Humor

There is the old joke sometimes told by pastors of people calling them up and asking them what time Midnight Mass is. I guess thought that in parts of Britain the question is a valid one.

LONDON (Reuters Life!) – Roman Catholic churches across Britain plan to stage midnight mass early on Christmas Eve to avoid drunk revelers on the loose after the pubs shut.

A survey by the Catholic weekly magazine The Tablet showed churches planned to hold mass as early as six in the evening to avoid running the risk of disturbance from drunks staggering out of the pub at the traditional closing time of 11 p.m.

“A lot of people, having been disgorged from the pub, were attracted to the light and music and used to disrupt proceedings,” said Father James O’Keefe at St Bede’s Church in the northeastern city of Newcastle.

In the Scottish city of Glasgow, Father Joseph McNulty said: “I wouldn’t hold a Midnight Mass at midnight because of the drunks. There would be too much trouble.”

In other Christmas news, Christmas is now a national holiday in Iraq. (Thanks to the reader that sent that in.)

SANTIAGO, Chile — A judge in southern Chile has sentenced a Catholic priest to recite seven psalms daily during three months as punishment for illegal parking.
Judge Manuel Perez said he issued the unusual sentence after the Rev. Jose Cornejo said he could not afford the $100 fine that would have been the regular sanction for illegal parking in the city of Puerto Montt.

“He will have to recite seven psalms,” Judge Perez told the Santiago daily La Tercera.

“This is not a sentence that just occurred to me,” he added. “I did it as a tribute to Galileo Galilei, one of the greatest scientists of all time, who received a similar sentence from the Catholic Church during three years for saying the Earth rotates around the sun.”

The judge ordered a court official who lives near the priest to check daily that the sentence was being fulfilled.
The priest said he had parked his car in front of a school where he works because he lacked the money to pay for public parking.

Though in Galileo’s case the Holy Office had him recite seven penitential psalms on three consecutive Sundays and it was his eldest daughter Celestine who said them for him. So if their has been such an outcry over Galileo’s sentence shouldn’t this sentence be seen as much more severe over a parking ticket? This judge obviously has an ax to grind and the idea of an official being sent daily to verify the psalm sentencing is pretty over the top. Would this official bring with him an official psalm counter that he click off after each recitation?

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my parking transgressions.
Wash away all my traffic record
and cleanse me from my violations.
For I know my publicly available record,
and my driving points are always before me.
Against you, and the DMV, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.

This is from one of my older posts that is unfortunately still true.

Being that this is the first Sunday of Advent I thought it might be useful to give some information about this season. Advent is a shortened form of the the word Advertisement, of course you probably already knew that. This time of year we get blasted by advertisements day and night to buy gifts and to attend sales. There are some groups that contend that Advertisement actually starts on Black Friday and that this is in fact the first day of the Celebration that merchandiser consider Good Friday. During the season of Advertisement we are suppose to be of good cheer for some amorphous reason that is never quite mentioned. Rumor has it that it all leads up to the event of some child born a while ago that takes place on Christmas Day. Who this child was is not important just that we should know that the season is all about family and buying stuff. During Advertisement people say Happy Holiday’s to each other. The reason for this is that during this time Malls decorate with lots of Holly so people have considered this to be Holly days. There are also other joyful greetings like Season Greetings and 40 percent off. People spend time in thanks that they have not yet exceeded their credit limit and they might forget that they have a Savior, but they will remember the savings. During the season of Advertisement the days are still 24 hours but are measured in shopping days instead. It is also a tradition for this season to be some what penitential. Penances such as having to park in overflow parking two miles away from the mall are common. After Christmas comes Advertisementide. This is the ad season of after Christmas sales and even more discounts. Later on in the shopping season comes the season of Lent. This is because you have to get money lent to you to pay off your shopping bills.

There are also some customs associated with Advertisement such as the Advertisement Wreath. Each week you take all of your junk mail and roll it up and tighten it with a rubber band and place it in your Advertisement Wreath. The third week it is traditional to use advertisements from red tag sales. You can also make or order a Advertisement Calendar, though most calendars come advertisements this is a special edition where you mark off shopping days so you know when to panic when you haven’t got everything on your list. So relax and have a happy Advertisement for whatever reason we are suppose to be sellebrating.

This morning Michelle Malkin with help of some of her readers revealed that several of the "undecided" voters on last nights YouTube Republican debate were Democrats who were already supporting Democratic Candidates or in one instance part of Hillary’s campaign. People have complained and pointed out that 30 seconds of work on Google would reveal the advocacies of these questioners and that either CNN was totally inept, totally complicit, or a little of both.

Now you might think this is just another example of bias where CNN has once again planted questioners of their choosing. You might be surprised to find out that I am going to defend CNN on this and that they were truly undecided voters. I managed to find some data buried on CNN’s site of a web questionnaire that the YouTube questioners had to fill out when their video’s were making the final cut.

In each case the questioners were truly undecided on these candidates so let’s give CNN a break and stop complaining about bias.

Old-time religion met newfangled technology last week when
a hospital-bound minister at a Brooklyn Heights church was installed in a 1,000-year-old
ceremony – by cell phone.

The Rev. Dr. Patrick T. O’Neill was installed as
the new minister of the 175-year-old First Unitarian Church last Sunday in
an event that drew nearly 400 people from around the area and across the country,
including Borough President Marty Markowitz.

The only person who didn’t make
the religious installation, in fact, was O’Neill himself. He was being treated
for a fractured toe by doctors at Long Island College Hospital, but he agreed
to take his vows by cell phone.

” It may be a first,” said O’Neill from his
hospital bed. “Unitarians are kind of famous for loving innovations anyway,
so now here we are, working with a technological innovation.

” It definitely
could be a first,” he added.

Well I guess I have heard being a minister is a call. So if you lose your
vocation is that a dropped call.

You also have to have a real good cell phone
provider to make sure you can hear that still small voice. God does keep
telling all of us "Can you hear me now."

Paul Nichols has another funny cartoon up.

Before – with Bishop Piero Marini

After – with Monsignor Guido Marini.

VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI elevated 23 churchmen from around the world to the top ranks of the Catholic Church hierarchy Saturday, telling them they must be willing to shed their blood to spread the Christian faith.

Wearing resplendent golden robes and a 19th century gilded bishop’s hat once worn by Pope Pius IX, Benedict presided over his second consistory, bringing to 120 the ranks of cardinals who will eventually choose his successor.

I saw a great shirt at Mass today.  On the back of the shirt
was a picture of St. Terese and next to the picture it says “Start
acting like a child.” Classic!

MADRID – DPA – The Spanish judiciary has for the first time recognized the right of a Catholic to stop being a member of the church, radio reports said Thursday.

The National Court sided with a person who had taken the Valencia archbishop’s office to court for refusing to cancel his baptism certificate.

The archbishopric had argued that baptism certificates were not files that could be cancelled and that they did not prove a person’s ongoing membership in the Catholic Church.

The archbishopric’s refusal violated the complainant’s rights to protect personal data and his religious freedom, the court said, adding that it was legitimate for him to leave a record showing he did not consider himself a member of the Catholic Church.

Removing a indelible spiritual mark is not exactly easy and you just can’t go to even a dry cleaners to do it. Last I knew judges didn’t have the ability to remove an ontological change. I guess he needs to look around for John the Debaptizer.

Julian the Apostate took a novel approach to try to become unbaptized – he bathed in bath of bull’s blood.