Parody

GUILFORD COUNT, NC (Roto Reuters) Last week Guilford County judges rejected an offer by the Greensboro Islamic center to donate copies of the Quran prompting The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) to appeal to the state’s judges. The Administrative Office of the Courts will ask the opinion of the state’s judges when they meet this week at judicial conferences in Asheville and Wrightsville Beach, said Dick Ellis, a spokesman for the office.

Presently anyone who objects to using the Bible to may take an oath by raising their hand and affirm to tell the truth.

This move has prompted the American Atheist Society to ask that atheists also be allowed to take an oath on an object that meets their approval. Dee Nygod, a spokesman for AAS, has requested that North Carolina courtrooms also supply and make available objects that respect the beliefs or nonbeliefs of atheists by allowing them to take an oath on for example a bowl of primordial soup. "To us life could be called sacred and so the means of the development of life would also be sacred. A bowl of amino acids charged with electricity from an AA battery would be quite appropriate. Alternatively a small machine that simulates the type of hydrothermal vents called Black smokers would also be suitable for for those of us who follow this model of the creation of life. Or perhaps a small meteor for those who follow the Fred Hoyle hypothesis of terrestrial microbiological life being seeded from an Extraterrestrial life source."

I first saw the following article over at Happy Catholic and a reader suggested that it might be something for me to parody.

A new line of greeting cards could help fan the flames of infidelity.

The Secret Lover Collection, created by Cathy Gallagher of Bethesda, Md., is made for those involved in an illicit affair, a niche she considers long ignored.

The collection speaks to the uniqueness of such relationships, giving lovers the opportunity to recognize holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, apologies, hookups and breakups.

One holiday card reads, "As we each celebrate with our families, I will be thinking of you." Another card laments: "I used to look forward to the weekends, but since we met, they seem like an eternity."

"These are for people who are in love affairs," said Gallagher, who finds inspiration in movies, songs and people she knows. "These are not sex cards. Those have been done."

Gallagher said she got the idea when she and her husband were discussing someone they know who was having an affair.

"By the time we reach our mid-30s we come into contact with someone who has had an affair," she said. "I researched it and found it was an untapped market. There were relationship cards but nothing about this kind of relationship."

The first thing you have to wonder if how this husband and wife team would feel about their own partner using one of the cards? I bet the words "untapped marked" wouldn’t be used.

I have a few of my own suggestions for these cards.

Now of course adultery in and of itself is not a funny subject and cards to normalize this behavior tilts the slippery slope at a ninety degree angle. How about cards for spouses devastated to learn of their partners infidelity. How about cards for children’s lives that have been traumatized from adultery and divorce. This is just sick that such a selfish act can be mainstreamed and honored by a greeting card.

My latest parody piece on the "Digital Conscience Recorder" is up a Spero News.

My latest parody news story "Challenges to academic freedom" is up at Spero News.

My latest parody for Spero News is up Hairshirt fashion: making penance fun!

My Moloch Now blog has been updated. Moloch has a few thoughts on our new Pope.

NEW YORK (Roto Reuters) Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls who told reporters the cardinals had decided unanimously to give no more interviews or meet the media before they are locked in the conclave that will pick the next pope.
In response Reuters CEO Tom Glocer held a press conference today stating that "Reuters will follow suit and also have a conclave
related news blackout during the time up to and including the conclave. We really don’t have any news to report so this will not be much different than our normal coverage. Don’t worry though we will still be publishing our editorial pieces a.k.a news stories to our subscribers. There are plenty of opposing opinions from members of the Catholic church that we can query in the days to come."

Other news organizations such as the Associated Press our also following Reuters lead and will stick to non-stories such as questioning parishioners of various Catholic churches to show how divided the church really is. A spokesman for AP CEO Tom Curley had this to say "We will lay off real news and will be concentrating on polling data asking solid questions about abortion, contraception, homosexuality, equality for women in the priesthood. Which is off course our regular coverage. We will also be working in stories about how beloved and admired the previous pope was and why the next one should be totally different. If only Pope John Paul II had been more progressive his funeral would not have only reached two billion households."

Clayton Emmer at The Weight of Glory has come up with some song parodies from The Sound of Music related to media darling Fr. Richard McBrien in "The Sound of McBrien." Now I would really like to be able to sing "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu" when it come to Fr. McBrien, but in the spirit of Clayton’s post here is my own song parody.

My Dissident Things

Discounting Moses and tradition outgrow
Advice that I pedal and warm fuzzy hymnals
Orthodox theologians tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

The O’Reilly Factor and shows by the oodles
No Incense or Mass bells just NCR doodles
Contraception and condoms or tie it with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Women in white Chasubles with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes colored vestments that show off eyelashes
Guitars and drummers doing "On Eagles Wings"
These are a few of my favorite things

Abortion, contraception and morality ceased
Dissenting sisters and disobedient priests
Thinking about wearing the Fisherman’s ring
These are a few of my favorite things

When the Pope writes
When the Vatican speaks
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

TAMPA, Fla (Roto Reuters) – A federal judge refused to order the resumption of tube feeding for brain-damaged Florida woman Terri Schiavo on Tuesday after weighing the highly charged case.

U.S. District Judge James Whittemore issued a ruling rejecting a request by Schiavo’s parents for the tube, which was removed on Friday, to be reinserted pending a fresh review of the case. In opening arguments on Monday he asked "What accusation do you bring against this woman?" George Felos, attorney for Michael Schiavo addressed the judge by saying "We have a law, and by that law she ought to die, because she is no longer useful to society." When the judge heard these words he was more afraid realizing how politically charged this case was. The judge responded with a comment to Terri Schiavo who was not present in the courtroom "Do you not hear how many things they testify against you?" The judge again spoke virtually to Terri by asking "You can not speak to me. Do you not know that I have power to release you, and power let you starve to death?" The judge seeking a political way out said "See, I am reviewing this case brought out for her, that you may know that I find no crime in her." Attorney George Felos addressed the court saying. "If you release this woman, you are not society’s friend; every one who does not perform useful work sets themselves against an ordered society"

When the judge heard that Terri was originally from the Philadelphia suburbs he ordered that the case be transferred to the jurisdiction of Judge Herod Antipas of the Third Circuit Court of Appeals. When reporters asked the judge about how long this will prolong the case he replied "I will not tell you when, how or how long it will take." He refused further comments as he needed to leave to go wash his hands. [Source]