Humor

Plato’s Stepchild tagged me with the following meme.

The rules are as follows:

1.Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.

So from the post Top ten list for you might be in a "spirit of Vatican II" parish if:

Everybody but a priest or deacon delivers the homily.

Surprisingly this was my first attempt at humor on my blog and that it actually took me 23 posts before my inner jester took control.

I will inflict this on A Wing and a Prayer, Committed to an Institute, GKC’s Favourite, The World According to Me , Thoughts of a Regular Guy.

Michelle Malkin reports about a what seems to be photo manipulation by USA of a picture by Condi Rice.

Now this is probably the case that this photo was doctored. But possibly the picture is real and reveals something much more disturbing.

This is a picture of a Goa’uld – a despotic conquering race on SG-1. Notice any similarities? SG-1 has run episodes where the truth was kept from the population in general of the existence of the Goa’uld who had at time infiltrated the government at the highest levels. Today the The Sci Fi Channel announced today that had renewed Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis for the 2006-2007 season. Stargate SG-1 will become the longest-running US science fiction program as it enters its 10th season. Is there another reason for its longevity? Could the writers be trying to warn us about something? I hope that this is only the case of another doctored photo or at least that she might be a Tok’ra instead.

Update: USA Today has removed the doctored photo. Did the system lords quench this? Thanks also to Michelle Malkin for the link back to this post.

No not another one of my parodies but a real product called the iBelieve which is a replacement cap and lanyard for Apple’s iPod shuffle. On their page it says:

"But now bring me a man who plays music, And when the man played music, the groove came upon them." 2 Jobs 3:15

Shouldn’t that be Steve Jobs 3:15? They are also donating $2.00 from each sale to Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund and various Children’s charities.

Now I would have though of the iPod shuffle more suitable as a Darwinist device being that the shuffle plays songs randomly. But being that the randomness is only apparent since it relies on a higher intelligence to program the appearance of randomness; I can think that it goes along with those who believe in theistic playlists, that in fact the randomly selected songs are actually providently selected.

Here are some reactions to the combination of a shuffle and a cross.

I never thought something so symbolic could be made so crass…I was wrong

and

Now I can fight vampires while rockin’ out!!
Are there any garlic-encrusted cases for the iPod yet…

Now is this trend more evidence of music worship and the cult of superstars? Probably, but I imagine it could be used as a good topic starter for a budding apologist. Now even though I am a iPod owner I have definitely noticed a cult of iPod and the staunch defenders of other MP3 players. There is almost a tone of apologetics in the articles in support of the various music playing devices. I can easily image an iPod owner who buys another device being branded a heretic. With all the fancy protective cases available for the iPod and the reverence held for them by some owners I am surprised that a line of iPod reliquaries has not come out.

Via Cnytr the other day I ran across the blog iDominican.

Now this seems to be properly ordered to their own sphere, but maybe for visual ordering he needs a larger first-class relic of Saint Thomas Aquinas or a smaller iPod.

The third movie based on the "Left Behind? series of novels about Armageddon and the Second Coming of Christ is opening on 3,200 screens across the U.S. ? not one of them in a commercial theater.

Instead, "Left Behind: World at War? will be shown exclusively in churches. [Source]

Add that to another good reason to be Catholic. We might get poor catechesis and ho-hum homilies, but at least we are not subjected to the acting of Kirk Cameron.

Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman’s breast implants.

One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person’s whole music collection. BT futurology, who have developed the idea, say it could be available within 15 years.

BT Laboratories’ analyst Ian Pearson said flexible plastic electronics would sit inside the breast. A signal would be relayed to headphones, while the device would be controlled by Bluetooth using a panel on the wrist. [Source][Via Contemplating the Laundry]

Well if they built in the new video iPod it would give new meaning to the words boob tube. Though I guess it would help some to stay abreast of the news. I wonder if they would use flash mammary?

Chevy Chase: Weekend Update recognizes its obligation to present responsible opposing viewpoints to our editorials. Here to reply to a recent editorial, is Emily Litella.

Emily Litella: What is is with story after story that birds flew. Bird flew this and Bird flew that? Why all the the scary stories of birds that flew and then jumping on the human population? Has Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds had a revival now and people are suffering from paranoid feelings against birds? Of course birds flew what did they think that all birds were like ostriches? People need to get out more and stop watching television. If they did that they would know birds flew and they could see it for themselves everyday in the skies.

Chevy Chase: Miss Litella?

Emily Litella: Yes?

Chevy Chase: The stories are about bird flu or avian influenza which is called the H5N1 virus which is highly contagious among bird and fatal and can be spread to humans. Additionally the stories mentioned that Asian virus could mutate and jump to humans not that birds jump on humans.

Emily Litella: Oh. I’m sorry. Never mind.

BISHOPS are never too old for high technology.

Thus, the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) announced Wednesday that it has directed every Filipino bishop to create their own blog to expand their reach to the faithful.

As defined, a blog a Web site that contains dated entries in reverse chronological order (most recent first) about a particular topic. Functioning as an online journal, blogs can be written by one person or a group of contributors. Entries contain commentary and links to other Web sites, and images as well as a search facility may also be included.

Mark Inigo Tallara, information officer and media relation assistant of the CBCP, said "our aim is to make every bishop accessible to the faithful, particularly to the youth that’s why we want each of them to have their own blog."

Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Oscar Cruz, who is one of the first bishops to have his blog on the Internet, said he has his own blog not just because he is following the call of the late Pope John Paul II to tap the Internet as its new form of evangelization but to also forward the truth in dated "socio-moral issues".

Aside from Cruz, other prelates that already have their blog include outgoing CBCP president and Davao Archbishop Fernando Capalla, Cotabato Archbishop Orlando Queveo, Dipolog Bishop Jose Manguiran and Borongan Bishop Loenardo Medroso.

To get into the bishops’ blog, simply click www.cbcponline.net. You could also access directly the blog of the bishops by logging on to www.ovc.blogspot.com for Archbishop Cruz’s "Viewpoints", :for Quevedo’s "Perspectives", for Bishop Manguiran’s "The Meaning" and for Bishop Medroso’s "Tidbits". [Source]

I don’t know what I would think if the USCCB decided to do the same. Sure I would love to see a Bruskewitz Blog or one for Bishop Chaput or a multitude of other fine Bishops. A Cardinal Mahony blog would be pretty boring though. After all there are no liturgical abuses there to complain about as Cardinal "no abuses here" Mahony has told us before. And could you imagine the monotony of post after post about the wonders of pastoral assistants and the beauty of cement in architectural designs? Though I guess that would be better than page after page of summaries of priestly abuse that was enabled under his watch. You just know you wouldn’t find EWTN on his blogroll or for that matter this blog.

Speaking of blogrolls, have you ever played blog roll orthodoxy when visiting a new Catholic blog? By their links you will know them. Though this doesn’t work on new blogs where there blogroll says Google and Edit Me.

Vatican, Oct. 07 (CWNews.com) – The Vatican’s office on sports– an agency of the Pontifical Council for the Laity–is organizing its first seminar in Rome for November 11-12.

The new Vatican bureau is inviting 45 leaders from the world of athletics to participate in the 2-day discussion, reported Father Kevin Lixey, who is heading the initiative. The objective of the seminar– which will be held in the St. Calistus palace in Rome’s Trastevere section– is to stimulate thought on the Church’s role in the world of sports.

Father Lixey told the I Media news agency that he hopes the seminar will furnish guidance for the future of his bureau. He explained that the Vatican is looking for appropriate ways to provide guidance for sporting associations– whether they are Catholic or not– and thus to encourage a healthy approach to athletic competition. The Vatican is also interested in pointing out models of Christian athletic competition. [Source]

Here is a post I did before when the office on sports was first announced which includes a great (non-photoshopped) picture of the late and great Pope John Paul II. I see now that the post also pointed to our following team captain.

From Fr. Phil Bloom Pastor of Holy Family in Seattle is this article.

Daily Koshonored me by posting an article that refers to my essay on the Sin of Onan. I was understandably flattered by the reference – even though it took me and others to task for our views sexual morality:

Do not send your seed through the fire to Molech becomes "God’s worried about where your penis has been." Pagan temple prostitutes aren’t going to heaven becomes becomes "God’s worried about where your penis has been." Onan, spiting his dead brother, becomes an example of becomes how God’s worried about where your penis has been.

The words hit me like Puget Sound surf. How can anyone dispute such a cleverly stated argument? Your doctor might ask where your penis has been. Your psychoanalyst might want to delve into the topic. Even your girlfriend or wife – unless she has learned from those realistic Europeans – might raise a fuss about where your penis has been. But as the author delicately implies, God would not concern himself with anything so crude.

Kos (rhymes with "rose") and other popular writers are trying to help the rest of us attain a more sophisticated understanding of God. For sure, He is eager to hear their insights, but it is silly to think God cares about petty human foibles. If anything, he smiles at them and finds them entertaining.

When you think about it in that light, the amazing thing is that some people, at least in rural parts of America, still take seriously what Jesus said about God being our Father. They have the idea that fatherhood means that he takes a personal interest in us, cares about what we do and that it matters to him what kind of person we become. Evangelical Christians (and, I am ashamed to admit, even certain Catholics) cling to that outdated concept of God.

We should update Jesus’ prayer by invoking Our Grandfather who art in heaven. Much more accurate to view God as a remote, doddering figure who enjoys seeing young people have a good time. In my homilies I try to convey that liberating message:

Jesus came to show us what really matters is how you feel inside. The important thing is to get in touch with yourself, get comfortable with and accept yourself just the way you are. When Jesus said to repent, he meant to stop all that negative thinking. As today’s Gospel states, "Then I will say to myself,’relax, my soul, you have things stored up for years to come; eat, drink and do not worry.’" (Luke 12, 19)

Fr. Bloom also wrote a parody homily called The Usual Homily which is pretty funny. Though some took the homily seriously and their reactions are pretty funny too. He follows up the reactions with Taking off the Mask.

Rushdie, speaking at the Lied Center at an event sponsored by the Hall Center for the Humanities, warned against religious extremism and the emergence of religion in matters of public policy, the Lawrence Journal-World reported.

"I would really love never to mention that word again: religion," Rushdie said. "But now it seems to be coming right at us all. I don’t just mean radical Islam, by the way. I believe we have some problems right here."

The Kansas Board of Education is expected to vote later this year on new science standards that, if approved, will expose students to greater criticism of Darwinism. The move, pushed by a conservative majority on the state board, has drawn criticism from groups that endorse evolution and who describe intelligent design as a mere variant of creationism.

"I never had any doubts about evolution theory," he said. "I gather there are parts of Kansas where the big bang did not take place."

In reaction the founder of the Moral Majority, Jerry Fallwell, made a call for the assassination of Salman Rushdie. "In the name of Jesus I would like to inform all intrepid Christians around the world that this author is in opposition to an intelligent designer and is sentenced to death. I call on all zealous Christians to execute him quickly so no one will dare insult our creator." [Source]

Oh wait, the last part didn’t happen. Now you just got to love a place called the "Lied Center" which is a center for performing arts at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. I think this is a appropriate name for where to stage political debates.