WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. – Perhaps you think you’ve seen everything. Alas, no. Apparently the new trend is people marrying … themselves!
We wrote jokingly a few weeks ago that Canada was being narrow-minded for limiting marriage to two people. Unfair to bigamists, doncha know. Also unfair, it turns out, to those who really, really, really like themselves.
The local Palm Beach Post, in a lengthy article dominating the front of the features section, gushes that one Jeannie Macaluso is marrying herself.
She has a wedding gown, bridesmaids, 50 guests, two showers and all the trappings except a groom. The only other thing missing is her father; she’s tearful that he’ll have nothing to do with her “wedding.”
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It does simplify things. No need to worry about if you are going to take your spouses last name. You already know all your bad habits unless you were fooling yourself when dating yourself. You always know when your spouse is lying. You can only cheat on yourself if you develop a multiple personality disorder. Of course since you were cohabitating or living in sin with yourself before marriage your chance of a loving relationship with yourself diminishes; you will have a tendency to take yourself for granted. Of course when you grow tired and disillusioned of yourself you might have a hard time pleading irreconcilable differences when you want to divorce yourself.
2 comments
Hysterical. And a strangely logical endgame to current trends, by which everyone gets to set his own rules. When the divorce does come, it will be the ultimate of the no-fault variety. At least no kids will be at stake. Unless..do you think she and herself will be allowed to adopt? She would also be the ultimate single mom. I wonder what church she’s getting married in. Maybe she could be a bishop in the Episcopal church. This is basically a lesbian relationship isn’t it? I don’t want to think about it anymore.
It embarasses me a great deal to admit this, but there was an apparently very lonely and socially-awkward man here in a rural part of Maine a few years ago who actually made the news because he wanted to marry his dog. He was on numerous talk shows across the country. I don’t know if he was serious, but he got at least some of his fifteen minutes of fame. Would legalizing same-sex marriage pave the way for things such as this, or legalized polygamy? God help us!