Humor

Pope Benedict XVI, wearing the white fur-trimmed red bonnet known as a camauro reserved for Popes, arrives to celebrate his general audience in St. Peter’s square at the Vatican December 21, 2005. REUTERS/Alessia Pierdomenico

The heck with Santa Claus, I want Pope Benedict XVI to come to town.

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Benedict is coming to town
He’s making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who’s naughty and nice
Benedict is coming to town
He sees you when catechizing
He knows when you’re a fake
He can only teach good not bad
So be good for Jesus’ sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Benedict is coming to town
Benedict is coming to town

Fr. Richard P. McBrien "What a lump of coal again!"

St. John of the Cross, Priest and Doctor of the Church at Catholic Fire.

Juan de la Cruz at The Weight of Glory.

A feast or a fast asks Steven Riddle

And my contribution to this great Doctor of the Church is of course the Dark Night Light of the Soul.

Narnia To Provoke Bloodbath, Critics Say – Thoughts of a Regular Guy (who you can vote for in Wizbang’s poll)

St. John the Baptist, Prophets Killed for Calumny, Rash Judgment, Say Catholic Scholars – The wit at catholicnews.org.

Sect leader Edwin Gonzalez Concepcion and his followers can no longer receive communion or participate in church activities, according to the order issued by Mayaguez Bishop Ulises Casiano Vargas.

Gonzalez, a former firefighter in the town of Aguada, has told his followers that he became a manifestation of John Paul when the pope died in April and that Pope Benedict XVI is the "antichrist," according to the order, which priests in the diocese read to their congregations Sunday.

Members of the group couldn’t immediately be reached for comment.

The bishop also alleged that another sect leader, Gladys Miranda, claims she is the Virgin Mary, and that followers of the group make it hard for parishioners to receive communion by lying face-down in the aisle.

"After many public and private warnings … these brothers refuse to abandon their practices and repeatedly continue their affirmations that are contrary to the Catholic faith," the bishop wrote. [Source]

Lying face down makes it hard for parishioners to receive Communion? I want to know how the communicant could receive Communion face down?

Reading stories like this one reminds me of some interesting trivia. Many people know that it was St. Francis who is credited with creating the first nativity scene to commemorate the birth of the Infant Jesus with great devotion in the town of Grecio. What most people don’t know is the rest of the story and what fostered this idea. The night before St. Francis had a vision. Now this was not a vision like when he received the stigmata, but something more terrifying than a Seraph with six wings. What he saw was the future where groups of lawyers with nothing better to do around Christmas time. Bored lawyers sooner or later become very scary indeed! He finally understood by this vision that by creating a crèche he would provide activity for many lawyers for years to come. Teams of lawyers would descend upon nativity scenes throughout the world and remove them and then other teams of lawyers would force city councils and neighborhood associations to put them back. Now this might seem pretty disrespectful to the Baby Jesus, but once again Christ offers a sacrifice to in this case save us from idle lawyers who would have focused their attention on something else to annoy us.

* article via In Veritate Ambulare and by the way the name of the library manager who ordered the nativity scene to be removed from the library was "Gay Cain." This wins the "Truth is stranger than fiction" award today.

PORTLAND, OR (Roto Reuters) A new children’s choir groups is getting lots of attention and bookings during the winter season. The Silent Night Seasonal Semi-Singers sidestep the problems inherent in a multi-cultural society and what has been called the "Christmas wars." Secularists are upset with the lyrics of explicitly Christian carols and Christians become upset when these carols are left out. To solve this problem Ms. Giesel of the the Glencoe school elemenatary choir decided instead of hymns to do hums. Students are gagged while performing to ensure no actual Christian carols are ever sung. The instrumental portions of traditional Christmas carols are slightly altered to ensure no one in the audience might attempt to sing along. Silent Night is sung just as intended – totally silent. To ensure fairness winter holiday songs are also hummed.

Parents at first were hesitant to endorse the idea until they found out how enthusiastic their kids were. Now even students with no musical talent can join the choir and hum along. The provided humnal makes it very easy for kids to learn songs since they do not have to memorize any lyrics. When the audience is invited to join in and hum along nobody ever feels bad or put down since they don’t know the words or only know the first refrain.

The idea is catching on in neighborhoods where kids bundle up and go around the neighborhood from door to door humming or what some have called humoling. People are thrilled to find hummers at their door humming along to slightly familiar tunes invoking the winter season. So if you see a group of humolers approaching your door this season then open your door to the joys of holiday humoling.

* Credit goes to a reader who sent me a link to a story about Silent Night," being changed to "Cold in the Night".

The Complete And Beautiful King James Translation of The Holy Bible on a Key Chain!

* • Sliding switch on the rear of the bible slides out to expose the usb interface plug.
* • Simply plugs into any Windows PC USB port (not Mac or Win 98 compatible).
* • All sixty six books of the Bible can be read clearly on your computer screen.
* • Offers a powerful search function, making the Digital Bible an essential reference tool.
* • High quality leather look and feel with gold detail and chain.
* • Makes a wonderful gift and keepsake.

Yes this is a real product [Via Conspicuously Lacking a Latin Title] All sixty six books of the Bible? I am almost tempted to order this just so I could call to complain about it having seven missing books. Especially since the original version of the KJV did contain those books and and weren’t labeled apocrypha then. Now with a Bible on a thumb drive I wonder if that would make the owner a Bible Thumbper?

Now a Catholic version like the RSV-CE with the Catechism and the documents of Vatican II with a good search program would be pretty cool. Though maybe I will market a Spirit of Vatican II USB drive. I should get a good markup since it would consist of a connector and a case and I wouldn’t actually need any flash memory for VII documents since they wouldn’t know the difference.

Just because there is something fun about the Pope trying on a tricorn hat of the Spanish Guardia Civil..

Ferrari delegates have one again been received by the head of the Roman Catholic Church. Ferrari members had previously visited Pope John Paul II and this trip was to meet with the new Supreme Pontiff, Benedict XVI and make a charitable donation to the church.

Ferrari delegates including President Luca di Montezemolo and Vice President Piero Ferrari presented the newly elected and somewhat controversial Pope with a 950 000 Euro donation. This money was raised from the auctioning off of the 400th and final Enzo roadcar at a Sotheby’s auction.

Ferrari’s previous visit to the Vatican, was to meet with the late Pope John Paul II and present to him a 1:5 scale replica of an F2004 car. This time, Pope Benedict XVI was presented with Michael Schumacher’s F2004 steering wheel which was dedicated:

"The Formula 1 World Champion’s steering wheel to His Holiness Benedict XVI, Christianity’s driver." [Source]

Well at least it wasn’t a 1:5 scale replica this time. Though a wheel is appropriate since when the pope speaks infallibly he won’t steer your wrong.

Matt C. Abbott has a story about Father Vijaya Kumar Nalla who is the vicar general of the Missionaries of Faith order in Rome getting married in Vegas. He now reports that Father Nalla has been suspended. I hear that Father Nalla is suing the Las Vegas Tourism Bureau for false advertising for saying "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."