Parody

HAMMONTON — The 16th of July is a
special day in this predominately Italian town in western Atlantic
County.

A tradition started 133 years ago continued here last Wednesday as a
solemn procession paid homage to the Blessed Mother during the feast
day of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.
    
A statue of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel was ushered out of St. Joseph Church
on Third Street shortly after 4 p.m., the last of more than a dozen
statues wheeled through the streets.

For about three hours, the procession continued on streets surrounding
the church.

Joe and Gina Mastazi of Paulsboro have come to feast day for the past
27 years. As in the past, they were easy to spot, clad in their red,
white and green outfits.

“Ten years ago, my mother died on the morning of the feast day. The
last thing she said to me was to put $10 on the Blessed Mother for me,”
said Joe Mastazi, who scoped out a nice shady area two blocks down from
the church. “It makes it even more important.”

Gina remembered coming to the festival as a child with her parents. She
recalled enjoying watching the procession go by, something she enjoyed
again this year.

“I didn’t like the rides too much,” Gina said.

Though the crowd for the beginning of the procession was sparse, the
festival area quickly filled up around 7 p.m. as hundreds of visitors
converged to enjoy the festivities and the 10 p.m. fireworks show.

“It was just unbelievable,” said George Campanella, president of the
Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Society, the group that organizes the weeklong
celebration here each July. “Maybe it was the economy, the price of
gas. It was just great to have that many people back here. Hopefully,
they’ll be back here when we have the 134rd celebration next year.”

The feast is the longest- running religious celebration of its type in
the country. It’s a tradition around here and one that the Our Lady of
Mt. Carmel Society, the group of 50 men that organizes the celebration,
takes pride in keeping alive.

I for one would like to see some Carmel
themed rides.

1. Dark Night of the Soul roller coaster.  This could
   be one of those indoor covered rides like Space Mountain and so totally
   dark inside.  I could easily imagine a purification of the
   senses section and to finish the ride you have to love God without any
   spiritual benefits.  Though the ride could be quite long for
   most of us.
2. Ascent of Mt. Carmel ride.  You ride to the top of
   Mt. Carmel with a light guiding you on a happy night where you leave
   your cares “forgotten among the lilies.”
3. The Interior Castle Funhouse.  The seven mansions
   of the interior castle have quite the potential to offer interesting
   experiences.  Obviously the the gate by which to enter the
   Interior Castle Funhouse  is prayer and meditation. The first
   mansion is full of a thousand preoccupations and you slowly move onward
   to the last mansion if God has given you the grace to do so.
4. St. Therese Ball.  You enter one of those old
   American Gladiator steel cage balls where you get kicked, thrown to the
   ground, left in a corner, or pressed to Jesus’ heart.
5. The concessions would obviously be Karmel Candy and Blessed
   Elizabeth of the Trinity Chocolate *.

I would certainly invest in such an effort and would be sure to buy St.
Simon Stock in it.

* Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity suffered from Addison’s
disease and as a result could only eat certain things.  One of
them was quite a penance to her Carmelite soul in that she often had to
sustain herself using chocolate.

WASHINGTON (Roto Reuters) — Democrat Barack Obama said Saturday he had quit his twenty year plus relationship with a Chicago church after months of controversy over racially laced pulpit rhetoric that still threatens to tarnish his White House hopes.

The Illinois senator said he and his wife Michelle were withdrawing from the 8,000-strong congregation of the Trinity United Church of Christ, following a new uproar over a priest’s mocking attack on his rival Hillary Clinton.

"This is not a decision I come to lightly, and frankly it is one I make with some sadness," said Obama, who was welcomed into Christianity by the church’s former pastor Jeremiah Wright two decades ago.

"I have no idea how it will impact my presidential campaign. I know it’s the right thing to do for the church and for our family," said the Democratic front-runner. "The recent episode with Father (Michael) Pfleger reinforced that view that we don’t want to have to answer for everything that is stated in a church," Obama told reporters in South Dakota.

The Senator then went on to tell reporters that he is currently in the hunt for a new church to attend. "I am currently leaning towards an Amish or any Anabapist congregation. I really like the idea of them not using electricity, especially in their churches. No cell phone cameras, no live streaming of church services and events, no greatest sermons DVDs, and no possibility of something showing up on YouTube seems to be a definite plus for me. Though I am open to other options. So if you are a pastor of a totally non-controversial church please contact my staff."

Paul Cat at the always funny blog Alive and Young let me know about the YAZ: Step up and go beyond contest. YAZ is a contraceptive that not only works to prevent babies, helps with pre-menstrual emotional problems, cures acne, and makes people like you! The contest is looking for talented designers to create a new YAZ Pill Pack.
Well since I have always been willing to lend a hand to marketing for Planned Parenthood and other outfits
her are my submissions.

I have a new post up at the group parody blog Stuff
Catholics like called Holy, Holy Holy.

Speaking of group Catholic parody blogs there is a
new kid on the block called: Brothers
and Sisters of Perpetual Discernment and it is off to a fine
start. Like any good parody blog it serves a dual purpose in that
while providing a humorous take on the discernment of a vocation it
also teaches the truth of this process along the way. There
is always room for another parody blog, especially one that I am not
part of.

Do you go to Eucharist Adoration on a regular basis and yet don’t feel that you are advancing as much in sanctity that you would want to? You try to be humble before the Lord and just let him speak to you through silence and his awesome sacramental presence, but if just does not seem to be enough?

If so don’t worry since this is a common experience. Now in the spiritual life there are not any real shortcuts to holiness. Prayer and reception of the sacraments are of course necessary first steps. Confession on a regular schedule and receiving the Eucharist will of course keep you on the road to holiness as long as the life you are living is not putting a lie to your piety.

But when it comes to Eucharistic Adoration you would like to give yourself a boost. In your daily life you develop blockages to the power of the sacrament and so what you need is something to reduce those blockages of venial sin and to promote Eucharistic Adoration and being more like Jesus. What you need is a formula with Sacrament Promotion Factor (SPF). The higher the SPF rating of a formula the better.

Introducing Copertino’s Son Tanning Lotion with SPF 50!

Son Tanning yourself before the expose Blessed Sacrament is a great way to start you day or end your day or actually pretty much any part of the day.

Whether you kneel before the Blessed Sacrament or prostrate yourself before Jesus our Son Tanning lotion will ensure that every nook and cranny of your soul will be adequately covered. No uneven Son Tanning like with cheaper formulas.

With Copertino’s Son Tanning Lotion you will soon be going beyond reading devotional books during Eucharistic Adoration to silent prayer rapt in adoration of our Lord and Savior.

Now if you start to develop dryness in prayer – don’t blame us – this is just a sign that you are actually advancing in the spiritual life.

You can also buy our Copertino’s Son Tanning Lotion with caffeine for those three in the morning sessions before the Blessed Sacrament that no one else want to sign up for.

You will never get burned when Son Tanning and it might even help to prevent you from burning forever!

So next time you go to Adoration bring Copertino’s Son Tanning Lotion with you. You will be glad you did.

The Arizona senator, who was raised an Episcopalian, has attended North Phoenix for nearly two decades, but is not a member because he has not been baptized into the church.

On Wednesday, he told reporters that he had been baptized in Panama, where he was born, and talked about a photo in his memoirs of himself as a baby in a baptismal gown, with his father and grandfather.

"It’s like a dress," he chuckled.

But he was more guarded about his current plans with regard to baptism, calling them "a private thing."

"I’ve been in discussions with Pastor Yeary, and we’ll continue those discussions," he said. "It’s a personal thing, it’s a very personal thing concerning my faith and I am proud of my faith, I am proud of my belief and the sustenance and the redemption that I have received.

"And my faith was tested in extraordinary fashion and it was my faith that got me through not the next day, or the next hour but the next minute."

I remember reading media reports before saying he was not baptized which seemed doubtful to me considering that he was raised Episcopalian. I do find it ironic how wrong Baptists get baptism though. That they don’t baptize infants and that many Baptists rebaptize. So much for one faith, one baptism, etc. But I guess if you believe that baptism is just a token of salvation and a testimony of faith then rebaptisms comes as no surprise. But it sounds suspiciously to me like St. Paul asking "were you baptized in the name of Paul" when you try to make denominations differences in regards to baptism.

You know you are trying to be more serious about your faith and the the first step is prayer, yet every time you try to pray you easily get distracted. You can’t even go from the Hail to the Mary without thinking about something not exactly pious. It seems to you that every time you sit down to try to pray fervently you spend more time distracted then actually talking with God.

You have heard about the four types of prayer: Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, and Supplication and wonder if it is just you that has the fifth type – Distracted Prayer? You will be glad to hear that it is just not you that suffers with distracted prayer. In fact reports show that 10 out of 10 people who pray end up being distracted.

Distraction is prayer is known in the spiritual director field as Prayer Attention Deficit Disorder (PADD) or Supplication Attention Deficit (SAD) and is a birth defect caused by original sin. Since Adam and Eve only Jesus and Mary have not had to deal with Prayer Attention Deficit Disorder.

But you ask “Now that I know what the problem is how do I deal with it?”

That is where St. Johnson and St. Johnson’s steps in with the latest pharmaceutical wonder. Our patented ingredients help to put your daily life behind you and to help you to concentrate while praying.

You can find information on our new product Ridalin on television or the sample ad below in your favorite magazine.

Ridalin should be taken with plenty of repentance and can be used when operating heavy machinery, though we recommend using it with the Rosary or other devotions instead. Ridalin can be mixed with sacraments and this is the recommended practice. Ridalin is not recommended for those not serious about living the Christian life and can cause severe reactions when combined with hypocrisy.

Reading many of the articles in anticipation of the Pope’s visit to America I notice much the same journalistic boilerplate that was used in the Pope’s visit to South America. The divided flock template along with the supposed tension of a doctrinal defender
being pastoral. Like the phony Church versus science divide they also see it as impossible to both believe in dogma and to take in pastoral concerns.
After reading one of the better profile pieces posted at Creative Minority Report I wondered how the modern journalist would have written a piece on Jesus two thousands years ago.
The following contains boilerplate that I lifted from a couple articles and massaged accordingly.

JERUSALEM (Roto Reuters) In Yeshua’s visit this Sunday to Jerusalem he will find a flock wrestling with what the coming of the Messiah means.

The younger generation considers the Messiah important, but many such as the zealots want a larger role in the coming kingdom. Many others want a greater say in how the Temple and the Synagogues operate.

Many Rabbis trying to balance their Jewish identity with the influx of Greek and Roman culture into the land end up catching grief from both the Sadducees and the Pharisees.

Despite these divisions, Jews from across the Diaspora and spectrum of belief are excited by Yeshua’s visit. Though many have a difficult time trying to get a handle on this so-called Messiah and he appears to be a mass of contradictions. Yeshua has been heard enforcing adherence to traditional Jewish doctrines and has even taken them a radical step farther by condemning divorce and even saying that to sin in your thoughts is the same as actually breaking a commandment given to us by Moses. He even said that divorce was given by Moses because of "hardness of heart" and that it was not so from the beginning. While at the same time taking the hard line on various doctrines and sending out his disciples to do the same, he has also been known to take a more pastoral approach by eating with sinners and has even taking a tax collector among his disciples and even gone so far as calling us to "love our enemies" – Samaritans included.

"I think he’s going to come in and try to inspire. As Messiah, he’s really taken the positive track on a lot of issues. I don’t think there’s any reason he wouldn’t continue to do so now," said a ruler who knows him and was instructed by him but does not want to be identified.

Residents of Israel don’t know much about Yeshua. But surveys conducted ahead of his visit found three-quarters of Jews view him favorably. They are clamoring to see him and many plan to greet him with Palm branches. Some though dispute the various surveys conducted and think that the people are quite fickle on this subject and might change their opinion even within a weeks time. One survey conducted asking who they thought Yeshua was showed that "Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets."

There has also been much concern over a speech that is rumored to be made in front of the Temple and many predict a "stern message" and a "rebuke" to members of this priestly group. Some feel that the Sadducees have become too secular and have betrayed their Jewish faith by not adhering to traditional Jewish teaching. More and more parents are concerned about sending their children to the Temple for instruction since this priestly group denies life after death. The Sadducees using form criticism and other modern tools only hold to the Torah and deny the prophetic books usually included in scripture by others.

But young adult Jews are fed up with the fight, according to Jonah bar Joseph, a sociologist of religion who studies Jerusalem Jews.

"They’ve become very impatient, and probably rightly so, with older generations, who see everything in terms of Pharisee-Sadducee, Sadducee-Pharisee, who they see as sometimes enjoying the ideological battle, even if it doesn’t get them anywhere," Jonah bar Joseph said. "Problems aren’t being solved, but people are yelling at one another."

One visit by this so-called Messiah Yeshua won’t solve the problems of Jerusalem But by coming here., he can show Jews— even briefly — what it might be like to be truly united by faith.