boy and one girl, that’s it. It is pure selfishness and an act of control not love.
No surprise that family life is in such decline. Sin is in the will and we have willed wanting control and not giving of our selves. A child becomes a spreadsheet representing rows and columns of costs. A child will deprive me of doing or buying such and such. Can we be surprised at ramped divorce in a culture of selfishness? Abortion just means that we will murder the innocent to maintain our selfishness.
23 comments
Perfect, Jeff. Exactly so. And I wonder if anti-child is also a denial of one’s mortality. The Holy Father said as much yesterday.
I honestly don’t think pro-choice women would ever want to do without abortion, even with an absolutely 100% failsafe conctraception. Our nation is not lacking in cheap, safe, effective forms of birth control–even ones that last for months at a time.
It seems to me that it’s more the complete abandonment of personal responsibility and the insidious growth of the culture of death that is at work here.
Like you said, a woman is being absurd if she thinks she is “pro-choice” but not “for” abortions.
I agree that this entire issue is anti-child. It has deep roots in our culture because selfishness is the lifestyle of the fashionable.
Thanks for the post.
Lara
My husband and I have five kids, all adopted. A former neighbor of ours once accused us: “The only reason anybody would have all those kids is for the money from the state.” That gives the general attitude we’ve often met.
I have told my husband we must be doing something wrong, as we’ve yet to turn a profit on the kids….ha!
You got me thinking with your juxtaposition of “Every child a wanted child” and the phrase “the gift of a child”—there’s a tension there that folks overlook. It is exactly about control—the contraceptive idea is that children should be the result of our wills, not God’s will. We should be the creators. The concept of “gift” has, in the end, no place in this mindset, because by definition we don’t control gifts.
Peace,
–Peter
Children are beautiful”
You hit the nail on the head (not that it’s a small head). The culture of death is a culture of death even if abortion were not the “death”. Thanks for a thoughtful and thought provoking post!
Since the beginning of time there has been an anti child element. Think of Herod and the slaughter of the Innocents.Today’s world is bordering on insanity which seems the inevitable result when the mind and heart reject the Light and begin to walk towards the Dark.
It can happen to any soul . Henry the 8th began as an ardent Defender of his Faith. Martin Luther began as an idealistic young priest.
The old saying “there but for the grace of God go I ..” has much wisdom.
The devil is always looking for ways to cut off the grace lines that nourish and strengthen the soul and enable discernment.
Jeff wrote: [contraception] is pure selfishness and an act of control not love… Abortion just means that we will murder the innocent to maintain our selfishness.
Contraception selfish? most certainly. Purely selfish? I’m not so sure. I would argue that contraception has its roots not so much in selfishness but in fear.
Scott Hahn speaks of pedophobia in one of his CDs. Dr. Ray Guarendi suggests that the fear parents have of not being able to control their children is unprecedented. Pope John Paul II’s repeated world youth day message: be not afraid.
I would argue that cost alone is not one drives people to contraception. If I told my co-workers I had four Porsches, they might believe I made lots of money, they might believe I had no money left, they might wish they could have some Porsches too, they might believe I was spendthrift. They would not, however, believe I was brave for having expensive cars.
Why do people believe I am brave for having children? Cars, no matter how expensive, are not scary. Children in today’s culture are.
Turn on the TV or watch movies and you quickly learn that fathers just cannot handle a family alone for even one day. Fred Flintstone’s house overflows with rice, Archie Bunker almost starves to death, the dad in Family Ties has no inner strength, Tim the Toolman always bungles the simplest aspect of any relationship or technology, Steve Martin (cheaper by the dozen) cannot deal with a child’s vomit before other children start to wallow in it, Roger from Foxtrot cannot BBQ burgers or last more than 2 moves in a game of chess, Alan Thicke (growing pains) blows his cool every episode and needs his wife to calm him down, Tony Danza can seduce his boss but cannot find employment other than as a housekeeper, and we haven’t even gotten into the Omen, Aliens, and the Fly.
The message to ladies is clear: don’t expect any help from men because the willing aren’t able. If you can’t become the supermom who can hold down a job, raise children, and sooth a husband who is even more of a troublesome drain than a rebellious teen – you can’t handle it. It’s too difficult. If you aren’t a superwoman, you can’t have kids – get an abortion if you have to.
Sadly, messages of hope (e.g. World Youth Day) which run counter this are the exception in the Church rather than the rule.
Despite the prevalence of contraception, abortion, and other evils – I still believe most people are actually fairly generous and unselfish in their intent when it comes to raising a family. I would suggest that fear is stifling the generosity. It has been said that it wasn’t so much rebellion underlying the rejection of Humanae Vitae – it was a loss of nerve.
While only a love stronger than death can drive out the fear which underlies contraception and abortion, this love is available through the sacraments – especially in the sacrament of marriage. I would go so far as to say that if couples were to tap into the graces required to drive out their fear of children – the already present generosity would flow quite readily.
I’ve heard from Birthright councillors that informing young women of their options and the support available goes very far in soothing their fears and they often choose life once their fears are dealt with. Perhaps we murder the innocent more out of fear (the cornered rat variety) than selfishness.
C/J – Thanks for the post. I cannot disagree with anything you say, and it just makes me so very sad to think it is all truth.
Pray for the conversion of pro-abortion minds, and don’t just pray but actively witness the wrong. This year alone I have heard of 3 women, through friends that I know, that have “unwanted pregnancies.” I offered to get word to them that my wife (and 4 children) and I will take that baby if they carry it – anything rather than see it die due to “inconvenience” (in one form or another – that is what it is, indeed).
No takers yet, but I know at least one of them made it’s way into this world – into the home of one of the message relayers I sent. What we are willing do do sometimes makes an impact on those who hear us speak it out loud.
Listen to me – “speak it, out loud.”
Peace and Blessings to you, all.
Wow great writing! This reminded me of what a friend just posted on her blog (recent new convert that teaches RCIA).
http://pewspective.blogspot.com/2009/06/taking-direction.html
The way film and television portrays parents, particularly fathers, is out and out offensive. In particularly I take offense at Steve Martin’s portrayal in the remake of Cheaper by the Dozen. In the original CBtD, The father and mother were both industrial engineers specializing in motion studies to improve efficiency, and were both competent parents (though odd as both were engineers. Not an idiot football coach who can’t handle one kid much less twelve with out trouble ensuing.
In the original, there is also a great scene where a lady from planned parenthood comes to the door because a neighbor has jokingly told her that the parents would be very supportive of her work. The parents play along for awhile, over time their twelve children drift in and the PP lady is shocked to find out that all 12 kids are from the same family and she gets a verbal going over by the parents. The movie is far from sympathetic to the PP lady’s plight, casting her in a bad light. Of course this is the 1930s so that isn’t so surprising.
I am the youngest of Seven, and my Father was neither a boob nor unable to deal with all of us at once or in total. My Father was brilliant, and My Mother is brilliant. She put her career and education on hold to raise us all to be accomplished and independent people. At 81 she doesn’t regret any of it. She doesn’t feel duped or like she missed anything. She is highly critical of the “feminist” movement as they obviously give woman only one option for success.
This is why the left attacks Sarah Palin, and why they attack large families. Sarah Palin is a heretic in their view, and families, particularly large ones, are a result of self-sacrifice. Can’t have that can we?
If we consider that our Creator created in lavish amount, all this world, all these peoples, out of love, then we must posit that children are the means by which God tries to via the relationship of marriage, expand our hearts to be more God size.
As the mother of nine, I’ve been told I could not possibly love them all, but I was also told that when I only was expecting my third.
I think Marshwiggle is right. And I think the fear is not so much a fear of children per se as a fear of the effect of children on one’s life. As in growing up. When you have a child, you have to grow up, you have to put someone else’s welfare ahead of your own, you don’t get to be a self-indulgent, sexually-active teenager any more. If you limit it to two kids, you get to go back to being a sexually-active self-indulgent teenager in a few years.
I’m a father of 11, including one beautiful daughter with Down Syndrome. I’m pushing 50. I will be 65 when she’s 19. I will never have a time in my life when I can pretend I’m 18, that I can act like a irresponsible kid. That is a burden I picked willingly 28 years ago. I grew up.
So many in my generation simply and adamantly refused to grow up. At a high school reunion a few years ago, I heard an incredibly sad thing. “High school was the best time in my life, and I often wish I could go back.” A lot of her classmates had spent the intervening 25 years not leaving.
Couldn’t agree more. Children are a gift from God, and every child should be a wanted child. Sex has become much more of a common thing in my life time and this is certainly not a good thing. I wonder if there is any way to get this into people’s heads? The amount of abortions and children left without parents is sickening.
Yep, I think fear is the stumbling block for many couples. There are often cases too in which one spouse is more afraid of having children than the other, or is afraid to have more because the first child is particularly difficult or has special needs. Sometimes this fear can be overcome but other times, sadly, nothing the other spouse does seems to work.
Another often used argument against having children, which I used to kind of sympathize with and sometimes still do, is “Why would you want to bring children into a world as messed up, corrupt, sinful, violent, etc. as this?”
Well, one of the best replies to that argument comes from, believe it or not, a new Spanish-language Coca-Cola commercial (“Encuentro/Encounter”, available on You Tube) in which a 102-year-old Spaniard shares his outlook on life with a newborn baby and his mother. “Many will say you picked a bad time to be born,” the man says to the baby, “but it will only make you stronger… and you will remember only the good times.”
I think Burnt Marshwiggle’s post was brilliant. Fear is the root cause of much of the pro conteaception and pro abortion mentality.Understanding this can help us to be compassionate and patient in our pro life endeavours.Many of the “adults” in our culture are still like neglected and or abused children full of fear and anxiety.Those of us lucky enough to have inherited the faith know we can trust in God and perhaps we underestimate or forget how this pricelss gift protects us whereas those without it or those with weakened faith can find life’s problems terifying and utterly overwhelmimg so they need Truth communicated with gentleness.
I think Burnt Marshwiggle’s post was brilliant. Fear is the root cause of much of the pro conteaception and pro abortion mentality.Understanding this can help us to be compassionate and patient in our pro life endeavours.Many of the “adults” in our culture are still like neglected and or abused children full of fear and anxiety.Those of us lucky enough to have inherited the faith know we can trust in God and perhaps we underestimate or forget how this pricelss gift protects us whereas those without it or those with weakened faith can find life’s problems terifying and utterly overwhelmimg so they need Truth communicated with gentleness.
Yep, I think fear is the stumbling block for many couples. There are often cases too in which one spouse is more afraid of having children than the other, or is afraid to have more because the first child is particularly difficult or has special needs. Sometimes this fear can be overcome but other times, sadly, nothing the other spouse does seems to work.
Another often used argument against having children, which I used to kind of sympathize with and sometimes still do, is “Why would you want to bring children into a world as messed up, corrupt, sinful, violent, etc. as this?”
Well, one of the best replies to that argument comes from, believe it or not, a new Spanish-language Coca-Cola commercial (“Encuentro/Encounter”, available on You Tube) in which a 102-year-old Spaniard shares his outlook on life with a newborn baby and his mother. “Many will say you picked a bad time to be born,” the man says to the baby, “but it will only make you stronger… and you will remember only the good times.”
I remember a time when I used 3 contraceptives at the same time, the fear of getting pregnant again was so great. My husband and I had one child, but we did not feel adequate parents, and I was not sure my marriage was going to work out.
I was raised in a nominal Catholic family, so I didn’t know about generosity. Or not much. Finally Our Lord had to intervene for me to have another child. When I told my parents we were expecting, my mother sent me a long letter telling why I should not have another child… But she says she loves children.She still has no faith.
Faith changed everything, but I keep on saying that one cannot understand the pro-life movement without faith.At least one needs a minimum of common sense.
Also, don’t forget that secular society keeps raising the bar for what constitutes a “good parent” at the same time that society makes it more difficult to reach that bar.
It used to be that as long as your kids had a roof over their head, clothes to wear (didn’t matter whether they were fashionable or made out of flour sacks as long as they were decent), food in their stomachs, could read, write, and do math, and had decent manners, society considered you’d done a good enough job as a parent. If a child went off the rails as an adult later in life and got into drinking, gambling, etc. the responsibility for that choice was placed squarely on the child.
Today, however, as a result of contemporary psychology, parents are often held responsible (or hold themselves responsible) for EVERYTHING their child does not only in childhood or adolescence but well into adulthood. Parents not only have to make sure their children are fed, clothed, housed, and literate, but are also expected to manage their social life with their friends, insure that they are constantly occupied with activities like sports, etc., make sure they get superior grades and get into a “good” college, and fulfill all their emotional needs. They are expected to control their behavior at all times and not “spoil” them but also not damage their “self esteem” with any punishment that might be considered excessive.
The days when kids could get by with wearing the same clothes several days in a row, hanging out in the neighborhood or at the playground all day long, going to movies or other events by themselves, and adults weren’t expected to entertain or intellectually stimulate them all day long are long gone. The days when parents could get by with swatting a child’s behind or saying “do this because I said so” are long gone too.
No one is ever a ‘good enough’ parent by society’s standards. For that matter no one is ever ‘good enough’ period — which is precisely why we need a Savior and why we need the grace provided by the Sacraments. Without a real, living grasp of God’s love and the grace He provides, it’s pretty easy to think that you’re not ‘good enough’ to accept the gift of children.
Part of the problem is we have no idea what marriage with small children is like when we walk down the aisle. When our parents came from large families, their youngest siblings were still in diapers. They lived around small children their entire life. Their younger siblings grew up around their children so small children was a constant in a family. Now we have our 3 children homes and those children never get to see what taking care of an infant and toddler is like 24/7. So when they have their first child they are ‘on the fly’. They have a fairytale concept of what parenting a small child is like and then they are hit with reality.
At my bridal shower I was given a button that said, “Birth Control.” When you pushed the button you heard a baby cry…apparently someone thought it was funny.
One quibble with your post, Jeff.
Even if there were perfect contraception, pro-aborts would still want to keep abortion, because sometimes a woman changes her mind, I mean, her circumstances change, and she wants abortion even when she intentionally got pregnant.
Burnt Marshwiggle is right on. I’d only add that the U.S. is overrun with anxiety disorders. “Anxiety disorder” is an umbrella term & covers a lot of different stuff, but it’s the most common form of mental illness in the US. While we have an epidemic of pathological fear (of various sorts) in the country, it’s not surprising that fear can significantly influence a woman’s decision and many people in the culture will think it’s perfectly reasonable.