My parish is one of the parishes selected for the Dynamic Parish program. The costs of the program for the parishes selected are being covered by Dynamic Catholic donors. In part, they are endeavoring to discover what works and to adjust the program based on feedback. So a definite work in progress. The goals seem modest in that it works towards an increase in parish involvement over the standard 7 percent of people generally heavily engaged in the parish.

Matthew Kelly isn’t quite my cup of tea, but I have reviewed some of his books and find them generally solid in content. I am allergic to promotional speaker talk, and so am annoyed by the language. Hearing “Being the best version of yourself” so many times is apt to put me on a suicide watch. As an app developer, the version metaphor doesn’t work for me positively knowing all the bugs still in the best version of your software. Although the bugs metaphor kind of works in the spiritual life in that the saints saw clearly their imperfections. I just prefer the more traditional language in regard to growing in holiness.

Still, I am slowly learning that everything doesn’t have to be about me and I know a good number of people that have found his books very helpful to them and impactful.

I am also pretty skeptical of the Dynamic Parish program, but I am willing to see how it develops and what impact it actually has on the parish. So last night I attended the “Dream Event” which is kind of a kickoff to the program. Yes, it was pretty difficult for me to curb my skepticism and attend something called a “Dream Event”. Especially one that is given by a “Certified Dream Manager” working for Dynamic Catholic. I find it funny to go to a Dream Event after recently reading ‘Querida Amazonia’ with the Pope’s four great dreams for the Amazon region. What is all this dream stuff going on? Oh well, my parish is St. Joseph so I should be down with the dream stuff.

Certified Dream Manager Tony Ferraro gave the talk, and yes that is his actual title. Mainly this was used as a focus to outline goals we see for ourselves and for the parish. To not be just content with the way things are and to just stoically accept them. To focus on what is truly important and what we want to accomplish as Catholics. So I see where they are going with this, even as the delivery is not to my personal liking. Promotional speaker talk just seems so manipulative to me. Still, my real criticism is that I wish it had been tied more profoundly to Gospel imperatives instead of seeing the goal as being dynamic Catholics. I understand that term as they use it as an umbrella term for being fully engaged Catholics spreading the Gospel. I just wanted it to be tied more directly to the language Jesus uses in the call to holiness and the message of the Gospel.

On the tech side, I found part of this event interesting is that they had people answering questions via text messaging on their phone and the anonymous results being displayed on the screen in a word cloud. I think this did result in some actual engagement in getting people to think about the topics that were presented.

As a pessimistic optimist, I am taking a wait and see approach to this program as to what the actual fruits are. Like many active Catholics, I certainly have my list of hobby horses as to how to increase engagement in parish life. I am not quite ready to send my hobby horses off to the glue factory, but again am trying to objectively evaluate this program.

Just to be clear, I do have concerns considering the Matthew Kelly “takeover” of parish life. The “Christ Renews His Parish” program is now under his auspices as the renamed “Welcome”, CRHP 2.0. I am not a fan of the new name, although the old name didn’t grab me either. There are certainly blurred lines between Dynamic Catholic’s paid consultancy and these forays into parish life. I am not skeptical at all about Matthew Kelly’s motives, just that some of this can be problematic and something to be aware of.

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my wife’s death.

“Grief is not, as I thought, a state but a process: like a walk in a winding valley which gives you a new landscape every few miles.” (C.S. Lewis Letter to Dom Bede Griffiths, O.S.B.)

I find this insight accurate to my experience. It has knocked me down this month as the thought of this anniversary has dragged me down memory lane.

Part of this is feeling adrift. Sometimes you think you have life figured out and are just going along for the ride. I just never imagined being without her and when I thought of death I was certain it would be me first. So when I now think of my vocation I feel like I am in vocation purgatory. There are many examples from scripture of widows opened up to live a life for the Gospel. Historically lots of widow-saints and even consecrated widows in the Canon Law for Oriental Churches. For widowers – not so much. Although I am sure there are examples historically, just none that come to mind. Sometimes walking around my parish cemetery where my wife is interred I always seem to notice those graves of both the husband and wife and how almost always the husband died first. So this makes me feel out of order, even as I know other men in the same situation as I. Plus my parish has a group for widows, but not for widowers. Maybe I should identify as a widow.

Still, the last thing I need is to constantly think of myself and my current state. So I have been concentrating more on praying for others and opening myself up to others. So there have been opportunities along this route. There are events I now participate in not so much for what I am able to gain from it myself, but more regarding what I can contribute. Often tempted to just stay home and read and such and so I have to be vigilant against this self-centeredness.

Chesterton also constantly reminds me to have gratitude. To see those things in life to be grateful for even those events following the cross. So I am grateful that she was in my life and that I am all the better for that.

the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away: as it hath pleased the Lord so is it done: blessed be the name of the Lord.

I am naturally ebullient and not prone to depression. Although I realize that depression is something that can happen to anybody. I believe my current feelings lead more to the reflective and the real feeling of loss. This morning when I woke up I decided to take a day off. So went to Mass at my parish followed up by a public recitation of the Rosary in our Eucharistic Chapel and then a Holy Hour there. Then I walked out to where she is interred and sang the Divine Mercy. Trying to spend the day in thankfulness. I am also not the type to ask God “Why me?”, I figure “Why not me?” since I am not exempt from the realities of life. Plus recently I have been drawing strength from a daily reading of one of St. John Henry Newman’s meditation.

“Therefore I will trust Him. Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. My sickness, or perplexity, or sorrow may be necessary causes of some great end, which is quite beyond us. He does nothing in vain; He may prolong my life, He may shorten it; He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends, He may throw me among strangers, He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide the future from me—still He knows what He is about.”

Yes, He knows what He is about.

So I saw this article linked on social media The value of owning more books than you can read. So, of course, I needed to read it to justify my book-buying habits.

I found this concept interesting:

The antilibrary’s value stems from how it challenges our self-estimation by providing a constant, niggling reminder of all we don’t know.

The idea of having more books than you can read is a reminder of both the aspiration to contain the knowledge within and the acknowledgment of your ignorance in so many subjects.

Much better than the term “antilibrary” is this:

His preferred label is a loanword from Japan: tsundoku. Tsundoku is the Japanese word for the stack(s) of books you’ve purchased but haven’t read. Its morphology combines tsunde-oku (letting things pile up) and dukosho (reading books).

For myself, my book buying habits do not really outstrip my ability to read them. I pretty much read all the books I buy, along with review books, and public domain ebooks I download. Looking at my book software I see I currently have 28 unread books. This includes several that are in various states of currently reading. Still, I know these books will be read sometime in the immediate future.

What is probably more aspirational are my various wishlists. I have several of these wishlists in different formats and I am always planning to consolidate them. Yet that would take time better spent reading.

As much of a dumpster fire social media can be, it has been great regarding book buying discernment. I have many trusted readers and reviewers whose opinions I rely on. This is super helpful to create a higher quality experience in choosing what books to read. At one time I would just go to the library with only the “This looks interesting” criteria, along with trusted authors by experience. The first criteria was not a very good one and seldom led to authors of the second criteria.

My main problem is that I am a bit of a completionist. If I find a series or author I like – I want to immediately read the whole series or all of the authors works. Too often this gets assigned to the limbo of my wishlist. Especially as my completionist tendencies get interrupted by other series and authors to complete.

One of my evidences for God is based on C.S. Lewis’ “Argument of Desire”, here explained by Peter Kreeft:

• Every natural, innate desire in us corresponds to some real object that can satisfy that desire.
• But there exists in us a desire which nothing in time, nothing on earth, no creature can satisfy.
• Therefore there must exist something more than time, earth, and creatures, which can satisfy this desire.
• This something is what people call “God” and “life with God forever.”

My desire to keep adding books I can’t possibly all read, can only be satisfied if my soul is immortal.

I am really hoping the Beatific Vision includes a reading room.

I just realized that before setting down to write this post, I had been browsing to try to find a new bookshelf. I really hate double-booking my current shelves and laying books horizontally on top of others. I am mostly happy that ebooks have mostly solved this problem for me, otherwise, I would need a TARDIS for book storage.

Bigger on the Inside

So I ran across this Chesterton quote while reading Fr. James Schall’s “The Satisfied Crocodile”

“People Talk much of the quarrel between science and relation; but the deepest difference is that the individual is so much bigger than the average, that the inside of life is much larger than the outside.”

The Schall essay is referencing the idea that there are no ordinary people as C.S. Lewis contended and of course G.K. Chesterton.

As a Doctor Who fan, this obviously set me thinking with the whole “bigger on the inside”. So I looked up the source of the quote, which is the “Illustrated London News ”The Idea of Separation of Sense of Separateness Oct 24, 1908″

Along the way I found another reference to the idea in Chesterton’s “The Catholic Church and Conversion.”

“At the last moment of all, the convert often feels as if he were looking through a leper’s window. He is looking through a little crack or crooked hole that seems to grow smaller as he stares at it; but it is an opening that looks towards the Altar. Only, when he has entered the Church, he finds that the Church is
much larger inside than it is outside.”

And following another rabbit hole I came across this:

Anthony Coburn wrote the first ever Doctor Who story, “An Unearthly Child.” His subsequent relationship with the show was a tad tempestuous but his influence was significant. It was Coburn who insisted on the TARDIS being a police box (and possibly even invented the acronym), and it was Coburn who made Susan the Doctor’s granddaughter. Coburn was also a committed Roman Catholic. He was even a street preacher. His faith shaped the naming of certain characters (Ian Chesterton after the famous Catholic author, G.K. Chesterton), as well as the character of the Doctor himself. In DWM #467, his son Stef writes: “The character of the Doctor was based on [Anthony’s] cultural hero, (Christian missionary) St. Paul. Like the Doctor, St. Paul was supposedly a learned man. … Paul is a Roman citizen, in the same way the Doctor is a citizen of some other society.”

Although for Chesterton I suspect the TARDIS would have to be bigger on the inside for him by necessity.

This is me at work.  Now if only I could be a full-time Jester. Still, I did win the costume contest at work. It was probably my impromptu sideways prance that sold it to the judges along with some jester-like comments.

For me, this has been a year to try to break out of my sedentary habits. Most days I am reasonably content to come home from work and mostly read and consume some media. My daily walks and cycling take me out of part of those habits.

When it comes to travel and going somewhere, for me, I just put it off. Sounds like a good idea, but timing and logistics usually make me keep putting it off.

This year the Catholic Answers Conference was on the topic of “Faith and Science.” If anything was going to get me to travel, that topic is geared primarily for me. Plus there were the people there I desired to meet. Catholic Answers has played such an active part in my coming to know the Catholic faith along with help in continue conversion. When I first moved to Jacksonville, Fl after retiring from the Navy, I was in my seeking phase after having lost my faith in atheism. At the time there were only three Catholic radio stations in the country, and thankfully Jacksonville was one of them. Catholic Answers Live started broadcasting in January 1998, which was just months after my move. So I have listened to almost every show they have aired over the years. Although, it has been virtually entirely via their podcast since that option became available. Podcasts allow me to skip those answers to the common questions quickly. Questions that I have heard so many times before. It was strange watching them do live versions of Catholic Answers Live as it seemed so slow to me. My podcast app of choice I listen at 3X speed with silences removed. It took me some years of listening to increased speeds to make this intelligible to me and not to drop information.

So last week I packed my bag and went to that convention. So after registering at the Hyatt Regency in San Diego, I went downstairs to complete registration for the conference. The first thing I noticed was Jimmy Akin standing and talking to some people. A big fanboy moment for me. I owe such a debt to Jimmy Akin in multiple ways, and I have learned so much from him over the years. Added to that was his public posting about his efforts to lose weight that got me to lose 145 pounds.

So it was such a joy to walk over to meet him and talk to him.

He is someone I could listen to and interact with for days upon days. Although like all my interactions at the conference with the Catholic Answers hosts and support team, I was aware of not monopolizing their time. There were around a thousand people at the conference and thus many people who would take delight in these meetups. Just glad I had the opportunity to meet these people who have been so part of my life.

The first night they had Stacy Trasancos talk about “Science for Believers” followed by Karlo Broussard “Why Science Cannot Eliminate God.” Thoroughly enjoyed both of these talks. Stacy’s involved part of her conversion story from no faith into the Church. Loved her viewpoint as a chemist and seeing the wonder of the world and the complex interconnectedness of ecological systems we hardly reflect on. Karlo’s talk took a more philosophical approach. Considering St. Thomas Aquinas influence on my faith, I was down with that. Both speeches were quite humorous at times.
The night ended with Jimmy Akin calling a square dance. Now I already knew he calls square dances locally and that this one would be for beginners. So I figured we would only learn a couple of steps and make use of them. The sequences he taught and called were more advanced than what I expected, but not beyond picking up quickly. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, as did my two left feet.

Over the following couple of days, there were talks from Jimmy Akin, Father Terrence Ehrman, Trent Horn, Tim Staples, and Chris Check. Along with two episodes of Catholic Answers Live – live and a Q&A panel with their apologists. Saturday night included a dinner Banquet followed by a keynote address by Cardinal Burke.

So I was pretty much rapt in attention during all the talks. The talks were so worthwhile and added to the general information that I knew. The interaction between the various apologists on the Q&A panel was a lot of fun.

As you would expect, they had Mass each morning. The fact that they were Ad Orientum delighted me. Even though on Sundays I experience that aspect during the TLM, having this done for the Ordinary Form was striking for me. The idea that this helps you to orient towards worship is true for me. I can see how this can be offputting for many people. I think this is a misunderstanding that could easily be corrected, at least over time. I am entirely for the idea of this being the default orientation for all Masses. I don’t expect this to happen anytime soon or in my lifetime. Still, it was a joy to experience it and being helped in worship. I need all the help I can get when it comes to prayer.

Fr. Hugh Barbour’s homily was outstanding. So much depth to it. The kind of homily that makes you wish this was a daily experience. The problem with great preaching is all the times you don’t have great preaching by comparison. He is one of the Norbertine Fathers from St Michael’s Abbey. I kept thinking he was a Dominican based on the preaching, especially since they both wear white habits.

I found my trip to San Diego for this event to be worthwhile. I had a great time. I already signed up for next year’s conference.

While I do so enjoy meeting people, being so socially awkward I have a hard time doing this. I like structured meet-ups that can make this more comfortable for me. At the Chesterton conference I went to, they included all meals, and the impetus was to sit with different people each time. This setup works for me. The only meal included for this conference was the Dinner Banquet. Other meals we would provide for yourself, mainly in the hotel. I do understand that they worked hard to keep the price down for the conference and it is a bargain. Providing meals as part of the fee would no doubt put it out of reach for some people.

Still, I did manage to get to interact with other attendees and met some interesting people. It is a joy to talk about the faith with serious Catholics. Had some great conversations.

I do wish that the Mass they had on the final Sunday would have been earlier. I noticed many people checking out of the hotel before Mass was to start at 9:00 am. If I didn’t have a plane flight out, I would have loved going to that Mass with Cardinal Burke. The night before I squeezed in a vigil Mass at a local parish since I would be traveling pretty much all of Sunday. After the Masses at the event, it was a disappointment to take the liturgical time machine back to the seventies at this local parish.

Next year I will make sure that I spend a little more time in San Diego and don’t return home on a Sunday. While I know you can miss Mass when traveling or get a dispensation, I don’t want ever to miss Mass. Plus I want to visit the USS Midway Museum. The U.S.S. Midway (CV–41) is the first carrier I was stationed on, and thus I have a lot of fond memories of her. I find it sad that out of four Aircraft Carriers I was attached to, that only one is still in active service.

So today at Mass my pastor gave an impassioned biography on St. Augustine. Being in the Diocese of St. Augustine quite appropriate. Really quite a good short biography with some spiritual depth.

Yet while he was delivering it I was thinking “Ok, I know all of this – speed it up I wan’t to get home to eat”. Even while admiring his delivery, I kept thinking this.

Then realization hit me with the “It’s not all about you” and that more than likely others were gaining good information thoughtfully delivered with spiritual insights. It is quite annoying how often these “I’m such a jerk” epiphanies hit me.

photo credit: wayneandwax BOSTON JERK FESTIVAL via photopin (license)

Being a fan of G.K. Chesterton I was rather excited when I earlier found out that for 2018 the annual conference on Chesterton was to be held in Orlando. Living in Jacksonville this a a fairly short distance, giving me no real excuse for not attending.

The conference tilted The Test of the Imagination ran from the 2nd of August to the 4th. My expectations were that I would hear some interesting talks and get a chance to briefly meet some people I had primarily known of through EWTN, Catholic Radio, and their books. Along with meeting some people I have has some limited correspondence with. Possibly even people who knew of me via this blog.

The talks indeed were very good, along with being on a range of topics. What I was not really expecting was the range of interactions with others. Now I am the type of introvert who might sit at a table and just listen in to others. Sitting back until the moment when the class clown in me can interject some pun. In situations such as a conferences like this where people are encouraged to introduce themselves I feel better within such rules. After that I can become almost gregarious.

What I found interesting was the range of individuals, couples, and families attending. I should have known that such would be the case by those attracted to Chesterton. That he would attract the common man. Common as stars are common with each shining brightly of their own composition. I knew Chesterton, it was nice to get to know Chestertonians.

There were individual I especially wanted to meet. The fanboy in me was raising its head to want to talk them and impress them that I was such a fan. Thankfully I restrained that impulse. While I did get a chance to meet Joseph Pearce and to thank him for his works, especially his recent book on Narnia, it was a brief interaction where he signed a book of his that I bought. The same with actor Kevin O’Brien. It was also excellent to meet with Brandon Vogt and Nancy Brown.

I really found that all the interactions I did have were extremely positive. I was amazed at the wealth of knowledge I encountered and was often just willing to sit back and listen. Still I also enjoyed relaying some aspects of my conversion story along with my other interests. Between the talks and during the meals there was plenty of opportunity for such interactions.

I was especially impressed by the young people I met or listened in on. The members of the local Chesterton club there were especially impressive in the range and depth of their knowledge. Also I was facinated by the range of both cradle Catholics and converts. The board of the American Chesterton Society along with Dale Ahlquist are all converts where Chesterton was a major role in this. So while there were plenty of converts, there were also plenty of cradle Catholics.

One aspect of the conference I was not especially prepared for. I was hoping for some social interaction after the last talk. Yet the introvert in me did not want to intrude. In fact I had made sure I had books and video to read and watch when I expected to return to my room in the evening. Instead the “after glow” parties went on into the wee hours. Giving me more chances to listen to and talk to others. Including Dale Ahlquist on the last night.

I had suspected that the conference would be a lot of fun. Humor either surrounded or were parts of some of the talks. Plenty of opportunities to laugh out loud along with more somber experiences.

I Call You Friends – A Special C.S. Lewis & J.R.R. Tolkien Play
Actors Kevin O’Brien and Dave Treadway reenact a discussion between Lewis and Tolkien about G.K. Chesterton’s Everlasting Man

This play written by Kevin O’Brien was especially wonderful and moving. Starting with a reflection by Tolkien regarding his friend’s death and moving to a pivotal night in C.S. Lewis’ life. I pretty much loved everything about this performance, which brought tears to my eyes. Powerful.

Chesterton in his autobiography wrote:

When people ask me, or indeed anybody else, “Why did you join the Church of Rome?” the first essential answer, if it is partly an elliptical answer, is, “To get rid of my sins.” For there is no other religious system that does really profess to get rid of people’s sins.

So it was fitting on the last day of the conference that confession was offered and then Mass. The Mass was quite beautiful with large parts sung in Latin. Dale Ahlquist’s daughter Sophia was exquisite as cantor. The main priest who celebrated the Mass was a “baby” priest from the Diocese of Orlando. He was also a Chestertonian and delivered quite the excellent homily regarding the readings and referencing and reading from GKC.

Another aspect of this conference is the number of people who had attended multiple conferences. There was much talk of this and previous conferences. At first it reminded me of Grateful Dead fans who followed the band. Now I realize like all Chestertonians they were greatful to be alive and were like Innocent Smith in Manalive willing to telegram “Man found alive with two legs.”

Well I am on a streak of one conference and now I am pretty much hooked and already looking forward to the conference in 2019. I had a blast, pretty much on every level.