Humor

Found via a seminarian’s blog called help me out (more pictures here).

Have you ever gone to the Vatican’s official web site to find something and found yourself praying to St. Anthony of Padua to help you find what you are looking for? Are you convinced the the web designer for Vatican.va is a gnostic and that you need hidden knowledge to be able to navigate the circle of confusion?

For example when you saw this icon did you know that this is the link to the various news services? Did you know that clicking on Paths of the Spirit will bring you to spiritual commentary by the saints? Of course the page hasn’t been updated since 18 April 2003 and you have to speak Italian or Spanish to read any of it. You spent hours and hours looking for a homily from the Holy Father only to finally find it but only in a language you can’t read. This of course happens no matter how many languages you can speak. This is because when you select the desired language on the index page the site then makes sure that the majority of links will not be in that language.

There was just nothing you could do about until now except to offer up your navigation frustrations. Secrets of Vatican.va will help you to actually find encyclicals, papal bulls, news releases, and the latest speeches or homilies you are looking for.

Learn exciting tips like that rolling over some icons will actually reveal the links that they actually go to. Read and you will receive valuable tips, click and you find, knock on the right icon and you will find what you are looking for. Because the Vatican’s site is confusing and the way is hard, that leads to data, and those who find it are few.

We provide you with 101 hint and tips make navigating the Vatican’s site a breeze instead of a cross. We guarantee after reading our book you won’t know how you ever navigated without it.

But wait there’s more! Did you know that there are Easter Eggs on the Vatican’s site? No we are not talking about some Easter Bunny silliness, but hidden features and novelties that web designer incorporated into the Vatican’s site. Just to show you the value of this book we will give you just one example from our 101 hints and tips.

Papal blessing Easter Egg.

First go to the Vatican’s site and select a language.

Click on the Pope’ coat of arms an you will be on Benedictus XVI’s main page.

Now here is the tricky part.

1. Click on the Pope’s mitre and then quickly select the coat of arms.

2. Hold down the Alt key (or Cmd on Mac’s) and select the Holy Father’s ear.

3. Then while performing step 2 say a Hail Mary.

Bingo if you have done it right and were contrite while doing it you will see the Pope waving his hand and see the special papal blessing scrolling on the screen. Sorry you will have to buy our book to find out what it is.

You will get this tip and much more so why wait? Order now and we will include free of charge the translators guided to Diocesan Spokesman’s Double talk. Operators are standing by!

Ireland – Ireland’s largest bookmaker, Paddy Power PLC, withdrew a billboard campaign on Wednesday that portrayed Jesus and his disciples at the Last Supper table – playing poker and roulette alongside the slogan, "There’s a place for fun and games".

The Dublin-based company was responding to legal threats from Ireland’s Advertising Standards Authority, which reported receiving scores of complaints from the public in this predominantly Roman Catholic country.

At all 89 locations across Dublin, the offending billboards were replaced on Wednesday with new Paddy Power ads that said: "There’s a place for fun and games. Apparently this isn’t it."

Frank Goodman, chief executive of the Advertising Standards Authority for Ireland, said Paddy Power had breached its guidelines for taste, decency and religion. "This apparently has caused widespread offence," he said.

The ad provoked laughter and irritation aplenty in this city of 1.3 million.

Dublin Archbishop John Neill, of the Anglican-affiliated Church of Ireland, said it "would be offensive to most Christian people". [Source]

This is silly since after all everybody knows nobody would be willing to play poker with Jesus. Not only does he know when your bluffing he knows what cards you have.

Have you ever wondered what Justice Souter must think whenever he hears warnings about a judicial nominee possibly being another Souter? Does he hope for another nominee like him so that they can refer to their name instead in the future?

Update: The Might Barrister must have been thinking along the same lines.

Update: As far as the Miers’ nomination goes I am amazed at the President’s luck. Imagine the coincidence that the person most qualified to be on Supreme Court was already working for him – the girl next door. What phenomenal luck to have your chief White House counsel turn out to be the one most qualified for the position. Maybe he should look among the gardening staff to head the Department of Agriculture since he has such an amazing ability to pick people.

Actually I am thinking of having my name legally changed to Tabula Rasa so I might get considered for the next empty seat on the court. Hey I have never been a lawyer, constitutional scholar, judge, or held any public office. I would have no paper trail except if some toilet paper got stuck to the bottom of my shoe. Though I have read the Constitution so that might disqualify me.

Kathy Shaidle posted earlier

"…some British schools have also removed or restricted the following ‘anti-Muslim’ children’s books… The Three Little Pigs, Charlottes Web, Babe:The Sheep-pig, Cars and Trucks and Things That Go, Olivia Saves the Circus, Animal Farm."

And then started the FREE PIGLET campaign asking that people show us their pig. We have to work now to end this swinephobia now. Now some people think pigs have what’s coming to them after reading Animal Farm or their unfortunate association with the name of government largess taints us.

First they came for Elmer Fudd, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t an Elmer Fudd fan and I preferred Bugs. Then they came for the three little pigs, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a member of their household. Then they came for Piglet, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t part of the Pooh union. Then they came for Miss Piggy, but I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Muppet. Then they came for me…By that time there was no one to speak up for anyone.

The Church is traditionally divided into the Church Militant (Ecclesia Militans), comprising Christians who are living, and the Church Triumphant (Ecclesia Triumphans), comprising those who are in Heaven, the Church Suffering (ecclesia penitens) or Church Expectant (ecclesia expectans), comprising those presently in Purgatory. Now as an ex-Navy Recruiter I thought hey why can’t we have some of those snappy slogans often employed by the military in advertisement for the Church Militant? So I have taken some of those slogans I have remembered through the years and applied them for Church Militant. recruitment purposes.

And here is one to encourage scripture reading.

Here is a post I did a couple years ago imagining a boot camp for the Church Militant.

A Catholic priest was robbed at gunpoint in his home by a man who had asked to be blessed, police have said.

The 69-year-old priest saw the man at the window of his home at St Oswald’s Church in Ashton-in-Makerfield, Greater Manchester, on Tuesday evening.

The man said he wanted to be blessed, but after the priest led him into the church, his accomplice burst in.

The pair threatened the priest with a gun before stealing a large amount of money from his adjoining presbytery.

Det Sgt Bill Nelson, from Greater Manchester Police, said the robbery was "despicable". [Source]

It does make me wonder if the robber asked on the way out "So a blessing now would be out of the question?"

              "The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary"

WASHINGTON, DC (Roto Reuters) During the confirmation hearings for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Senate Judiciary Committee, Arlen Specter, asked the likely future Chief Justice of the Supreme Court: "Would you think that Roe might be a super-duper precedent in light of in light of 38 occasions to overrule it?" His question elicited so much reaction by people that Arlen Specter has now proposed a new bill mandating ratings of legal precedents using the very same technical language he invoked. If the bill passes the Supreme Court will be required to to assign these technical legal terms to all cited precedents.

For several hundred years, damaging hurricanes were named after the saint’s day when the storm hit. For example, there was Hurricane Santa Ana which hit Puerto Rico on July 26, 1825. According to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, there are saint’s days for about a third to a half of all days.

Then, Australian meteorologist Clement Wragge began giving women’s names to tropical storms before the end of the 19th century, according to the National Weather Service. [Source]

Well I am certainly glad they changed that practice. I think they should name hurricanes after politicians, after all damage caused by so much hot air would be appropriate.