Humor

There is just something about this time of year that puts a skip in your step and a smile on your face. The whole ambience of the season really gets to you. The sound of briefcases opening to file lawsuits about Christmas songs at public schools, the clickity-crack of Nativity scenes being dragged back into storage after threats from the ACLU, the lack of the sound of bells clanging as Salvation Army personnel get the heave-ho from businesses. Who can forget the moment hesitation as store employees try to remember what the politically correct reply is this week as you enter and leave the store. The night before the Christmas wars where all through the malls not a mention of Christmas, nor Merry Christmas y’all.

When all are filled with the Christmas war spirit it is a sight to behold. Disturbance of the peace on earth and ill will towards men. The joy of arguments breaking out to trying to figure out if something is a Christmas tree or a Holiday tree. The Holiday that must not be named. The fun of coming up with non-specific winter season songs to be performed by public high school choirs. The competition involving who can out grinch other grinches just gives you a warm fuzzy feeling. The endless TV movies of an obviously inept Santa Claus that once again needs some help to save Christmas along with the other ones with the message family is important – just as long as it isn’t the Holy Family that is counted as important.

The Christmas wars enable all to be of good sneer. A time to let out the inner Scrooge. For one side to complain about Christian religious symbols being forced on them and the other to complain about the growing secularization and commercialization of Christmas. The Christmas wars provide an opportunity for everyone to be upset equally. That all sides can come together in unity with something to gripe about. It all just brings fond memories to my heart as I think about it and Christmas wars past.

Last year I explained the true meaning of Advent so it thought I would repost it.

Being that this is the first Sunday of Advent I thought it might be useful to give some information about this season. Advent is a shortened form of the the word Advertisement, of course you probably already knew that. This time of year we get blasted by advertisements day and night to buy gifts and to attend sales. There are some groups that contend that Advertisement actually starts on Black Friday and that this is in fact the first day of the Celebration that merchandiser consider Good Friday. During the season of Advertisement we are suppose to be of good cheer for some amorphous reason that is never quite mentioned. Rumor has it that it all leads up to the event of some child born a while ago that takes place on Christmas Day. Who this child was is not important just that we should know that the season is all about family and buying stuff. During Advertisement people say Happy Holiday’s to each other. The reason for this is that during this time Malls decorate with lots of Holly so people have considered this to be Holly days. There are also other joyful greetings like Season Greetings and 40 percent off. People spend time in thanks that they have not yet exceeded their credit limit and they might forget that they have a Savior, but they will remember the savings. During the season of Advertisement the days are still 24 hours but are measured in shopping days instead. It is also a tradition for this season to be some what penitential. Penances such as having to park in overflow parking two miles away from the mall are common. After Christmas comes Advertisementide. This is the ad season of after Christmas sales and even more discounts. Later on in the shopping season comes the season of Lent. This is because you have to get money lent to you to pay off your shopping bills.

There are also some customs associated with Advertisement such as the Advertisement Wreath. Each week you take all of your junk mail and roll it up and tighten it with a rubber band and place it in your Advertisement Wreath. The third week it is traditional to use advertisements from red tag sales. You can also make or order a Advertisement Calendar, though most calendars come advertisements this is a special edition where you mark off shopping days so you know when to panic when you haven’t got everything on your list. So relax and have a happy Advertisement for whatever reason we are suppose to be sellebrating.

Today being the feast day of St. Edmund Campion the English Jesuit Martyr my mind spiraled off to a strange connection to a couple of Queen songs. Now St. Campion didn’t exactly fair to well under his Queen though. The first song I thought of by just removing one letter from the lyrics can make it almost an ode to the harsh life of St. Edmund Campion.

I’ve paid my dues –
Time after time –
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime –
And bad mistakes
I’ve made a few
I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face –
But I’ve come through

We are the Campions – my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting – till the end –
We are the Campions –
We are the Campions
No time for losers
‘Cause we are the Campions – of the world –

I’ve taken my bows
And my curtain calls –
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it
–
I thank you all –

But it’s been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise –
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race –
And I ain’t gonna lose –

We are the Campions – my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting – till the end –
We are the Campions –
We are the Campions
No time for losers
‘Cause we are the Campions – of the world –

The other song is tied to one of the tortures he received. "We will Rack You."

Vatican Secretary of State Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone points to a mitre
Archbishop Piero Marini has picked out for the Pope to wear at the Mass
in Holy Spirit Cathedral on Friday

ERIE, Pa. — Cathedral Prep High School in Erie, Pa., is taking a dim view of pee-pee.

Students are staging a production of the Broadway hit, "Urinetown: The Musical."

Erie Catholic Bishop Donald Trautman does not object to the play itself — but a diocesan spokesman said the bishop is concerned with the title "Urinetown" being connected publicly to the all-male Catholic high school.

So, the student play will go unnamed.

It would be a copyright violation to alter the show’s title. That means the high school must try to sell tickets to its upcoming school play without referring to its title — "Urinetown: The Musical."

Posters and programs will also refrain from using the play’s name. The curtain goes up on the unnamed show Dec. 7 through Dec. 10.

The Rev. Michael DeMartinis, director of the play, said he’s hoping people will come to see this play, which dare not speak its name.

Well I guess the Bishop’s objection doesn’t matter much now that the story has hit the news. The play itself is about a drought-stricken future where urination is no longer free with songs like It’s A Privilege To Pee. The title Urinetown is also pretty dumb and if you are going to make a musical on this subject matter why not call it Piddler on a Roof? One theater reviewer mentions this part of the silly plot.

When Bobby meets and falls in love with Hope, the daughter of UGC president Caldwell B. Cladwell, he is inspired to lead a charge against a proposed rate hike that would drive urination farther out of the bounds of the city’s poor.

I guess this would make them piss poor.

Christine at TheWorld…IMHO writes:

No joke, said all the subscribers to People magazine. But, Stallone added, he’s been going through a change in his life. He’s realized that he was wrong to place his career and fame ahead of his family. "The more I go to church," he said, "and the more I turn myself over to the process of believing in Jesus and listening to His Word and having Him guide my hand, I feel as though the pressure is off me now."

And, admitting that the analogy might be a little pedestrian, he made a correlation between physical and spiritual fitness. "You need to have the expertise and the guidance of someone else. You cannot train yourself," he said. "I feel the same way about Christianity and about what the church is: The church is the gym of the soul."

And, he said, his life experiences are what allowed him to write the final chapter of the epic series. "I needed to actually go through my trials and tribulations," he said, "before I could be man enough to know how to write that kind of story that Rocky Balboa is."

So, as someone who began listening on the call as a giggling skeptic, and who does not expect Rocky Balboa to be heralded as a Christian film, I have to confess I was won over by the real-life story of redemption I heard.

So, what’s next for Stallone? I can only imagine Rambo sneaking into Burma to free Christian missionaries who are being held by militants. And as the invincible one-man army looks into the eyes of the ordinary folks from Oklahoma and South Carolina who are risking their lives for the Gospel, he is swept up by their commitment.

Oh, wait. I’m. Not. Kidding. "It rekindles something in him. He doesn’t believe at first, he’s seen too much. He’s bitter. But when he meets these people and looks into their eyes, he’s swept up in it, and literally he’s just taken on this journey," Stallone said. "He’s a Christian warrior! Can you believe it?" I’m believin’ it.

Well he could also make a movie of the Council of Nicea and instead of his trademark line from the first Rocky movie could yell out "Arian! Arian!" instead.

"I have the clothes and you have the beard for it. Together we could make a great Santa."

After all Saint Nicholas was born in Patara, Lycia now part of modern day Turkey.

The caption the AP provided I think is rather confused.

In this picture released by the Ecumenical Orthodox Patriarchate Pope Benedict XVI, left, is greeted by American Orthodox Archbishop Demetrios as he arrives at Istanbul’s St. George’s patriarchal church for a service, Wednesday, Nov. 29, 2006. The pope is in Turkey on a four-day visit. (AP Photo/Nikos Manginas)

Ecumenical Orthodox Patriarchate Pope Benedict XVI? That’s a new one on me. I didn’t realize relations have progressed that far – if only it was true. Too bad it is only a case of missing punctuation.

Though it does remind me of my Rome Depot parody that included this item.

Sport’s Gear
	Ecumenical Scuba Tanks Follow the Pope’s advice and "breathe with both lungs" of the Church when you go scuba diving. One tank is filled with an oxygen/nitrogen mix of Roman air and the other an oxygen/nitrogen mix of Eastern air. $399.99

College Catholic transcribes on the spot part of a Colbert show from last night. (He says his translation is about 70% accurate)

“My man of the year every years is the pope no matter who he is….Turkey is getting a healthy dose of vitamin B16…upon arrival the Pope spoke today about reaching out to Muslims (Pope’s quote)… Sorry Holiness that is too ecumenical, I liked you better when you were John Paul’s rotweiler… the ecumenical movement seeks to bring people together… the Pope’s visit is designed to bridge the gap between Christians and Muslims…the Muslims are a tad miffed, alright homicidally outraged, over a speech the Pope gave criticizing Mohamed as evil and inhuman…the Pope is trying to make amends and that is a big mistake.. Mohamed happens to be wrong (crowd is a bit shocked Colbert points at audience members and tells them sit back down)….hear me out, I am a Roman Catholic, the one true faith, (the Microsoft of religions) I know Roman Catholicism is the one true faith because Roman Catholicism tells me it’s the one true faith… I am sorry Islam, inherent in my belief is your wrongness… Muslims believe Mohamed ascended to Heaven on a horse, horses can’t fly, Jesus can!… the 72 virgin huggers are going to say Muslims do believe in Jesus, yah they believe that Jesus was just God’s friend, I hate to break it to you but anybody can be God’s friend, even Ted Haggard, God is a people person… the truth is Jesus is the only son of God (recites The Creed to applause) that’s the hometown crowd! Now what I just said is the complete truth or the Muslims are right and I am an infidel. I’ll tell you, the one thing I respect about Muslims is that at least they have the balls to say I am wrong… now when Christians try to be ecumenical we just look weak in our faith… if religions have to agree lets just agree on the one thing we both believe, the other guy is going to Hell!”

Colbert is fairly refreshing, though I still have no real feel how much of his television Catholicism is an act. Though he does make a mistake when it comes to ecumenism. Ecumenism is the movement for Christian unity. Dealing with Islam is interreligious dialogue not ecumenism. The "other guy going to Hell" is a bit Colbert has done before and is fairly funny in a comedy segment, but certainly not catechetical.

Gerald also covers this Colbert episode.

As for the Vitamin B16 I once did a parody along that line within a week of Pope Benedict’s selection though I called them Humanae Vitaemins.

Video via commenter Hoodlum.

With the Pope in Turkey I thought it would be interesting to do some background history on Turkey considering that Constantinople, now Istanbul, was once the capital of the Holy Roman Empire and subsequently became the capital of the Byzantine Empire. There is of course a rich Catholic history in this area filled with both glories and scandals.

I will discuss one of the low points.

The above picture is the infamous sack of Constantinople. Now I am not sure why so many of the Orthodox are still upset about this sack in the first place. I don’t know much of the history behind it other than that it dates back to 1204 and the times of the Fourth Crusade. Maybe it was filled with something unpleasant and left at the gates of Constantinople as an insult or something. Perhaps some mischievous Knight, like some kid on Halloween, filled it with manure and set it on fire. I can see how the gate guard might have been quite mad when he stomped the fire out, but this is quite a grudge to carry on for so long.

Pope John Paul II apologized about the events surround the sack in May 2001 so can’t we all just get along?

Turkey: Protesters hold massive anti-pope rally

Well that is the last straw. First they have been holding protests against the visit of Pope Benedict, now they are holding rallies for anti-popes. I wonder which anti-pope they were rallying for. Perhaps Pope Michael the 1st who lives in Kansas.

I also just realized another reason why Jesus did not choose women to be ordained. Since sooner or later we would have ended up with an Auntie-Pope.

For a serious and in depth roundup of the Pope’s impending trip to Turkey see Christopher’s list of stories.