Humor

Old-time religion met newfangled technology last week when
a hospital-bound minister at a Brooklyn Heights church was installed in a 1,000-year-old
ceremony – by cell phone.

The Rev. Dr. Patrick T. O’Neill was installed as
the new minister of the 175-year-old First Unitarian Church last Sunday in
an event that drew nearly 400 people from around the area and across the country,
including Borough President Marty Markowitz.

The only person who didn’t make
the religious installation, in fact, was O’Neill himself. He was being treated
for a fractured toe by doctors at Long Island College Hospital, but he agreed
to take his vows by cell phone.

” It may be a first,” said O’Neill from his
hospital bed. “Unitarians are kind of famous for loving innovations anyway,
so now here we are, working with a technological innovation.

” It definitely
could be a first,” he added.

Well I guess I have heard being a minister is a call. So if you lose your
vocation is that a dropped call.

You also have to have a real good cell phone
provider to make sure you can hear that still small voice. God does keep
telling all of us "Can you hear me now."

Paul Nichols has another funny cartoon up.

Before – with Bishop Piero Marini

After – with Monsignor Guido Marini.

VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI elevated 23 churchmen from around the world to the top ranks of the Catholic Church hierarchy Saturday, telling them they must be willing to shed their blood to spread the Christian faith.

Wearing resplendent golden robes and a 19th century gilded bishop’s hat once worn by Pope Pius IX, Benedict presided over his second consistory, bringing to 120 the ranks of cardinals who will eventually choose his successor.

I saw a great shirt at Mass today.  On the back of the shirt
was a picture of St. Terese and next to the picture it says “Start
acting like a child.” Classic!

MADRID – DPA – The Spanish judiciary has for the first time recognized the right of a Catholic to stop being a member of the church, radio reports said Thursday.

The National Court sided with a person who had taken the Valencia archbishop’s office to court for refusing to cancel his baptism certificate.

The archbishopric had argued that baptism certificates were not files that could be cancelled and that they did not prove a person’s ongoing membership in the Catholic Church.

The archbishopric’s refusal violated the complainant’s rights to protect personal data and his religious freedom, the court said, adding that it was legitimate for him to leave a record showing he did not consider himself a member of the Catholic Church.

Removing a indelible spiritual mark is not exactly easy and you just can’t go to even a dry cleaners to do it. Last I knew judges didn’t have the ability to remove an ontological change. I guess he needs to look around for John the Debaptizer.

Julian the Apostate took a novel approach to try to become unbaptized – he bathed in bath of bull’s blood.

You know that we are Christian by our junk.

This MP3 player with Two Color LCD display, built in mic and speaker, and FM radio is available from ChinaVision in 1 to 4GB models.

Well I guess it could have been cheesier. It could have had a corpus on it where navigation was Reverse/Forward – Left/Right hand spike, Menu – Crown of Thorns, Feet spike – Stop, and Spear Wound – Play.

My question is could you bless it with Holy Water without voiding your warranty? Does it flash a sin error (or sintax error) if you load it with pirated music? What would Jesus have on his playlist?

Though I guess there are advantages. If you are fighting vampires you can have some appropriate mood music such as Gregorian Chant.

I also learned about the Blessed Virgin Mary USB stick that says "Oh Maria keep my data safe."

Via Engadget

A reader sent me a link to a parody song based on the recent story of the Nun fight in Italy that occurred among three nuns in a Convent to be closed.

You can listen to the actual song here and the following are the lyrics.

Ladies and gentlemen
We present our title bout for the evening

In this corner
Weighing in at one hundred and fourteen pounds
By way of the Sisters of Our Lady of the Immaculate Right Cross
With a record of 23 and 1, with 15 knockouts, three TKOs, two decisions, three conversions and one exorcism
"The High Priestess of Penance"
"The Pounding Penguin"
"The Assassin of the Passion"
"The Stinging Nun"
And "The Roman Catholic Wrecking Ball"
From Dublin, Ireland,
Sister Mary Catherine “The Habit Breaker” Inviolata

And in this corner
Weighing in at an even 82 pounds
By way of the Order of St. Adelaide of Perpetual Confrontation
With a record of 66 and 6, with one disqualification for using a ruler
"The Vatican Vixen"
"The Pontiff’s Pitbull"
"The Original Sinner"
"The Homicidal Bride of Christ"
"The Assaulter from the Altar"
"The Nundertaker"
And "The Mother Superior of Kicking Posterior"
From Mexico City,
Sister Maria Teresa Garcia Graziela Aguilera Delgado Francisco Diego Arroyo Inigo Montoya Zapata Paquito El Guapo Abuelita de la “Boom Boom” Mendoza

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti

Now let’s get ready to rumble…

VATICAN CITY (Roto Reuters) – Chico who is Pope Benedict’s 9-year old cat has filed an injunction against the release of the book by Italian author Jeanne Perego. "Chico and Joseph — A Cat Recounts the Life of Pope Benedict XVI" a illustrated 44-page book is purported to cover the life of the Pope through Chico’s eyes.

Chico’s attorney in filing the injunction stated "At no time has Jeanne Perego contacted with my client in any way and there have been no interviews whatsoever.”

"My client Chico feels that this book is highly dishonest and that any views expressed in the book are not necessarily his own. Chico meowed to me that ‘Hey I wasn’t even alive in 1927 so how in the heck could I have related my owner’s life from when he was born? That "nine-lives" stuff is purely superstition and my owner has lectured me and others about holding superstitions beliefs.'”

"My client want this unauthorized biography removed and failing that to get royalties or some percentage donated for homeless cats not fortunate to have such a brilliant and kind owner."