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Sundays and other Holy Days of Obligation are well marked with helpful reminders such as:

“Jesus is in the Eucharist waiting for you on other days besides Christmas and Easter.”

“Adding one more hypocrite to the pews won’t hurt anything – so come join in – you just might find the narrow path.”

“Did you know there are 51 Sundays you can go to Mass in the year besides Easter?”

Jesus called us to love our enemies and to do good toward those who persecute you.  So with Enemies List you can track your enemies and subsequently set up reminders to pray for them, commits acts of sacrifice for them, and to do good for them when you can.

Some great features includes Groups where you can import default lists of enemies such as Pro-Abortion Politicians with one click.  Unfortunately there are so many of them it makes it hard to pray for each on individually, so the groups button is a helpful way for you to remember to do so.

There is even a Coal Fire option where you can enter what good you did for an enemy as a reminder to do so

“But if thy enemy be hungry, give him to eat; if he thirst, give him to drink. For, doing this, thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head. Romans 12:20″

This sandwich is the perfect Lenten sacrifice.  Not only are you abstaining  from meat, but you are eating some unknown square shape fish that actively offend your taste buds. In fact eating more than one of these badboys at one sitting will really show your love for God and ability to offer sacrifice.

With the Filet-O-Fish you get the added advantage of not even eating healthily.  A penance for your arteries also.

For those who want to abstain correctly but have problems doing so the Impatient Mode is for you.  Simply place a meat product in the Lentenwave and select the Impatient mode button and the meat product will automatically start cooking at 12:01 am when the day of abstinence is over.

On days of  fast the Lentenwave will analyse the amount of food cooked to ensure one regular meal and two lesser meals compared to your normal intake. It can even be set to nag mode with comments like “Do you really think Lobster and Jumbo Shrimp is all that sacrificial?”

Use the included brush included in the cap to brush on detach-ment from an item or person you are disorderly attach to. Detach-Ment is also safe to place on foods and home entertainment products!

… whether it is necessary, in order to attain this high estate of perfection, to undergo first of all mortification in all the desires, great and small, or whether it will suffice to mortify some of them and to leave others, those at least which seem of little moment. For it seems to be a severe and most difficult thing for the soul to be able to attain to such purity and detachment that it has no will and affection for anything. But you will be surprised at how a dab of Detach-Ment will help your assent to Mt. Carmel. -St. John of the Cross.

I said, “I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue;
I will bridle my mouth, so long as the wicked are in my presence.

You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue

Do you sometimes have problems bridleing your tongue and find yourself saying things you soon regret and with the Psalmist “Deliver me, O LORD, from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue.” and refer this to your own tongue?

If so you will love Tongue Suppressors which help to suppress those words you soon regret. Each Tongue Suppressor is coated with our patented tongue guard formula and in no time you will “Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit.” and soon your “Tongue will sing of thy word, for all thy commandments are right.”

Included is a handy countdown display to easily track how many Hail Mary’s Our Father’s, etc you were given to say for penance.

If the meter seems stuck on the first mansion this is not the fault of the detector, which requires no batteries, but in yourself.

Warning: Do not attempt to point this device at other people to see where there are at or your own mansion level will immediately drop. If you must make comparisons make sure they are only between Christ and yourself.

If so you will love the Stations of the Cross Viewmaster. Each set comes with 14 awesome images which through the latest 3D technology look so real you will think you are in one of the more beautiful churches in Rome.

Then you need the Inward Binoculars. Instead of training your eyes on others these Binoculars focus inward to reveal your faults. First start at the lowest magnification levels since it is more than likely your faults will be easily seen at this level. As you progress in the spiritual life you can increase the magnification. The fault comparison algorithm is not computed on others compared to yourself, but yourself compared to Jesus. The inward binoculars work best when you keep your eyes on Jesus.

With the Sacred Heart Monitor you will know for sure. If the signal is flat lined you might not have the leads connected correctly. If you do and it is still flat lined it means your prayer life is dead. If this symptom is detected resuscitate your prayer life immediately with prayer. Reading the Gospels is highly recommended to jump start your heart and prayer life.

Yuck Spice is a very unpleasant seasoning you sprinkle on your seafood or salad if you are a vegetarian. This makes your normally enjoyable meal quite penitential and much more fitting with the season.

Introduction the Snack Patch. Each pack contains amounts of all the normal crap you read on the ingredients of most snack food of additives, preservatives, color additives, emulsifiers, etc. Each week you change your patch and each week it contains less and less of your normal snack chemical soup you so love.

If you answered yes you are a candidate for the Sackcloth T the finest in penitential undershirts and you can get them monogrammed. People might give you strange looks as you constantly scratch your upper body, but they won’t know your wearing sackcloth under your work shirt.

If you want something more fashionable then you can also order are sackcloth hoodies.

Well this will never happen again if you have the Ash Wednesday Stencil. Simply remove the film on the stencil and attach the adhesive side to your forehead before ashes are distributed. After ashes are applied remove the stencil to have that perfect cross revealed.

While it is too late to use this product this year, order now so that next year you won’t get smudged.

If you start with “Pray 30 minutes a day” and then after a week found you didn’t make it, then simply shake the Lenten Resolution tablet and put “Pray 20 minutes a day.” Shake all you want. Our tablet can take it even when you get down to “Pray 5 minutes a day.”