Humor

I love ScrappleFace.

(2007-4-18) — Democrat presidential hopeful John Edwards today unveiled the centerpiece of his 2008 White House bid, a budget-neutral proposal to provide universal hair care to every American.

The former North Carolina senator and 2004 vice presidential candidate is the acknowledged “hair policy wonk” among Democrat candidates.

Speaking to a convention of stylists and cosmetologists yesterday, Mr. Edwards described the vast divide between the well-coiffed and the un-coiffed masses, “a divide as sharp as the part in my own tawny locks.”

“Haircuts averaging $250-$800, which I receive, are out of reach for people who live in the other America,” said Mr. Edwards. “As a result, we see far too many getting what I call back-alley haircuts for $15 to $25, or relying on home remedies for hair conditions which really need professional attention.”

The Edwards universal hair care proposal would not boost the federal deficit, or result in real tax increases, Mr. Edwards said, because the government would negotiate favorable pricing from hair care providers, and thanks to the savings wealthy Americans could subsidize the styling of the poor

Is there any connection this week between the Imus controversy and the death of Don Ho?

There has been a lot of commentary in the last couple of days due to the Imus flap and the coarsening of culture. But like many things that we notice today the roots go back much farther then just modern times.

For example the play turned book by Baroness Emmuska Orczy called the The Scarlet Pimpernel. Now I don’t recall if the Scarlet Pimpernel drove between England and France in pre-Chunnel times in a pink Cadillac accentuated with fur rescuing French Aristocrats, but introducing a hero who was a Pimpernel regardless of the color is hardly appropriat. I hear that a new movie remake will have the possible academy nominated song. "It’s hard out here for a Pimpernel."

Long before there was Rap music there was the Hoedown.

Remember that we are still still in the octave of Easter.

New and improved Testament! More effective than the blood of Bulls and Goats!

Being that today is Thursday I am currently listening to Nick Alexander’s Holy Thursday sung to "Monday, Monday" by The Mamas & Papas which is quite funny and the song fits perfectly. Though the master song parodist that Nick is I think he really missed out on the title for this song. He should have called it Maundy, Maundy. Though maybe the pun wouldn’t have translated well when sung.

If you are not familiar with Nick Alexander he is known as the Catholic "Wierd Al" Yankovick and his CD’s are well worth listening to.

We have sometimes heard that in our current life we are on a pilgrimage and that this is not our true home. That we are made to live with the Triune God forever in the Beatific Vision if only we cooperate we the graces that he has given us. I think this is always a good reminded in our lives to remember this that the material world was never meant as our true fulfillment. We are truly immigrants that one day hope to go to our true homeland – the one always intended for us.

A nice reminded would be if we had the green card to carry.

We are all currently refugees who hope to immigrate to a place that truly suits us. Upon death though Jesus will give us an immigration interview and upon examination of the Lamb’s book of life for our entry will admit us with a permanent visa to Heaven (or Purgatory as sort of an Ellis Island) or to much warmer climes. If found without contraband such as mortal sins we will enjoy a real vacation which is in fact our real vocation. We already have our citizenship in Heaven, we must be careful though to not revoke it. Though some must think they have dual citizenships since they want to be "conformed to this world"

“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.

The good thing about are semi-permanent status is that there are not illegal aliens on earth and as the rich man who neglected the poor Lazarus found out there is no need of a border fence in Heaven because "a great chasm has been fixed." Though I do wonder if Protestant proponents of the Rapture see it as sort of a reverse immigration raid.

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He wakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he would like to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.

He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank.

He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother in law.

It never ceased to amaze me what some people consider appropriate to wear to Mass. I do have a solution when someone’s idea of modesty seems to be nonexistent. Simply have the ushers pass out fig leaves to these people when they come in. The usher simply tells them that even Adam and Eve when realizing they were naked sought recourse to fig leaves. Though as a result of original sin Adam and Eve’s apron of sewn together fig leaves must not have been seen as going far enough for God since he made for them a garment of skins and clothed them.

How cool would that be to have God as your tailor. "Where did you get that suit? Well it is an Almighty original."

Today with Palm Sunday coinciding with April Fools day I wondered if there was any connection. It could possibly have been an early April Fools joke and would explain the "Hosanna in the highest" one day and less than a week later "Crucify him."

Though trying to pull a prank on an omniscient God-man is impossible. Mary and Jesus’friends never could pull off a surprise birthday party no matter how hard they tried. Besides what can you get someone who made everything. In fact Jesus is the world’s only self-made man.