Dear Amy: Our 24-year-old daughter has declared to us that she is in love with a 50-year-old Catholic priest. She says that he has told her that he loves her, too, though she doesn’t know if he would leave the priesthood for her.
I threatened to call the bishop and tell him what is going on, but my daughter works at the diocesan office, where she met this priest, and she says that I could get her fired.
My husband and I have told her how disturbed we are, but she says that his affection, support and attention are important to her. She ignores our concerns.
Are we right to distrust him?
Should we confront him?
– Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: I shared your letter with the Rev. Richard McBrien, professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame. Father McBrien and I agree that your daughter has a right to mess up her life by falling in love with the wrong person.
McBrien says, "The daughter is an adult and needs to work this out on her own. However, the parents have every right to offer their advice. But they should do nothing beyond that. We may be dealing here with irresponsible behavior but surely not criminal behavior."
McBrien adds, "I am not defending the priest, and I agree that it is probably a dead-end relationship. If the priest is her superior, then this relationship is also unethical. This young woman needs to talk with a professional counselor who could help her to work this thing out in her own mind. The parents, however, lack the necessary objectivity, even if their concerns are valid and they are only looking out for her well-being." [Source]
"probably a dead-end relationship"? So if the priest wasn’t her superior the behavior would be ethical? Fine, fornicate just as long as somebody isn’t in your supervisory chain of command. As always the more you hear from Father McBrien, the less you want to hear from Father McBrien. The idea that a situation involving two people committing objectively grave sin requires little action is un-Christian. What about Matthew 18 of going to the sinner and rebuking them, and if they don’t repent to go higher? What about the scandal of people knowing about this relationship? Father McBrien espouses the exact same response that has lead so many diocese to have to file for bankruptcy, of course after having filed moral bankruptcy.
Not surprisingly Fr. McBrien also writes a glowing review of Father Donald Cozzens new book "Freeing Celibacy" in this weeks Tidings. He managers to mention part of Fr. Cozzens biography without of course his loss of faculties to teach in a Catholic school. The 50 year old priest in the story is freeing celibacy indeed.
17 comments
One wishes this was just one of your clever curts but sadly this is real. This is the stuff I am glad I knew none of while swimming the Tiber last year or I might have bailed out or just gone under.
Now I am here and there’s no going back and I am unbelievably grateful we have a conservative godly local priest and a conservative godly bishop.
onionboy.ca {my art}
luminousmiseries.ca {my faith}
Why would a 24 year old woman be attacted to a 50 year old man? soulmates right?
Why would a 50 year old man be attracted to a 24 year old woman? soulmates?
Why would a 50 year old PRIEST be attracted to a 24 year old woman?
HELLO!!!!! Just does not add up!
There are probably other women involved with this man. This man may be a predator. The bishop needs to be alerted.
The situation needs much prayer.
Nothing in the original letter mentions fornication, though in today’s society, it does not unlikely. I have to agree that Amy’s response (and Fr. O’Brien’s to the extent Amy has faithfully reported his response)is inadequate, though the context would be helpful. Is this from a Catholic advice column of some sort? Or a secular MSM source? If the latter, Amy’s response merely reflects our society’s sad state. If the former, it is disturbing on so many levels . . .not on Thanksgiving.
God bless everyone.
” … The parents, however, lack the necessary objectivity, even if their concerns are valid and they are only looking out for her well-being.”
Grrr…”lack the necessary objectivity” !!! I do wonder who is lacking in objectivity and logic and faith …..
What is the source of the above letter?
Thanks
Karen, stop being melodramatic. The priest is not a predator, as from all available evidence this is a consentual relationship between two adults. Now if he’s cheating on the altar boys, well then yes he would be a predator.
The attraction, while look down upon, is not uncommon, nor is it any of your business anyway. Nor as O’Brien has indicated, is it any of his business. Of course there is Matthew 18, but since Jesus is make believe, it is not relevant.
As for the source, Jeff’s link is from the Denver Post. So yes, it would be a MSM source.
Saying anything is no doubt going to turn the young lady defiant, while not saying anything only allows this to go on. Nobody wins here.
One thing, to me, yes the parents “lack the necessary objectivity” simply because the young lady is not about to listen to her PARENTS, duh! “They’re old fogeys, what do they know?” Now, if Oprah or Dr. Phil said, that’d be fiiiiiiiiiine. ^_^
“Ask Amy” is a nationally syndicated advice column. She does a good job most of the time, but she really blew this one.
I have a feeling that the parents are not Catholic, but that their non-Catholic daughter works at a diocese. Because I can’t imagine Catholic parents thinking the best place to go for advice in this matter is a secular advice columnist.
There you have it, folks: lying and breaking promises is perfectly alright with atheists like Hoodlum.
Acknowledging his nonsense will only make him come back, R.
You are soooooooo right Andy. The guy is a joke. Best thing to do is quietly laugh at him and move on. I still think he is just a high school kid with an inflated sense of his own intelligence and very little knowledge to rely upon. He cherry picks his information bytes.
My take on this story? A priest who allows himself to spend so much time with a woman that he “falls in love” knows perfectly well that he has entered into an occasion of sin. It is exactly the same as a married man “falling in love” with a woman other than his wife. Or, a woman falling in love with a man not her husband. Either way, it is breaking a promise made before God. Attractions can happen, which is why two people not committed to each other should launch the preemptive strike of not spending considerable time alone together.
The priest in question needs to get some time with his superior and his confessor, and to spend some time alone in prayer with his true Beloved.
I totally agree with you Sister! A priest is married to the Church. THAT is his spouse that he must be truly in love with, defend, and be willing to die for. There are too many priests that have no idea of who they are or what they are meant to be. I also don’t understand how a 24 year old girl could be in love with a 50 year old man! That is a 26 year difference!!!! That’s like getting married to your mom or dad! This whole situation is a scandal and is just plain sick! Please everyone, start those prayers goin’!
As Father Corapi once said on EWTN when discussing his and many of the Saints temptation for the female (St Thomas used to throw himself out of a window onto thorn bushes) “If I cant keep my promise as a priest to God, what makes me think I can keep my promise to a woman”.
Forget about this horrible priest, as he is at least better than the pedophile lavender mafia. MY wife has at least three friends who married men who were either in an order and left or who were affiliated and all three are divorced, with two former Jesuits who as men are so full of hate and anger towards these woman and have fathered children we cant believe they actually were clergy.
I thought this was another parody until I checked the source — nice.
This story and its reaction are both very sad.
Someone needs to tell the girl that if she thinks in snagging this priest and getting him leave the preisthood for her, that she can expect no more fidelity from him than he showed to the church.
This priest, like all priests, pledged there eternal fidelity to Jesus Christ and His Body, the Church. THis priest ‘falling in love’ with a girl young enough to be his daughter (talk about power issues there, huh/) is exhibiting infidelity to his vows. If he will break his vows to God what makes her think he will stay true to her vows to her? I know many priests who left the priesthood to marry. The overwhelming majority of them are on their 3rd or 4th marriage (I only know 1 or the 14 who is still with his original wife).
If Hoodlum had even a scant understanding of psychology, philosophy, or theology,he/she would hardly make the incredibly ignorant post he/she makes. But, I guess feeding a troll only makes them stay.
I have to say that this woman would be lucky to lose her job, if it just got her away from her creepy priest boyfriend. I suspect that she either didn’t have many boyfriends before or only very awkward, and felt flattered to get sophisticated attention from an older man; or was just plain starved for meeting attractive non-celibate guys, and thus became vulnerable to any guy.
Needless to say, both parties are obviously in need of some serious counseling and separation. I hope she finds another job and soon, and I hope she listens to her parents, dumps the guy, and talks to the bishop about it, too.
“Father” McBrien, quoted above, from once Catholic University of Notre Dame is not exactly your “go to” guy here in regards to moral questions.