Progressive Word Television Network (PWTN) which has brought you such hits as Earth Mother Joan Live and Journey from Rome now has a brand new line up of great shows.
Because of the writers strike we have decided to devote our new schedule to reality shows. We need writers for our regular shows since we write our theology as we go.
Regardless we are sure you will love our newtop of the line show Liturgical Dancing with the Stars!
The new show pairs a number of celebrities with groups of professional liturgical dancers, who each week compete by performing the latest in liturgical dances with and without banners and other props, which are then given scores by our special panel of judges. Viewers are given a certain amount of time to place votes on their favorite liturgical dancers, either by telephone or Internet. The liturgical dancing group with the lowest combined score (judges plus viewers) is eliminated and does not go on to the next week. This process continues until there are only two or three liturgical dancing groups left, at which point one group is declared the champion.
We also have the greatest group of judges to judge liturgical dancers ever. Each week you will delight in the acerbic wit of Sister Joan D. Chittister, OSB, the Most Revd Dr Thomas Gumbleton, and the Most Reverend Donald W. Trautman, S.T.D., S.S.L. Bishop Trautman is a real down to earth guy that will never use any big words to confuse you and when it comes to judging liturgical dancers he will never quench the spirit.
We don’t want to spill the beans too much on what stars we will have this season but the following photo will give you some idea of the A-List talent we have.
Interpreting Scripture through movement can be done by anyone who can pull on some leotards and wave their arms and body around during Mass, but you will love to see the professionals along with your favorite stars show you how it can be done. Liturgical Dancing with the Stars will kick off with a live show on Feb 28th filmed at the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress which has been a great showcase for liturgical dance in the past.
Wait it gets even better. Besides your favorite stars from the state and the screen we also will have as guests some of your favorite liturgical dancers from within the Church.
Such as the famous pirouetting Jesuit Father Saju George S.J.
And who can forget Br. Angel Mendez, OP of the Southern Dominican Province Canadian Dominican-can dancer who will be appearing.
So make sure to set your TIVO or watch live the next best thing on PWTN with audience participation. Along with Liturgical Dancing with the Stars we have some other great reality shows that demonstrate the latest in prophetic scheduling.
You will just love our new audience participation show called “Sensus Fidelium (Sorry about the Latin)”. Each week a prophetic panel appears to discuss which direction the church should take on a hot button issue. After the panel makes their brave arguments for change on issues the audience can then vote on it via their phone or SMS text messaging. Each weeks results “Sensus Fidelium (Sorry about the Latin)” will be sent to the Papal Nuncio and the Vatican.
Or how about “Survivor: Diocese of Lincoln, Nebraska” In this show progressive Catholics are isolated in Bishop Bruskewitz’s diocese and must go without internet connectivity and their subscription to National Catholic Reporter and other of their favorite magazines and newspapers. Each week tune in to see whether contestants can survive Masses celebrated totally in accordance to the GIRM and with exactly zero creative liturgical changes. In one grueling episode the contestants visit a seminary busting to the seams with seminarians who share the same knee-jerk “obedience” to the church as their Bishop does. A seminary full of young-fogeys is a difficult prospect to face. If you are a progressive Catholics who thinks they have what it takes for “Survivor: Diocese of Lincoln, Nebraska” then please attend our tryouts. But it certainly is not for the faint of heart.
After such a grueling show you will be able to sit back and relax to American Catholic Idol where each week amateur contestants belt our classic songs such as “Here I Am Lord”, “Ashes”, “Shine, Jesus, Shine” and multiple other songs you have come to know and love at your local Catholic Church. A panel of songwriters from OCP and GIA will judge these performers as to capability and to how well they perform with acoustic guitars, tambourines, and any other hand-held percussion instruments. You will laugh as less than talented singers try their hand at a Marty Haugen song or thrill when a singer nails “On Eagle’s Wing.” Join is for the wild ride of emotionalism in all of your favorite modern Catholic hymns.
There is lots to love this year at Progressive Word Television Network (PWTN) so come an join us!
Brad Sutton a Point Church Pastor saw one of my previous parodies over at SperoNews and referred to in in a sermon and even created a new graphic for it that was much better than my original graphic.
You are a committed Christian and you really want to do what Jesus tells you to do, but sometimes scriptural passages are difficult to interpret.
For example Matthew 18:21-22 says:
“Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. “
Peter’s measure definitely seems off and if you take the Bible literally it is pretty difficult to determine when you reach the limit of 70×7 (490). Just how do you know if you have accidentally forgiven somebody 491 times or more? This can be embarrassing in difficult relationship and what if you mistakenly undercount and stop offering forgiveness at a number below 490?
That was a messy and difficult problem. That was until we at Roncoe products made the 4GiveCount counter available at your local Christian bookstore.
With the 4GiveCount counter you will always know where you are at when it comes to forgiveness. No more messy mistakes and uncertainty when it comes to mercy.
Simply enter the names of those people you come into contact with into your computer or PDA’s address book and download it via a USB cable into the 4GiveCount counter and your ready to start. Every time somebody does something and you forgive them all you have to do is select their name in the Forgive Person display and then click the forgiveness button located on the upper left side of our special counter. This will increment the forgiveness counter by one for the currently selected person.
Our counter can be set to one of three forgiveness modes.
* Peter – If you are like St. Peter and believe that seven is a generous limit for forgiveness then select the Peter mode.
* Literal – To follow just what Jesus said in the Bible select the literal 70×7 mode.
* Jesus – Some biblical interpreters hold that Jesus’ statement was meant to be symbolic by giving us a relatively high number. If you follow this interrelation select the Jesus Infinity mode. *
When you increment the forgiveness counter and it detects that you have forgiven them past the upper limit as determined by the selected forgiveness mode- the Mercy Overload lamp will start to flash to warn you that you need not offer forgiveness. That’s all there is to it and you will always be sure you have done your part.
But wait there is more!!! If you order your own 4GiveCount counter by midnight tonight we will throw in a blessing counter. You are always being told to count your blessings and it is just so easy in the rush of everyday life to loose track. With our reliable and durable blessing counter you will always know just how blessed you are!
* If you select the Jesus Infinity mode and you notice that no matter how many times you increment a persons forgiveness index that the Mercy Overload lamp never comes on – don’t worry this is normal operation. This accurately simulates Jesus in that no matter how high your current forgiveness index is, his Mercy Overload lamp also never lights.
BAL HARBOUR, Fla. A baby Jesus statue, part of a Nativity scene here, will be equipped with a Global Positioning System after the disappearance of a previous statue, which had been bolted down.
“I don’t anticipate this will ever happen again,” said Dina Cellini, who oversees the display, “but we may need to rely on technology to save our savior.”
The Mary and Joseph statues will also be fitted with GPS devices, she said. The devices are being bought with residents’ contributions and Cellini’s own money.
Cellini has also installed a Plexiglas screen in front of the display.
Since this is a real story it looks like once again I have been involved with prophetic parody.
One year ago today I wrote the following parody.
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Do you know where you Baby Jesus in your Nativity set is? With the rash of Baby Jesus thefts across the country whether it be public or private land how can you be sure? Do your check your lawn often fearing some Nativity scene napper with who know what nefarious scheme? Or perchance that it will be stolen only to be returned later with glued on devil horns as happened recently in Norwalk, Connecticut. Have you considered even resorting to using a chain attached to the leg of the Baby Jesus regardless of the aesthetics of this act?
This GPS loop transmitting antenna cleverly disguised as a halo will ensure that you can track your Baby Jesus no matter where it is taken
The provided GPS receiver will help you track down your property if it does come up missing. This small compact unit will give you an exact location at every moment. If it detects that it has been moved from the preset position an alarm is sounded immediately. Simply follow the onscreen and audible instructions to retrieve your Baby Jesus or to provide the police with its location. Jesus tells the parable of the lost sheep which he was willing to go look for and find. Return the favor and Find Jesus®.
Coming in 2008 from ICONOCLAST Pictures, Inc.
The Copper Dredil
Long ago, in a place far away from political correctness, there was a land, a prophecy, a villian and a hero. Critics rave about the upcoming film for its bold, daring and provocative attempt to insult two of the three major monotheistic religions. Since Christianity, and Catholicism in particular, have already been dissed, trashed and ridiculed by Hollywood seventy times seventy times, the tables have now been turned. Ron Boward produces and directs this innovative cinematic masterpiece intended to even the score once and for all.
Synopsis an ancient prophecy predicts that the thousand year reign of evil tyranny will end only when the magic Copper Dredil is returned to its proper place. Before that can happen, however, it must be rescued from the clutches of the malevolent Synagogue of Zeon, a super-secret society of fanatical fundamentalists who claim the only true magic comes from the Book of Spells. They are always at war, however, with a competing faction, the Mosque of Mira whose adherents reject anything and everything in the Book of Spells. They maintain the only true and valid incantations are the ones not written down but are spontaneously created by the individual wizard. The Mosque of Mira has declared a Jihad on the Synagogue of Zeon. There can be no victory until one side is no more.
Meanwhile, while the forces of darkness battle each other for control of the world, a small group of rebels known as the Sacerdotes, led by the wise and aged Pontifex Maximus, seek to fulfill the prophecy given millennia ago. Visitors from another world came in peace to share their knowledge: scientific, philosophic and theological. They only wore scarlet red clothing and were called by the natives, Cardinals. The Cardinals had no agenda and no ulterior motives. That was not the case with their enemies, however.
Cardinals insisted on worshipping their deity facing East and in an old, archaic language only spoken in their temples. They also wear elaborate costumes when they worship.
The biggest obstacle, however is that the Cardinals refuse to dilute their teaching which is as much moral as it is religious. An alliance between the Cantors (local authorites from the Synagogue) and the Imams (secret police from the Mosque) occurs when it is learned that the Cardinals have something which promises eternal life.
Before the mysterious element is discovered, however, war breaks out and all the Cardinals are killed, save one. Catzinger lives long enough to prophesize that a hero will find the Copper Dredil which has the power to render enemies powerless and thus enable the quest for the Missal, the special book that allows the Priest to make present the source of eternal life.
Until that day arrives, the mysterious artifact lays hidden and protected in a Basilica by an order of Knights called the Krewsaydurs. Hildebrand, our hero, leaves the safety of the monastery to seek the Copper Dredil and free his people from slavery once and for all. He is accompanied by Zozimus, the sacristan; Jerome, the lector; Edmund, the extern; and Sylvester, the Acolyte. Together, they form a brotherhood sworn to return proper worship back to their temple. Forbdidden for centuries, the ancient language of their forefathers is still secretly used by our champions. VERITAS VINCIT (truth conquers) is the motto of this coalition for victory.
But it is only fiction, so why should anyone be offended???
From Fr. John Trigilio’s blog The Black Biretta.
Since there are now so many conservative who now say that waterboarding is not torture and that it is effective and just another "enhanced" interrogation technique, I think we should take it to the next level. Just think of all the money we can save if we brought waterboarding to our local police precincts. We could get confessions in murder cases in no time and help to improve the wait time in the court system while at the same time saving taxpayers money on lengthy and costly murder trials. Though why constrain it to just murder cases since it is only an enhanced interrogation technique. Martha Stewart would have copped to insider training in no time. In fact we could have members of the administration when they testify to congress be waterboarded just to be sure of the truth of what they are testifying to. After all the ends now justifies the means so lets get with the program and bring simulated drowning in a controlled environment to a neighborhood to you. If it’s good enough for the Khmer Rouge it’s good enough for us.
Through my sources I caught wind of a secretive commission working for the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. The commission is not listed on the Vatican’s website, but I have word that it is called the "International Commission for Anti-Catholic Movie Sabotage."
With the recent slew of specifically anti-Catholic movies I can see how this might come under the domain of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith instead of the Pontifical Council for Social Communications
which might normally handle this topic.
I can see why this new commission is rather secretive and I hope I am not undermining their mission by letting the cat out of the bag. What the International Commission for Anti-Catholic Movie Sabotage is doing is quite remarkable and it looks like quite effective. One of their main focuses has been infiltration into the making of movies based on anti-Catholic novels, especially as screenwriters. These Vatican trained screenwriters specialize in didactic long-winded scripts that are low on action. These writers have been culled from Bishop’s conferences throughout the world who are especially skilled at writing long documents that don’t say a lot.
People are foolish enough to believe that the Vatican might employ albino monk assassins, but the Vatican is not below blockbuster script assassins. These screenwriters excel at writing lots and lots of dialog with plenty of references from the books plot in such a fast paced way that it is difficult for anybody not reading the original books to have any idea what is currently going on. They are also really good at explaining to the director and producers why lots of talking and limited action scenes is really a good idea for a blockbuster.
This technique worked really well for the International Commission for Anti-Catholic Movie Sabotage first attempt being The DaVinci Code and so far based on reviews of The Golden Compass it looks like they have succeeded in another long-winded screenplay. Even the secular movie site Rotten Tomatoes which compiles multiple movie reviews has rated it as "Rotten" with a rating of only 43 % fresh. The greatest sin in movie making is not to avoid anti-religious films, but not to make boring movies. You have to admire the Vatican’s new commission that instead of complaining or boycotting the movie they decided to do something positive – script sabotage!
I have also heard that they have looked into sabotage of anti-Catholic films by Protestant groups but couldn’t find anyway to make the scripts worse.
Now you might think that The Golden Compass falling below expectations at the box office might sink the possibilities of the two other books in the series being made into movies. New Line Cinema has been rather cagey on this possibility anyway. But The DaVinci code also fell below expectations at the box office and yet Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons is still going to be made into a movie. We can cheer up though knowing that the International Commission for Anti-Catholic Movie Sabotage will once again be hard at work.
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Were you once a gamer or just always wanted to give it a try, but Have you ever wanted to pretend to be a church organist and just If you have answered yes to any of these questions than the company behind Grand Theft Theology and other fine games has the game made just for you.  OrganHero I is the ultimate in rhythm video games where you are not limited to just a few frets like in other games but row after row of keyboards. During Sure
If yo want you can buy more organ controllers and daisy-chain them together to give you even more keyboards to use. The
Unlike in real life you can compete against your friends You can even choose from a variety of With Organ Hero I you learn to play against a wide So please |
Included
Here*Thanks to Javier Plumey for permission to use this idea that came from the excellent and always fun Hands and Feet podcast.
Dawn Eden wrote on her blog.
Reading about Rudy Giuliani’s talk
to the Values Voters summit, I couldn’t help wishing the Curt Jester
would bring Moloch out of blogging retirement to comment.
Well Moloch has now shown his hideous head and posted here.
You’re a Catholic and you take you faith seriously, yet sometimes you seem to be slipping backwards. You find yourself slipping back into old bad habits and not developing new good habits through virtue. You think you are doing fine and then you all of a sudden realize that you have gotten luke warm and have become a back slider.
If only you could get warning first before your prayer life goes into the dump and your faith becomes something in name only.
Here at Curt Jester labs which is always on the cutting edge of spiritual technology we have come up with an amazing new product.
The way to keep from back sliding is to continue to move forward and so wouldn’t it be great to have a Grace Positioning System (GPS) that will track your faith life and give you advice on how to proceed through life. Our lab has developed a grace sensitive gyroscope that is feed information from Holy Scripture and Sacred Tradition. Through gyroscopic precession the procession of the Holy Spirit from the Father and the Son into your life is tracked.
When you start to back slide it causes our specially made gyroscope and accelerometer in our inertial guidance system. The inertial guidance system measures directly how inert you are to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. When it detects back sliding the negative acceleration is detected and you are immediately warned.
Even more amazing is that we have shrunk the components into a pocket sized system that you can carry with you.
The Grace Positioning System (GPS) also has some other great applications such as a Catholic Church finder that gives you directions to the nearest church. There is no better help to your faith life then frequent reception of the sacraments.
The GPS unit can even detect the Tabernacle and this is greatly useful when you want to find the Tabernacle in those churches where its location is not readily apparent or just plain hidden.
Audible directions can also be enabled. That the GPS unit always takes you through the way of the Cross and not the shortest route is a design feature and not a bug. Their are no shortcuts to the spiritual life and while the route taking by seriously following your faith might seem to be a difficult route it is actually the shortest route to get to Heaven. After all a GPS unit that can’t help you get to Heaven is a seriously malfunctioning unit and missing the most important feature. The Grace Positioning System will often suggest that you merge since the right path is also a narrow one.
If St. Peters had one of our Grace Positioning System units he would have kept his eyes on Jesus instead of sinking into the water. Keeping your eyes on Jesus and neither turning to the right or to the left is the whole point of operation of our GPS.
So get your faith life moving in the right direction with Curt Jester Lab’s Grace Positioning System and put back sliding behind you.
