Humor

In response to the publishing of the Danish cartoons with caricatures of Mohammed Fred Flintstone has been captured and is now being held hostage. A new group connected with Al Qua ida the Al-Asa Cartoon Brigade claimed credit and said that they will behead Mr. Flintstone if their demands are not met. "Cartoons are serious business and if you insult us with one we will capture and execute prominent cartoon figures until this blasphemy against Islam ends. He who laughs first, laughs last. We will lop off that gigantic head of his unless all governments and media outlets suppress these cartoons."

The video released on Al Jazerra shows two terrorists holding Mr. Flintstone hostage at gunpoint yelling Yabba Dabba Doo.

The Al-Aqsa Cartoon Brigade also claims to have Mr. Flintstones life-long friend Barney Rubble who is shown holding a copy of today’s newspaper.

Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble could not be reached for comment, but a spokesman for the two families asks for prayers and the hope that this is just another one of the misadventures that will turn alright in the end.

Jeff Childers in a post mentions the following:

I ran into this woman earlier in the week. She reminded me of a young Felicia Rashaad. She had the name of her son tattooed classily across her neck. Her son’s name? Carrion. That’s right, Carrion, which, you all know, means the decaying flesh of the dead.

Well I thing it could be worse if the boy’s last name was Baggage.

One of my readers whose name I can not reveal has sent me information on a significant scoop. I have received a copy of a letter from Cardinal Angelo Sodano to Justice Kennedy and have verified its authenticity through some of my sources. You can see a copy of the letter yourself here.

With Judge Alito being confirmed 58-42 it is again time for my Amazin’ Dancin’ Alito.

My full page of Amazin’ Dancin’ Alito’s is here.

Reading through the news today I ran across a story about a school called Spa Catholic. Now this name to me invokes the idea of a school where rich Catholics would send their children for a watered down faith.
Now I have no idea of whether this applied to Spa Catholic or not., but I like the idea of a Catholic spa or more specifically a spiritual health spa.
A place you can go to to develop spiritual muscles that have gone flabby. Where you could get a faith lift. Now a holy water hot tub wouldn’t be appropriate, but perhaps one with regular
water you could sit in where the temperature slowly increases as you listen to a sermon on Hell.
A spiritual fitness trainer would also be cool. Somebody that could evaluate your spiritual life and give you good spiritual direction and work with you one-on-one in a designated chapel.
Or how about aroma therapy relaxation with a Deacon or a Priest giving a blessing using the thurible.
Then there would also be the special mud bath with mud made from dust and ashes to remind us of our mortality.
Possibly they could offer spiritual exfoliations
to get rid of unwanted heresy.

They could also have a room filled with Ignatian Spiritual Exercises Equipment. Though you would want to make sure you bought the older Ignatian equipment since many of the models built in the last 40 years depart from sound spiritual exercising practices. But then again if you shop around you can still find some sound models from this period.

MUM was horrified to learn that her seven-year-old girl’s homework was to write a sexy dating ad.

Sharon Underwood, 33, was alerted only when daughter Chloe asked what “passionate” meant.

The schoolgirl had even been asked to include racy words including “cheap, dangerous, fit, wild and gorgeous”.

Sharon said: “I was just so shocked. It’s appalling, disgusting.”

But when she complained to her local Catholic school in Gillingham, Kent, the teacher replied: “It’s not like I’m giving the homework to a dating agency.”

Sharon added: “Chloe did not know what a dating agency was and there is no reason why, at seven, she should.”

The teacher at St Mary’s primary had taken the worksheet from the BBC Skillswise website for ADULTS to improve reading, writing and maths ability. The sheet even suggested including a photo.

St Mary’s, which says it uses “true Christian values”, has apologised.

A spokesman admitted the work was “clearly inappropriate for children of that age”.

The school added: “It was a mistake. It will not happen again.” [Source]

Vatican Commemorates 500th Anniv. of Swiss Guard

Come on let this guy retire already. I mean after 500 years serving as a Swiss Guard he must be getting a little long in the tooth to serve effectively in the Swiss Guards.

Catholic Fire memed me with the Triplett Meme.

What were three of the dumbest things you have done in your life?

This category is way too small and trying to pick just three out of thousands of options is difficult.

1. Get a vasectomy.
2. Try to make my own fireworks with a bottle and household chemicals.
3. Vote for Jimmy Carter.

At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?
Jesus Christ

If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up to five people to dine with, who would you pick?

1. Jesus, at the Last Supper
2. G.K. Chesterton.
3. St. Teresa of Avila – though I guess the food would have to be grilled since we would have to share dinner via the grille since she was in a convent.
4. St. Terese’s father – I pray for him and his wife to be declared saints. Though since this is a meal we could discuss the dessert fathers instead of the desert fathers.
5. St. Thomas Aquinas. I considered St. Francis, but I figured Thomas would have much more food available.

If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?

Well anything worth wishing for should have a supernatural component, that is prayer for it to happen.

1. That they may be one (and no this isn’t a Highlander reference)
2. That people realize that an "unwanted" child is wanted by someone and always wanted by God.
3. A Supreme Court that actually follows the Constitution.

Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid:
1. A Carmelite monastery.
2. A football team that can make it through the playoffs.

Avoid:
1. The liturgy at St. Catherine’s.
2. Any abortuary.

Name one thing that has changed your life.
Grace.

Tagged: Waffling Anglican, Speculative Catholic, Ramblings of a GOP Soccer Mom, Non Omnis Moriar, Improvised

A reader who prefers to remain anonymous sent in this funny orginal ditty.

To the tune of Love and Marriage:

Grace and merit, grace and merit,
God’s so great that He can’t wait to share it–
‘Specially with His Mother!
You can’t have one without the other.

Grace and merit, grace and merit,
The Cross is heavy but you’ll have to bear it.
Listen, sister, brother,
You can’t have one without the other.

Try, try, try to separate them,
It’s an illusion.
Try, try, try and you will only add
To the confusion.

Grace and merit, grace and merit,
It’s a legacy we can inherit,
With and through His Mother.
You can’t have one without the other.

Via White Around the Collar.