Humor

ROME (JTA) — Israeli officials reportedly are concerned that security and other infrastructure for Pope Benedict XVI’s trip are not yet in place.

The Israeli daily Ha’aretz reported Sunday that Israeli security forces do not want the pope to use his partially open “Popemobile” when visiting Nazareth May 14. Palestinians mark May 14, the date on the Gregorian calendar of the founding of Israel, as the “nakba,” or catastrophe.[reference]

I have gotten an exclusive picture of the popemobile that Israel security has approved.

STOCKHOLM – Parishioners at a church in Sweden celebrated Easter on Sunday by unveiling a 1.8-metre-tall statue of Jesus that they had built out of 30,000 Lego blocks.

Silly parish, he is the LOGOS not the LEGOS.

Lifted from The Ironic Catholic

Bishop Sheen on “What’s my Line” via Fr. Ryan.

I started a Twitter account for the Pope’s Cat.

You can also find me at @curtjester.

The Ironic Catholic with her characteristic good humor has a solution.

The Pope has called on ICANN to keep religion out of the domain name system.

The Vatican warned the internet address-making body of the “perils” of allowing new internet domains such as “.catholic, .anglican, .orthodox, .hindu, .islam, .muslim, [and] .buddhist”.

ICANN, frequently accused of mission creep, could find itself having to decide who gets to represent an entire religion on the internet, His Holiness pointed out, in a letter from Monsignor Carlo Maria Polvani.

Religion-themed domains could provoke “bitter disputes” that would force ICANN into “recognizing to a particular group or to a specific organization the legitimacy to represent a given religious tradition,” Polvani told outgoing ICANN chief Paul Twomey.[reference]

I agree this would be a bad idea, but I could think of a couple of TLD’s (Top Level Domain) I would like to see enforced. The National Catholic Reporter could go from natcath.com to natcath.heretic – now that would be a good TLD. Or how about nyt.bias?

Though if there was a .catholic TLD the only way I would like to see it is if the Vatican had control of it. It would be way cool as a kind of web site imprimatur. Or maybe if the local ordinary based on where the website is headquartered had control like they do with the use of the term “Catholic” according to canon law. Though too many groups use the word Catholic without permission of the local ordinary as it is.

Dreaming, I would like to see the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith be the body to review requests for a .Catholic TLD. Even better I would love to be the Prefect of the Sacred Congregation of the Website Inquisition. Whenever I go to a new Catholic site I already check it for obedience and orthodoxy. I could call article writers/bloggers to Rome to have them explain to me how their post was in conformity to Catholic truth. Though I guess I would need a pretty big team for such a task and I would surely nominate Dale Price, Thomas Peters, and the Archbold brothers at Catholic Minority Report along with others. I would also need a good team of theologians. I can usually tell when something is hinky, I would just need major help on explaining why it is hinky. Like the CDF we would not be a congregation that just slams down people, we would give them plenty of time to respond as Ricky Ricardo would say “You got some ‘splainin’ to do”. The mission of the “Sacred Congregation of the Website Inquisition” would be to defend the Church from heresy promulgated via sites/blogs calling themselves Catholic. Maybe even for serious errors we could get to Pope to write about it. Though we would need a new category of Papal Document besides Apostolic Letter, Bull, Encyclical, etc. The Papal Fisk – now that would be awesome. Well I can dream can’t I?

I ran this test last year so you can check your progress

Funny how tomorrow this post will elicit no reaction.

Funny stuff at Fr. Dwight Longenecker’s blog.

The Crescat is running a set of pictures asking “can you tell difference…
… the winner will be the first one who can correctly identify the 12 structures below; is it a church or a prison/utilitarian structure?“

It’s not easy being me let me tell you. I went to a silent retreat. Turns out it was a regular retreat, just nobody wanted to talk to me. I can’t get no respect.

When I was a child I was possessed by a Demon. When my bed lifted up in the air my mother told the Demon to hold it up there while she got the dust mop. I didn’t even spew pea soup, more like Cambell’s Chicken Noodle. Turned out I was possessed by a very minor Demon who couldn’t even get his Latin declensions right and ran at the sight of Holy Water. No respect I tell you.

When I received Confirmation the Bishop slapped me. I asked him “I thought we didn’t do that anymore?” He told me in my case he made an exception.

My parents used to read me stories from the Desert Fathers every night. I thought this was great until I got a one way ticket to the Sahara on my birthday. I tell you it’s hard being me.

When I received the Precious Blood via the chalice they didn’t wipe it off afterward, they retired it. I just can’t get no respect.

I once went to a retreat house of a progressive order of nuns. They sent me to a prayer labyrinth. Took me 5 days to get out of there. No respect. Later they gave me directions to protest the missiles at the local military base, turns out it was during a live firing.

I went to confession and told the priest my typical laundry list of sins. He said “I have just heard the confession of a child – Damien from the Omen.” No respect and he have me 1500 Hail Marys to boot.

I finally got a spiritual director. He told me that I must follow his direction exactly and not question his advice. He asked me if I could do that. I said yes and he said “Good, then leave and never come back.” I tell you it is really hard being me.

I thought I might have a vocation to the priesthood. I met with 30 different vocations director and they all said I had a vocation to be a hermit. No respect, though one of them was nice enough to give me directions to a local cave.

After that I considered that I wanted to be a Cistercian monk and follow in the footsteps of Thomas Merton. The Cistercian novice master sent me to a hotel room in Thailand and told me to plug in the fan. I offer it up I tell you, but it ain’t easy being me.

So maybe I was called to the married life. I signed up with an online Catholic dating service. I filled out the profile honestly. The next day I got an email on details on becoming a consecrated virgin. Well Jesus got no respect either, so who am I to complain?

I went on pilgrimage to Lourdes. After waiting in line all day they told me to come back when the lines died down. Well Mary told St. Bernadette she wouldn’t be happy in this life, I just hope I can get some respect in the next one.

I have a devotion to St. Therese the Little Flower. I was praying to her to intercede for me and I asked for a sign. Sure enough next day somebody gave me some Rose stems.

You think you have it hard? Well try to be me. I went to a Protestant Bible study. They told me to come back later. I asked when, they said when they get to Maccabees. No respect even from my separated brethren.

It ain’t easy being me and I thank God for the Psalms so that I can commiserate with that King David guy. Jonah had plenty of off days also. Now can someone point me to a parish where they don’t make me sit in the cry room?