Humor

Gerald suggests a mascot for the movement to liberate the Tridentine Mass.

I like his choice and I think his choice will also be supported by all more traditionally minded bears.

Though I think some more progressively minded bears will hardly bear the thought.

Now with all this talk about the Universal Indult possibly being released on Holy Thursday I have mixed emotions.

It would be better released on Easter since I would feel funny celebrating at Universal Studios on Holy Thursday and especially Good Friday. Now as a residence of Florida I already get a discount so added with the Universal Indult or concession I wonder how much of a discount I will get now?

Here is my post from last year.

Of course Palm Sunday leads to:

The BBC has a real nice slideshow of Palm Sunday services, though one caught my eye.

The San Lorenzo church in Cordoba, Spain, was the scene of one of hundreds of processions
in the country that will be held during the Easter Holy Week.

I am not exactly surprised that that this tradition didn’t catch on here in the U.S.

Gail Petersen carries songs around in her head. A self-taught musician who does not read music, she records her song ideas on tape before writing lyrics and arranging the music with her band mates in The Catholic Girls.

"Songs come to me as a kind of mini-movie," she said. "I see it with a beginning, middle and end and they have a little story to them. A lot of them are about girl meets boy or boy doesn’t appreciate girl and has a bad time, and then the girl is able to move on and the boy likes her after that. That comes up in a few songs."

The New Jersey band will perform at the CD release party for its new full-length recording, "Meet the Catholic Girls," at the Stanhope House on April 8. The closing band is Shabby Road, a New Jersey band that performs covers of The Beatles. Steve Berger will play bass with The Catholic Girls.

"We wanted to do a variety of all the things we like to do," Petersen said. "We have our typical ’80s new wave pounding kind of song. Then we have our punk. We have a ballad and we have a song with a Static influence with a beat. We even have a country-flavored song and a heavy metal song, too."

This is a mainly punk group around since the eighties whose tag line on their site is "from the Vatican … to your garage." They all went to Catholic schools and wear Catholic school girl outfits with an occasional Rosary, thought it is hard to tell if there faith is more than a gimmick. I do wonder what Rite they would belong to or more likely they are Ramones Catholics. In fact I have a suggestion for a song they can do about Eastern Catholic babies getting prepared for their big day.

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be Chrismated
Nothin’ to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be Chrismated
Just get me to the Church preparing for His reign
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my brain
Oh goo goo goo goo goo
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go….
Just put me in a stroller and put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my brain
Oh goo goo goo goo goo
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be Chrismated
Nothin’ to do and no where to go-o-o I wanna be Chrismated
Just put me in a baby chair get me myron
Hurry hurry hurry before I gotta run
I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my toes
Oh goo goo goo goo goo
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go…
Just put me in a baby chair…
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be Chrismated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be Chrismated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be Chrismated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be Chrismated

I do wonder if The Catholic Girls might collaborate on their new album with the Pope of Punk BXVI himself.

Some people don’t realize this, but the Pope has other influences besides Mozart. One of them is the Celibate Pistols and their classic song "God save the Holy Queen."

No the National Catholic Reporter hasn’t finally changed their name. This time it is a National Geographic Special just in time for Easter on a Gnostic gospel. Jimmy Akin has the low-down. I remember a couple of years back that the National Geographic did an extensive article on JRR Tokien and his influences in writing the Lord of the Rings which forgot to mention the fact that he was Catholic and that he considered it foundational to his books.

Detectives with the Tyler Police Department are investigating the weekend burglary of the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception on South Broadway.

Don Martin, the department’s public information officer, said police were called to the church Saturday when officials learned two key items from the sanctuary had been stolen.

Martin said the theft of the Bishop’s chair and a crucifix was an estimated loss of about $3,000. Martin also added there had been no reported church burglaries in Tyler in the past several months.

An all points bulletin said to be on the lookout for a progressive or schismatic Catholic desiring to make their own ex cathedra statements. Other suspects include liturgists who are known for removing crucifixes.

Churches in the United States are weaving music from the Irish rock band U2 with their more formal traditional liturgy.

Episcopal parishes from California to Maine are holding “U2 Eucharists” in an effort to make their services more attractive to young people interested in rock music and social activism.

At the Grace Episcopal Church in Providence, Rhode Island, the Reverend Robert Brooks welcomed worshippers and then added some unusual advice – he warned them to protect their hearing.

“If the sound’s an issue, we do have earplugs available,” he said.

Ushers handed out complementary ear plugs and fluorescent glow sticks for this communion service punctuated by the Irish band’s rock music.

When I think of the Eucharist "complementary ear plugs and fluorescent glow sticks" always comes to mind. I wonder if the priest is acting In Persona Bono? When they talk about Pentecost do they mention The Unforgettable Fire over the Apostles heads? Do the parishioners who dread getting up and going there remark Sunday Bloody Sunday? Do these churches have an address or are they located Where The Streets Have No Name? I would think this service would give the parishioners Vertigo.

Gerald at The Cafeteria is Closed covered a lot of bishop and Cardinal news yesterday the best though was the reaction from Bishop Bruskewitz’s reaction to the USCCB bureaucracy.

Some woman named Patricia O’Donnell Ewers, who is the Chair of something called "A National Review Board for the Protection of Children and Young People", has said that her Board "calls for strong fraternal correction of the Diocese of Lincoln." The Diocese of Lincoln has nothing to be corrected for, since the Diocese of Lincoln is and has always been in full compliance with all laws of the Catholic Church and with all civil laws. Furthermore, Ewers and her Board have no authority in the Catholic Church and the Diocese of Lincoln does not recognize them as having any significance.

It is well known that some of the members of Ewers’ Board are ardent advocates of partial birth abortion, other abortions, human cloning, and other moral errors. It is understandable then how such persons could dislike the Diocese of Lincoln, which upholds the moral teaching of the Catholic Church.

The words attributed to Ewers seem to confirm the suspicion that the members of her Board are unfamiliar with Catholic teachings, Catholic ecclesiology, and even the basic rudiments of the Catholic Catechism. Rather than concerning themselves with the Diocese of Lincoln about which they appear completely ignorant, Ewers and her colleagues would occupy themselves in a better way by learning something about the Catholic religion and the traditions and doctrines and laws of the Catholic Church.

The Diocese of Lincoln does not see any reason for the existence of Ewers and her organization.

I guess it is fitting that when someone at the USCCB thinks of fraternal correction they narrow their eyes on Bishop Bruskewitz. I remember the first time I heard about Bishop Bruskewitz before I was Catholic. I think it was 20/20 or some similar show that was covering his warning of excommunication to members of his diocese Back in 1996 he issued the following letter.

"All Catholics in and of the Diocese of Lincoln are forbidden to be members of the organizations and groups listed below. Membership in these organizations or groups is always perilous to the Catholic Faith and most often is totally incompatible with the Catholic Faith:

Planned Parenthood [Planned Parenthood is the nation’s largest promoter and provider of abortion], Society of Saint Pius X (Lefebvre Group), Hemlock Society, Call to Action, Call to Action Nebraska, Saint Michael the Archangel Chapel, Freemasons, Job’s Daughters, DeMolay, Eastern Star, Rainbow Girls and Catholics for a Free Choice.

Any Catholics in and of the Diocese of Lincoln who attain or retain membership in any of the above listed organizations or groups after April 15, 1996, are by that very fact (ipso-facto-latae sententiae) under interdict and are absolutely forbidden to receive Holy Communion. Contumacious persistence in such membership for one month following the interdict on part of any such Catholics will by that very fact (ipso-facto-latae sententiae) cause them to be excommunicated. Absolution from these ecclesial censures is "reserved the Bishop." This notice, when published in the Southern Nebraska Register, is a formal canonical warning.

I remember being impressed by him on the show since even though I had not really started down the road into the faith. I remember reading later on that after this he received thousands of letters in support of his decision from all over the country and less than ten against it. After the Bishop’s conference mandated that we should bow and not kneel when receiving communion he immediately granted a dispensation to this in his diocese. As Gerald mentions his diocese also has the highest vocation level per-capita in the U.S. Not exactly a shock to my readers that orthodoxy and a radical call to living the faith is the best environment for helping people to answer their vocations. Heterodoxy is a mule that doesn’t create new generations. There will always be mules, but they won’t by their very nature be populace.

But while I enjoyed the bishop’s statement on the board, he might not in fact be right about its authority. Canon Lawyer Ed Peter’s take on the authority of the USCCB’s Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People in that the charter was approved by Rome as "particular law" and in fact binding on all the bishops in the US.

Update: Canon Lawyer Peter Vere has a different take than Canonist Ed Peters. Part 1, Part II.

Now we get to the anti-Bruskewitz – Cardinal Mahony and the latest dissident fest at this years religious education conference. It does make you wonder if in a alternate-universe if the two men had been switched with Mahony in Nebraska and Bruskewitz in L.A. Can their be any doubt that they would be building seminaries in L.A. and tearing them down in the diocese of Lincoln? That instead of inviting pro-abortion politicians and others to the cathedral that instead they would be denounced and prayed for instead. That liturgical abuses would be something theoretical instead of a daily experience. You can easily imagine that the sham known as the religious educations conference would be much different than it is know. Now as it stands not only are wolves allowed among the sheep but they are invited in and given silverware to make their dining easier. Some years back EWTN covered one of their conferences and not surprisingly they were not allowed to sit in on some of the conferences, at least with any recording equipment.

Though I guess I should be somewhat thankful to Cardinal Mahony because each year he gives me ample portions of things to parody. For example from the hula mass Hawaiian liturgy I came up with Lei Witness or my captioning one year of their photos.

Though it is getting rather boring since once you have seen one "arena liturgy" with dancing girls you have pretty much seen them all. Though there are always some pictures to have fun with.

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum, On my drum? Please don’t, I think I will stick with Neil Peart from Rush

.
Monkey to Man.

Stages of Liturgist evolution (or is that liturgical deevolution).

This years motto for liturgical posturing "Stand up -Never Forget" and oh by the way never kneel.

This man didn’t listen and dared to kneel during the consecration.
He is about to be executed by a women brandishing a razor sharp pole.

Deacon holds up the Diocese official version of the Kama Sutra.

"I have gestured you all to sing so start singing before I get mad."

"Can’t we just lay the altar cloth over the altar as usual instead of holding it up during the whole Mass?"

"This liturgical dancing is really tiring, I think I will take a nap"

Heil der Mahony

Strings attached. Women puppeteer demonstrates her Marionette devotion
and skill with the new Cardinal Mahony marionette.

Though I guess the main reason I am so annoyed by these youth Masses is that it is understandable to try to reach out, but this is the wrong way to go about it. Speaking from my own experience toward the end of my high school years my mother converted to the Catholic Church and wanted me to go with her to Sunday masses. Being an atheist at that point this was not exactly something I wanted to do, but I did to please her. It was a very typical 1970s style liturgy in Portland, Or and the music was very modern with a high energy level. Since I love to sing I didn’t mind it at all and even later joined their small choir of about four people. We sang from a prominent place on what I considered the stage. Growing up with a father who was an actor and puppeteer and doing a lot of shows myself I just considered the Mass a kind of performance of religious people. There was never anything in the homilies that bothered me as an atheist and it was fun to all hold hands and sway back and forth while singing "Day by Day" from Godspell. What I considered to be the audience did the same and the people even moved into the aisles between the rows to hold hands. This was all fun and entertaining it just wasn’t about worship, transcendence, the sacrifice of the Mass. Calvary was conspicuously absent. I had no problem with the liturgy being all about me and directed to the people in the pews, after all I didn’t believe in God. The problem with these contemporary liturgies is that they just don’t prepare us for worship and love of God. Looking back I feel cheated that my exposure to the Catholic Church was a cheap performance instead of what it should be. Of course it doesn’t mean that if my mother had dragged me along to a beautiful and faithful parish like Holy Rosary in Portland that my conversion had been much sooner, but it certainly would have been nice to be introduced to not only the beauty of the liturgy but the awesome beauty of the faith – even if my hard-headedness was not ready for it.

Kota Kinabalu: The Catholic Church in Sabah expressed regret over the actions of one so-called Ustaz Tajuddin Othman Abdullah, who claims in an Internet posting to be a former Catholic priest by the name of Thomas Laiden serving at one St Mary’s Church, in 1988.

Head of the Catholic Diocese of Kota Kinabalu, Rt Rev. Bishop Datuk John Lee said Monday, the man also claimed to be currently attached to a so-called Unit Kristianologi of the Majlis Agama Islam Melaka.

"There is no such priest by the name of Thomas Laiden in the Catholic Church in Sabah.

"Whoever the individual is, his attacking the Church portrays a total ignorance and misinterpretation of Catholic teachings," he said in a statement here.

Bishop Lee said the Church deplored the underhand tactics used by the "ustaz" as "his action would definitely not contribute to the harmonious setting of a multi-racial and multi-religious nation like ours."

The so-called Ustaz’s attacks were contained in an article written in Bahasa Melayu. It also contained a testimony from him on why he converted to Islam.

Well this only adds to all of the other fake conversion stories of people claming to be Catholic priests who converted to another religion. I wonder what an Islamic version of a Chick Tract would look like?

… about a hare shirt anyway?