With the recent death of my wife I am of course dealing with a lot of changes. All the patterns of everyday life in 36 years of marriage have been totally disrupted. While I am thankful for my faith in dealing with my grief, it still must be dealt with. The waves of sadness that hit me suddenly are mostly surprise attacks. Still I am dealing with it the best I can in prayer.
One of my early thoughts going through this process was that I wanted to live a life worthy of her. She who had toiled for years praying for her hardened atheist husband. After being married so long I think it can be rather easy to be set adrift. Still my faith anchors me and helps me from making of fool of myself – or at least more of a fool of myself.
Of those changes one was to commit to Daily Mass. My work hours are flexible so I searched through MassTimes.org looking for an early Mass that I could go to and still get to work somewhat early. Not many to choose from with that criteria and ended up with one at 7:00 A.M. that was only a little off my route. This was much earlier than I wanted. Still I have now managed a routine of getting ready in the morning in 15 minutes to be on my way. So despite waking up much earlier than I wanted, this is so worth it to start my day this way.
The second change I wanted to effect was to get involved in evangelization. That the faith my wife had given me should be multiplied. In the past I have made plenty of excuses regarding this. I felt like Moses telling God about how he wasn’t good talking to people. I am a bit of a gregarious introvert. I do love people, but tend to myself. I do better in larger groups than smaller ones like many class clowns.
Over the last couple of years I have been hearing more and more regarding St. Paul Street Evangelization. The more I heard the more I thought that just possible I could fit in doing this. There non-confrontational approach of handing out Rosaries, Miraculous Medals, etc – while listening to people and answering questions appealed to me. A group setting where you have several people involved and people praying for you when you talk to someone.
So I decided to reach out to them to find if there was a chapter near me. Turns out there was one – one that was just forming. So last Saturday I met with this group in their first meeting. An interesting range of people led by a Deacon obviously on fire for the faith. The parish he belongs to is providing all the materials needed. So next Saturday will be our first experience of setting out a table and following the charism of St. Paul Street Evangelization. The parish sponsoring this is right off the beach and so there will be a lot of foot traffic where we will be setting up.
Another change is becoming more involved in parish life. My wife liked going to different parishes each week. She disliked going to the same place over an over. My tendencies are different as have no problem with routine. Although going to all these different parishes did give me a snapshot regarding liturgical worship in my diocese and that generally things are improving in this regard. My first thought was to be involved in the parish where I first came into the Church. A downtown Jacksonville church that is now a Basilica. A really beautiful church with a solid pastor.
Other considerations came into play though. After my wife died I scrambled to find a place for her to be interned. I found that a parish within easy driving distance to me was the only one with their own graveyard. So she is interned there in a Mausoleum. Since we were not members of this parish, the costs were increased. Later as I realized I wanted to be buried there next to her I decided that this parish would be my home. The main church is very large seating around 4,500. They also still maintain their historic church completed in 1883. This wooden building is situated in front of the cemetery where my wife is. They have the Traditional Latin Mass on Sundays so this is where I go. After Mass it is a short walk to visit my wife and pray the Divine Mercy. I love going to the TLM on Sundays, but also love the Daily Masses I go to in the Ordinary Form.
So those are just some of the changes I am going through. So any prayers you can send my way I would appreciate.
7 comments
Lots of prayers, Jeff. (And, as someone who did door to door evangelization visits for ten years, I have a real appreciation for the St Paul Street Evangelization apostolate!)
Will remember you in prayers for your great work. It seems your late wife is looking down on you and is guiding you in this direction and a lot of the sadness you are experiencing will be replaced by fulfillment and joy.
Long story short and for what it is worth Jeff, I try to say the Rosary every day and for years, my wife and I have had a Rosary in most of our vehicles mirror and longer story shorter, sinner vic tells me that I’ll never ever get free from Doctor Taylor’s PALE GAS sins but then again we Catholic believe in the forgiveness of sin and the resurrection of the body.
Keep UP the good words in this troubled world.
God Bless and please keep praying for me also.
God’s blessing be upon you Jeff. There will always be changes both good and bad and difficult to act on. Faith in Jesus can yield peace while patiently knowing how to act on changes.
You’ve got my prayers brother.
Thank you for sharing all this. I’ve been wondering how you are doing because I can’t imagine what it must be like. Praying for you Jeff …
Will pray Jeff. I’m sort of like your wife in that I juggle three parishes: one for the Ordinary form, one for the Byzantine liturgy, and one for Extraordinary. It’s crazed, and I see the merit in choosing one. But it’s like books, I can’t choose just one to read but have to be reading three at a time.
Kudos on the St. Paul Street Evangelization. I’ll have to look into that, being introverted myself.
PS: love how you’ve kept blogging all these years.