Jesus Fluid Flow Lamp™

Ian at the excellent Aquinas & More Catholic Goods forwarded me the following information he received.

After careful consideration and research, we believe your organization could benefit from our newly patented technology. The Jesus Fluid Flow Lamp would make an excellent extension to your existing product line. With the proprietary intellectual property rights established through the patent allowance, we are confident this product would offer your company the benefits of having a unique product in the market along with substantial profitability.
Attached please find a product prospectus. This presentation offers additional information regarding this unique opportunity with a product overview, industry and market analysis, and a financial forecast to assist in your review of the Jesus Fluid Flow Lamp.

Of course we all remember when scripture mentions that he is the Fluid Flow Lamp of the World. I found the original patent application for this device.

Abstract
A religious lamp has a base with a cross extending upwardly. A body of Jesus is crucified upon the cross, the head of Jesus tilting upwardly whenever the lamp is energized and tilts downwardly whenever the lamp is deenergized. A solenoid controls up and down tilting of the head of Jesus. A fluid flow system circulates simulated blood out through the body of Jesus. The fluid flow system is either a closed loop tube through which the simulated blood passes or is an open drip wire system wherein a pump pumps the simulated blood to the top of the drip wires and the simulated blood drips down the wires and is collected in a reservoir to be recirculated.

The modern Christian loves the idea of Jesus’s head moving up and down so he can say yes to anything we ask him.

Now just in case you can’t envision the head movement:

Now I am sure you are excited about the Jesus Fluid Flow Lamp which has a closed loop system that pumps Jesus’ blood and water in a closed loop system.  Just remember to replace Jesus’ blood every 3000 hours of use (contact your local Jesus Lube for details).

So realistic!!!  Just like how I have mediated on his crucifixion.  The “Jesus sprung a leak” view surely it attested to by the latest medical science.

The target market for purchasing the Jesus Fluid Flow Lamp™ includes every American household. According to the American Housing Survey of 2008, there are approximately 117.2 million households in the United States. It has been estimated that there are close to 92 million Christian households currently in the U.S. The Jesus Fluid Flow Lamp™ is sure to be especially popular among these households.

Because you know the market for this is every Christian household. Estimated to cost between $300 to $6,000 for a full sized model you know the lines will be burning up to order one of these. So I would buy stock in this company immediately. I mean if you have a “Tackiest piece of Christian Stuff” contest in your neighborhood you would sure to be the winner with this piece. This certainly blows away the leg lamp the movie. “A Christmas Story.”

Personally I am waiting for the Agony in the Garden Jesus Fluid Flow Lamp with thousands of tiny circulating pipes blood showing Jesus sweat blood.