Humor

The story of the Three Little Pigs’ battle with the Big Bad Wolf has delighted children since it was written more than 150 years ago.

But the tale highlighting the merits of hardwork and practicality has become the latest to fall victim to political correctness.

A junior school production of the children’s story has been renamed the Three Little Puppies for fear of offending Muslims.

Organisers of a children’s music festival have altered the popular characters and lyrics because of the multi-cultural nature of the youngsters involved and their parents in the audience.

But yesterday Islamic leaders condemned the politically correct move as misguided and said decisions like this were turning Muslims into ‘misfits’ in society.

	Jester Hat Tip:	Kathy Shaidle

Good to see this PC nonsense being talked down by some Islamic leaders. Though Year of the Pig ads were banned in China for Muslim sensitivity. In another case Muslims prevailed against toy pigs and a Winnie the Pooh tissue box.

Three little puppies is just too lame. I have an alternative that some Muslims will have no problem with.

In this story the Big Bad West keeps coming after and huffin’ and puffin’ a lot of hot air at these three little terror tykes. First they fled to Afghanistan, but the Big Bad West mostly chased them out. Then they fled to Iraq and the Huffin’ and Puffin became less organized and focused. Then they fled to the Media and now laugh as the Big Bad West huffs and puffs to no avail and they can just easily wait him out.

I thought the headline to this story to be rather funny.

Latin to replace Dylan

CATHOLICS could soon be singing Gregorian chants during worship after Pope Benedict announced he wants the singing style to make a comeback.
The 79-year-old German Pope, who last week told the world he does not care much for Bob Dylan, said the Catholic faithful should learn more of the chanting traditionally sung in Latin by choirs of monks.

"The better-known prayers of the Church’s tradition should be recited in Latin and, if possible, selections of Gregorian chant should be sung," he said in part of a 140-page booklet on the Mass.

He lamented that Latin, the Church’s official language, was disappearing and said he wanted future priests to study the language.

"Nor should we forget that the faithful can be taught to recite the more common prayers in Latin, and also to sing parts of the liturgy in Gregorian chant," he wrote.

The 1962-1965 Second Vatican Council ended the general use of the old-style Latin Mass in favour of local languages and some parishes allowed the singing of popular songs during the Mass.

In countries such as the US in the 1960s and 1970s, it was not uncommon for the faithful to sing songs such as Bob Dylan’s Blowin’ in the Wind or Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Water during the Mass.

The Pope, a lover of classical and sacred music and an accomplished pianist, clearly is opposed to that.

"Certainly as far as the liturgy is concerned, we cannot say that one song is as good as another," the Pope wrote.

"Generic improvisation or the introduction of musical genres which fail to respect the meaning of the liturgy should be avoided."

Now I generally like Dylan’s music, though of course not at Mass. But many do not realize that the lyrics to "Blowin’ in the Wind" are heretical.

The answer is blowin’ in the wind.

The Bible says:

And he said, “Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

So clearly the answer was not in the wind, or the earthquake, or fire.

Just 90 minutes’ drive from the temptations of Amsterdam is a village so devout that swearing is banned, women refuse to wear trousers and the bank machine does not dispense cash on a Sunday.

The Netherlands, best known abroad for its liberal policies on sex, drugs and homosexuality, is also home to a Protestant "Bible Belt" mapped out by villages such as Staphorst.

Now a small political party long associated with the Bible Belt, the Christen Unie (United Christians or CU), is benefiting from a surge of support outside its rural heartland triggered by nostalgia for a more moral, compassionate society.

After almost doubling its vote in last November’s general election to 4 per cent, the CU has become the kingmaker in the Netherlands’ new centrist coalition government, a feat unthinkable at the time of the previous election in 2003.

Wow they even let ATM machines observe the Lord’s Day. For six days they worked and on the seventh day they stopped dispensing cash. The Sabbath was made for ATM, not ATM for the Sabbath. If you try to draw cash on Sunday the screen calls you a Pagan and shreds your bank card.

Here is a previous parody I did on Bible Belts.

Equip yourself for the Christian life with these new Bible Belts™ for every person and occasion so that that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. A just man’s pants fall seven times a day so keep that from happening with these great Bible Belts™. Are you at work or in a grocery store and somebody challenges your faith? Are you always prepared to make a defense to any one who calls you to account for the hope that is in you? Sure you have tried the normal pocket Bibles, but they are just too hard to read. Why not go with the real thing that will be in front of you ready for any occasion. King James Bible Belt™. Do you enjoy the beautiful language of the KJV? Then this is the belt for you. Comes with a spring loaded cover ready for that fast paced game of Bible Ping Pong. Pages are specially treated to help you to quickly get to the verse you want. Our Price: $29:99 Catholic Family Bible Belt™. Yes even Catholics can read the Bible! This Bible is heavily indexed since you know the verse you want is in there somewhere. Now with seven more books then the KJV! This belt has plenty of room to attach Holy Water Fonts, Reliquaries, and you favorite Holy Cards. Also comes with a sewing kit for those Scapular cord emergencies. Our Price: $39:99 Apologist’s Bible Belt™. Comes with King James Version, Catholic RSV and Strong’s Bible Concordance. If your a professional apologist then this is the Bible Belt for you. Be prepared for those Bible Tag Team matches and be ready for any move. Our Price: $69:99 Compact Men’s Bible Belt™ Select the Bible version that you want for those who want a fashion conscious belt. Our Price: $29:99 Women’s Fashion Bible Belt™ Comes in only the most trendy Biblical Translations that never make you look fat. Our Price: $39:99 And if you act now with every order you will receive our new teflon coated sandals absolutely free!. Dust will not adhere to them so that when you preach to a town that will not hear the Gospel there is not dust to have to knock off at the end.

ROME (Hollywood Reporter) – Days after Pope Benedict XVI criticized the media for its "destructive" influence, the Vatican on Monday announced plans to launch its first television network by the end of the year.

H2O will broadcast news and original entertainment programming worldwide in seven languages, according to a statement. Additional details were sketchy.

Over the years, the Vatican has been quick to adopt new technologies in its efforts to communicate with the world’s more than 1 billion Catholics. In 1996, the Vatican introduced its Web portal nearly three years before the Italian state unveiled its own Web site. And it has embraced digital and satellite technology.

In a speech to the Vatican’s communications department last Friday, the Pope called on the media to promote family values, human dignity and the common good.[Via Jay Anderson]

I am sure my readers can come up with a list of series they would like to see produced. I will start off with some of my own suggestions.

• Sixtus and the City – Set in Vatican City the show focuses on the lives of Pope Sixtus IV and his artist friends as they effectively start the Early Renaissance in Rome with the Sistine Chapel.
• Three’s Company – This new sitcom based on Fulton J. Sheen’s Three to Get Married explores the life and joys and tribulations of a couple as they effectively invite Jesus into their marriage.
• Vatican 5 – In this new Science Fiction story the Vatican has moved to outer space after a highly secularized Italy forcibly takes back the land formerly belonging to Vatican City. The story takes places in the Vatican 5 space station and the plot involves the mystery of the destruction of the previous 3 stations (Vatican I considered to be Vatican City itself.) The Vatican station is the center of political and theological intrigue and the coming battle between the Radtradians upset after the Vatican issued meditations for a space stations of the cross and the Cafeterians who are just generally opposed to the 3,000 years of consistent Church teaching and the Vatican’s resistance to solving the priest shortage by the use of androids.
• Rome Improvement – The antics of a klutzy preservationist as he tries to restore frescoes and other priceless art using supercharged machinery not appropriate to the task.
• Doogie Howser, S.T.D. – A brilliant teenage theologian who graduated from the Gregorian and received his Doctorate in Sacred Theology at the age of ten has difficulties adapting and getting fellow theologians to take him seriously.
• The Frying Nun – A cooking show specializing in Southern cooking as hosted by Sister Fields.
• I Love Lucy – The trials of Lucy of Syracuse trying to remain a consecrated virgin while being pursued by a Pagan admirer who keeps repeating I Love Lucy.
• Monk – A priest in a monastery afflicted with obsessive-compulsive disorder goes around trying to solve mysteries. They first mystery he tackles is the Eucharist and each week he keeps tackling this mystery since he can never quite totally solve it.
• CSI: Vatican City – This crack team of Vatican medical consultants and other scientists review the records of alleged miraculous healing’s in response to the intercession for the process of beautification and sainthood.
• The Father Brown Mysteries – G. K. Chesterton’s Father Brown once again hits the airwaves as a freelance private investigator with his unique way of viewing the world and getting to the bottom of crimes.
• The Pius X Files – The series covers the work of a archivist in the Vatican’s Secret Archives and his specialty in the life of Giuseppe Melchiorre Sarto who became the 257th Pope. His motto is "The truth is in here, somewhere If I can only remember where I laid it last."
• Walker, Texas Bishop – This larger than life crime-fighting apostolic successor with his Martial Arts abilities can kick your ass and then hear your confession and give you last rites.

I have added three new products to my L-Mart parody. One of the additions include a graphic provided by Alive and Young.

I have added a couple of new products to my Lent Mart parody.

Paul Cat at Alive and Young reminds me of one of his previous posts on Fastfood Conspiracy that fits in nicely with the new KFC Catholic offering.

In turn that reminds me of one of my previous parody of what would have happened if Jack Chick had owned Chick-fil-a. Jack Chick-fil-A.

A reader sent me the following story.

KFC, the nation’s largest fast-food chicken chain, this week began selling something it’s never sold nationally: fish.

Its new Fish Snacker sandwich sells for 99 cents and is available at all 5,500 locations across the USA. In an unusual move, President Gregg Dedrick sent a letter to Pope Benedict XVI, asking him to lend his personal seal of approval for the item "as a way for members of your flock to keep a holy Lenten season."

ON DEADLINE: Cute? Offensive? Will you be eating a Fish Snacker this Friday?

The Fish Snacker is a filet of 100% Alaskan Pollack topped with tartar sauce and served on a sesame bun.

Vatican officials confirmed they received KFC’s request, and the company is hopeful to get the pope’s blessing this Lenten season.

"People can enjoy the flavor of the new Fish Snacker any day of the week, but we believe it will be especially popular on Fridays," said James O’Reilly, chief marketing officer for KFC, a part of Yum Brands

Well as an outright publicity stunt I guess this one is rather successful since it is getting coverage. But publicity stunt it is since the Pope never endorses any product and even if he did how would you bless a product line?

Though if they were going to pick a product name for a line with Catholics in mind how about snappers instead of snackers. As in Mackerel Snappers. While Mackerel Snapper was a derogatory term for Catholics, I think most Catholics find the term rather fun. Chicken Snappers would be quite fun. Now I know the Church supports the KoC not KFC, but you can imagine a kind of fun merger. Holy Water could be advertised as "Finger dippin’ good." When it comes to the Catholic Church of course it was the Original Recipe of Christianity. Though KFC now provides fish for men the Church is a fisher of men.

Now KFC isn’t the first chicken chain to try to blatantly appeal to Catholics. For example the following graphic illustrates something that other people have noticed.

Certainly Pope Yes has to have great appeal among those united with the Pope. The Popeno chain never really took off since you were only allowed to select one or two items off the menu and they gave you condoms not condiments.

But none of them beat my favorite chicken restaurant.

From my previous parody.

Funny how tomorrow this post will elicit no reaction.

This year when you vote in the Funniest Catholic Blog category of the Catholic Blog Awards do you know who you are voting for?

While the Ironic Catholic has a delightfully funny blog, just how much do we know about her? Why is her blog anonymous? What is she hiding? Would we find it Ironic that she is a Catholic if we knew her?

Happy Catholic is another great blog and Julie D. provides both smiles and great insights. But I have it on good authority that she once didn’t say grace before a meal.

Paul Nichols at the Catholic Cartoon Blog is one funny guy, but did you know he was born with original sin?

Gerald at The Cafeteria is Closed provides great coverage of the Church and has concluded with many a humorous line. But did you know that he named his blog after something Maureen Dowd wrote in a column? Can you truly trust someone who is such a devotee of Maureen Dowd that he would take his blog name from something she has written?

The Ox Files is a superb parody blog especially on liturgical matters, but opposition research has found that sometimes The Dumb Ox is distracted in prayer.

Kathy Shaidle at Relapsed Catholic has a wit sharper than a Ginzu knife and headlines that regularly invoke laughter, but did you realize that she regularly writes more about Islam than Christianity? Can you really trust a blog named Relapsed Catholic?

Fr. Erik Richtsteig at Orthometer is one funny priest, but shouldn’t he be praying, visiting the sick, or something instead of making us laugh so regularly?

The Shrine of the Holy Whapping is surely the funniest group blog, but did you know that their members only put in a buck or some loose change when the collection basket comes around?

If you vote for the Curt Jester I promise you a 20 percent increase in guffaws and a rubber chicken in every pot.

I’m the Curt Jester and I approve this message.