Here is my phony image of the Pope in a papal golf cart from my World Misspent Youth Day parody.
Here is a picture from the AP of Global Electric Motorcars’a newly delivered electric car which will be used be Pope Benedict XVI for the small trip inside the Vatican, [Via Friary Notes]
Is there such a thing as prophetic parody? If so maybe I can be the punning papist prophet of parody.
Mark Shea posted a blog map by some unknown wit. Now I am familiar with the Shea Coast having come ashore into St. Blog’s via that route. Now I see Rad Tradia, but where is the continent of Cafeteria? Or is is like Atlantis sunk in the Gulf of Discord. And where is the Holy Sea? Shouldn’t it border the continent of Catholic bloggers?
Also check out Mark’s new podcast Rock Solid which you can subscribe to via iTunes or another podcast aggregator here. The folks at Catholic Exchange just need to embed some cover art into the file so that it can be displayed like most podcasts including Catholic Insider.
Matey, it is too bad that free Napster is gone but we still have so many wonderful choices like KaZaA, Morpheus, WinMX and Grokster to ensure that no file is left unpirated. Intellectual property, something some scurvy-dog of a lawyer came up with. Shiver me-file shares, I can remember the old days of pirating disks and cassettes me bucko and of course copying Styx’s “Pieces of Eight”. Now time to leave the blog spot and get me grog and give someone a black spot.
A reader sent me a link to a forum discussing liturgical bloopers with some pretty funny stories. Fr. Hamilton at Catholic Ragemonkey posted one his own last month.
I posted before on my own blooper before a Mass.
Well actually this wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me at Church. Once before Mass I was praying at an altar rail before the Blessed Sacrament. Some time had passed and my legs fell asleep. When I got up I started to fall and grabbed the top of the altar rail to stabilize myself. The rail was covered in marble and where I grabbed wasn’t very secure since about a three foot section of marble came off and I fell backwards and had that section of altar rail laying on top of me. People made sure I was alright and pulled that section off of me.
Are you suffering from mild to severe conscience pangs? Are there blockages in your moral life? Are you selfish and uncharitable? If you answer yes to one or more of these questions you might be suffering from hardening of the heart. This is an extremely serious condition and you must go to the right doctor immediately. If not correctly treated immediately upon death you might suffer something far worse than just heart burn, though burn is an apt metaphor.
Hi, I am Jesus the Divine Physician! Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I came not to call the righteous, but sinners and that means you. I specialize in hardened hearts and will have your moral life up and running in no time. I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and giving you natural hearts. Stony heart replacement surgery is 100 percent effective. Don’t fall for conscience bypass surgeries that promise you will feel better by simply bypassing your conscience. Instead get to the root or should I say heart of your real problem. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. I knowest the hearts of all men so who is better to perform stony heart replacement surgery than myself? I am also able to cure moral blindness so that you might not fall in a pit.
This is no miracle cure, though I am experienced in that field too, but a call to repentance and trust in my most merciful heart. All things are possible to him who believes. Repentance is perfectly natural with no adverse side effects and your natural heart will be pumping the blood of charity in no time. I don’t promise the lack of pain or the cross, in fact the cross is part of the treatment; so that you made be made perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. Your outpatient treatment must continue through the rest of your life, but you will have joy and gladness as you receive the good news.
I am available 24/7 and I have a great cloud of witnesses on my staff who are also available at all hours of the day. I would be remiss not to mention the Holy Spirit also on staff. In fact when you hire me you get the Father and the Holy Spirit too. Three for the price of one and being that prayer does not rely on land lines or cell towers we are always available at the bend of a knee. My mother who is a good Jewish mother is also on call and will take just as good of care you as she did for me. So why wait? Act now since you have nothing to lose but your soul! Do you think that your are not strong enough for treatment? Don’t be afraid. My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Are you rich or poor in spirit? It makes not matter to me since all can call upon my name and my services are absolutely free because I already paid your price on the cross. Some begrudge my generosity, but I am always available to you at any part of your life – start , middle, or the end. Call on me and endure to the end and I will save you through grace.
* cross posted at Spero News
From a press release by the Church of Scientology International
Christianity teaches that Heaven is a place where one will live and bask in the glory of God the All-mighty. However, there is scientific technological proof that Heaven exists only as a studio state mock-up built by space aliens, and that Jesus Christ was an imaginary movie actor created by those space aliens. If you wish to learn the facts, just visit any Scientology store and ask to purchase the Philadelphia Doctorate Course #24 and HCO Bulletin May 11, 1963.
The scientific fact, discovered by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, is that Jesus Christ, Heaven, and Christianity are all part of what is technically called the "R6 Implant." This implant was created by psychiatrists from outer space some 45 trillion years ago to fool souls into believing in God and thus enslaving them forever with the belief that one is accountable to that God.
"Somebody somewhere on this planet, back about 600 BC, found some pieces of R6, and I don’t know how they found it, either by watching madmen or something, but since that time they have used it and it became what is known as Christianity," said L. Ron Hubbard. "The man on the Cross! There was no Christ."
Hubbard also discovered in the same year that Heaven exists on a planet somewhere in this solar system and is made up of robotic mannequins, electron beam guns, movie screens, movie projectors, and assorted studio effects. This was proven in 1963 by L. Ron Hubbard and it continues to be scientifically proven every day by Scientologists since then.
Hubbard visited Heaven several times during this and previous lives. He described Heaven in a technological scientific paper titled "Routine Three — Heaven, Hubbard Communications Office Bulletin May 11, After-Dianetics Thirteen."
"The gates of the first series [of implants] are well done, well built. An avenue of statues of saints leads up to them. The gate pillars are surmounted by marble angels. The entering grounds are very well kept, laid out like Bush Gardens in Pasadena, so often seen in the movies. Aside from the implant boxes which lie across from each other on the walk there are other noises and sounds as though the saints are defending and berating." Hubbard then discovered "The place, by implant and inference, was supposed to be in the sky like a floating island. Actually it was simply a high place in the mountains of a planet and the gates pathway falls away into a gorge, very eroded and bare by the time of the second implant, but heavily forested and rolling at the time of the first."
You may use this technology to be free of religion and Christianity forever. For a limited time you may purchase this technology for only $450 for the Philadelphia Doctorate Course #24 and $150 for Routine Three – Heaven. All major credit cards are accepted. [Source]
I thought at first that this was some kind of parody, but the quotes listed are actually from L. Ron Hubbard. I knew some of the wacky stuff like body thetans and such, but this is a whole other level. No wonder St. Paul couldn’t describe heaven. He had no words for robotic mannequins and electron beam guns.
Monsignor Edward McCullough will officiate at a 7:30 a.m. sunrise service on the 18th hole on Sunday, Sept. 18, during the 84 Lumber Classic at Nemacolin Woodlands Resort & Spa in Farmington.
"It’s a brief service, about 15 to 20 minutes that will serve as a Sabbath Day service for folks who are golfing and not able to get to church,” explained McCullough, who is pastor of St. Aloysius Roman Catholic Church in Dunbar and administrator of St. Vincent De Paul Roman Catholic Church in Leisenring. "There will be prayers, Scripture readings and a brief reflection.”
The service is a new addition for the 84 Lumber Classic, now in its third year. [Source]
Well I guess golf courses are really religious sites. After all Jesus’ name is invoked quite often there. This does appear truly to be a prayer service and not a Mass so there are not problems about suitability.
This picture courtesy of Catholic Church Conservation is of a church in Church of St. Andrä, Graz, Austria. Now at first I thought they were honoring the upcoming Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sep 19th) or maybe just Halloween. But no, it is Good Friday. The picture that he has up of some plastic plants used are also pretty surreal (think Day of the Triffids) as is the television at the foot of the cross. Skulls have long been used by some Catholics as a reminder that we are dust, but the above picture is just plain creepy.
Foolish mortals! Bow down lower and the collection better be bigger than last weeks.
It is not unusual for headlines to imply something that the actual article does not assert, but sometimes headlines unintentionally imply something because they are not written well.
Children start new Catholic schools after theirs shut down
The article is actually about children who are going to different Catholic schools since their old one shut down. I was hoping for a The Little Rascals type story and I can just imagine the fun of Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Darla and others starting their own Catholic school. Despite the inevitable pratfalls I do wonder if it would be any worse than some in existence?
An Australian artist’s work that shows a "Star Wars" robot hanging from a cross has outraged some churches.
The Melbourne Herald Sun reports that "Crusci-fiction" is part of an exhibit called False Idols by artist Jud Wimhurst which opens this month at a
Melbourne gallery. "Crusci-fiction" is a room-sized installation with 25 replicas of C3PO nailed to crosses.
Wimhurst said his work is not intended as sacrilege.
" We’re talking about sacrilege and the fact that everything’s for sale," he said.
But Monsignor Lee Tomlinson, the city’s Roman Catholic vicar general, suggested the art trivializes the central symbol of Christianity.
" It’s disappointing that Christian symbols seem to be able to be ridiculed, but those of other religions or groups are not," Tomlinson told the newspaper.
Jim Wallace, head of the Australian Christian Lobby, also finds the art offensive.
On the other hand, David Richardson, dean of the Anglican St. Paul’s Cathedral, found "Crusci-fiction" interesting and said Christians don’t have a monopoly on crucifixion. [Source]
Then C3PO was led by his programming into the wilderness to be tempted by Darth Vader. And he ate nothing in those days; and when they were ended, he was still not hungry since he never ate anyway.
I didn’t realize the C in C3PO stood for Christ, but I guess 3 is a good trinitarian number.
