Humor

Steve Dilliard at Southern Appeal links to this book Why Mommy is a Democrat and thought that I should produce a parody on the subject. Well I did a similar parody a couple of years back and thought I would rerun it for those who never saw it.

Once there lived a lovelorn prince whose mother decreed that he must marry by the end of the summer. So began the search to find the prince’s perfect match and lo and behold……his name was Lee. You are cordially invited to join the merriest, most unexpected wedding of the year. KING & KING is a contemporary tale about finding true love and living happily ever after, sure to woo readers of any age. A great gift. King & King has reached as high as No. 38 on Amazon.com’s list of best sellers. We at Slippery Slope Publishing are at the cusp of societal evolution, especially when it looks profitable. With the increase interest in alternative lifestyle children’s books aimed at the elementary and kindergarten, we have been working overtime to give you the next big things in children’s literature. After all it is only a matter of time. Slippery Slope Publishing proudly presents the "Redefining Marriage" series.
	Snow White and the Seven Room Mates Meet Lusty, Fetish, Kinky and the rest of the gang. Snow White who has a thing for little people engages them in there every wish as she shacks up with these seven very lovable guys. Children will learn the value of trying out multiple life partners before marriage. Tolerance of personal preferences in a loving and sincere relationship are also highlighted.
	Marry the Little Lamb Three enjoyable stories of people in wonderful committed relationships with barnyard animals. Here is a sample: Marry the Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb Marry the Little Lamb and give her a ring of gold. And every where the Married went, Married went, Married went. Every where the Married went, people learned not to stare. After reading our version of Goldilocks and the three bears, the old version will never be the same. Children will learn to put behind the stereotype that marriage is only between a man and a women.
	Welfare Mother Goose Welfare Mother Goose contains wonderful stories of how to live off the government when you didn’t really need to. Welfare Mother Goose introduces her children to a series of men in her life. The variety of significant others adds a varied and multi-partner education to her children. The kids play memorization games learning the names of the fathers of their siblings. Children will learn that the purpose of government is to provide their every need.
	Polygamy for You and Me! This goes way beyond the classic Heather has Two Mommies. Heather now has multiple mommies and one daddy! You will laugh at the funny stories and anecdotes like Heather telling her father "But mommies said" Children will learn the value of nurturing relationships with multiple people in parental roles. This books has become a best seller in Utah.
Slippery Slope Publishing is here to provide your every need in quality children’s literature. We have learned that the earlier we can introduce brave new ideas to children, the easier it becomes for them to accept those ideas, even if it conflicts with misinformed parental thought. It is never too early to teach children the evils of right wing conservativism so we introduce the new "Bush Sucks" literature series.
	Donald Rumsfeldstiltskin An evil little man makes claims like he can turn straw into gold or even more unbelievable, to turn Iraq into a democracy. In this scary story a women learns the dangers in trusting in a conservative when she finds out that in exchange for a tax cut for the rich she has to turn over her first wanted child. Not recommended for those in Kindergarten or others prone to nightmares.
	Tales from the Bush Years Investigative reporting for children uncovers the real reason why Mother Hubbard had nothing in her cupboard. Children will learn the reasons why low cost housing is not available and some people are forced to live in a shoe! The tax cuts for the rich and military spending provides the root of Bush’s jobless economy and it’s ill effects on characters in fairy tales. Because of the economic statistics used, this book is recommended only for Kinderg�rtners or other children who have not learned to add yet.

Here is a previous post I did on "For the Children" Publishers when Madonna wrote her children’s book.

Stew Smith, a former Navy SEAL, fitness writer has offered a free downloadable 45 Day Beginner Exercise Plan to people looking to better themselves during this year’s Season of Lent.

Annapolis, MD (PRWEB) February 21, 2006 — Stew Smith, a former Navy SEAL, fitness writer has offered a free downloadable 45 Day Beginner Exercise Plan to people looking to better themselves during this year’s Season of Lent.

Ten years ago this year, fitness writer Stew Smith converted to Catholism. During this conversion period, while still in the military working as a Navy SEAL officer, he also helped convert a 280 pound, 52 year old Catholic priest to a 200 pound Navy Chaplain.

"Father Eric Hoog has been my poster child ever since." laughs Stew Smith, owner of StewSmith.com, a website that offers military and law enforcement physical fitness test training as well as weight loss plans. "These weight loss plans not only help you lose weight and inches, but get you into the best shape of your life," states Stew Smith.

Not only is Father Eric Hoog still in the Navy working with Sailors and Marines all over the world, he exemplifies dedication to health and fitness. Now in his early 60’s Father Hoog can still run, do pushups, situps, and pullups.

"After speaking with Father Hoog recently," Stew Smith pauses,"I realized I should offer the same beginner plan that helped Father Hoog as well as countless others over the years with the transition from unfit to fit. The Lenten Season seemed like the perfect time – even better than New Year’s Resolutions!"

This would be almost biblical if instead seven seals were involved.

The buck shot stops here!

I was wondering why Ron Howard got involved in the Da Vinci Code and it dawned on me the reason why. He is of course most famous for playing Opie, which is pronounced OP and the first movie he directed was Old Paint – again OP. Obviously a plot by the Dominicans to diss Opus Dei. I figured this out because he must be a Catholic of the Latin Rite since in Happy Days he played Richie Cunningham (RC).

I saw this photo over at American Papist and it intrigued me.

I decided to do some digging to get the back story and I found out about the new papal helicopter.

What I found was that one of the missions of Laura Bush when she met with the Pope last week was to present him with a a specially outfitted Apache helicopter. It’s weapons capabilities are amazing. A speaker system broadcasts the Angelus and the Rosary and Rosaries can be ejected to awaiting people in mission territories. A large capacity tank provides for aspersion of Holy Water suitable for large crowds on Easter. Additionally a special OLED optic system on the skin of the aircraft can be used to display the words of the Mass with the current words being highlighted. This is what is known as a guided missal. If the Pope is being chased by pagan or secular forces the embedded military grade censor emits clouds of incense to cover his exit. If a radar guided missile has been launched at the Holy Father a countermeasure using Wheat and Chaff is deployed as a decoy system. And of course the backseat is always equipped with a holy water cooled 2m Canon lawyer.

COLOGNE, February 15 (CNA) – Speaking on Vatican Radio about the upcoming first anniversary of the death of Sister Lucia, Cardinal Joachim Meisner, Archbishop of Cologne, said the last surviving witness of the apparitions of Our Lady of Fatima was a nun “filled with common sense and trust in God.”

Sister Lucia died one year ago at the Carmelite Monastery of Coimbra. Francisco and Jacinta Marto, the other two children who witnessed the apparitions, were beatified by Pope John Paul II in 2000.

Cardinal Meisner, who was a personal acquaintance of Sister Lucia, shared his memories of the late nun with Vatican Radio. He remembered her as “a very sober religious; she was the treasurer of the monastery. She was a sister full of good humor, common sense and great trust in God,” he said.

Recalling his last vis! it with her three years ago in Fatima, the cardinal said he brought her a white cassock as a gift from Pope John Paul II. “As I gave it to her,” he said, “she took it into her hands and said, ‘It would have been even better if the Pope came with it’.” [Source]

MUNICH, Germany (Reuters) – A priest in Germany got more than he bargained for during confession when a man not only declared his sins, but also handed over a machine gun and a hand grenade, police in Bavaria said Tuesday.

" He also gave the priest a cardboard box with a clown’s face and the words ‘Red Nose Day March 26, 2004’ on it containing 34 cartridges of 7.65 mm caliber," police said in a statement.

The priest from the southern town of Pfarrkirchen turned in the weapons to police but told them church rules governing confession prevented him from revealing the man’s identity.

"It’s unclear as to whether the church has forgiven the sinner, but specialists in Bavaria’s regional crime agency who are bound to earthly laws are now investigating the matter in accordance with gun control laws," police said. [Source][Via Waffling Anglican]

I am not sure why there has been a lot of attention paid to a Scottish Catholic school (state run) where the 75% of Muslim students want to change it to a Muslim school? [Via Amy Welborn]

After all secularists have been successfully doing this for years with nary a complaint.

In another story an Iraqi Muslim has been made the head girl of a Catholic school in India.

Credo challenged me to a photoshop duel on Australian Senator Kerry Nettle wearing of a T-Shirt. Well I can honestly say I have never photoshopped anything since photoshop is out of my price range – but I will make due with what I have.

Australian Greens senator Kerry Nettle says she is sorry if her rosaries/ovaries T-shirt offended anyone, but pledged to wear it again.

It is always such a brave act when you know there are no consequences. Offend Catholics – ho hum, because as Kathy Shaidle says we don’t issue fatwas. Credo’s T-Shirt response is here and I will follow along with an anti-Muslim shirt also.

Gillibrand finds what he dubs the Mickey Mouse tabernacle in of all places Rome.

All together let us sing!

Who’s the leader of the Church
That made you and me
J-E-S-U-S-C-H-R-I-S-T
Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there
You’re as welcome as can be
J-E-S-U-S-C-H-R-I-S-T

Jesus Christ!

Jesus Christ!

Forever let us hold our banner
High! High! High! High!

Come along and sing a song
And join the jubilee!
J-E-S-U-S-C-H-R-I-S-T

It will not be of any surprise that the church it resides in the interior would work for the original Star Trek. Though the pyramid shaped outside would work find in Stargate as a church for the Ga’uld.

Gerald Augustinus also has a post with pictures on architecture. It is surprising that Catholics haven’t developed more of bunker attitude considering that the bunker seems to be the inspiration for so many churches. In fact I wonder if we could borrow some bunker busters?