From Fr. Jay Toborowsk
If a football coach tells parents their son needs to memorize plays to be on the team, the parents agree. If a priest tells parents their child needs to memorize prayers or facts about their faith to be a better Catholic, the parents argue.
If a soccer coach tells parents they need to get their child to team practices three times a week, the parents change work schedules and arrange carpools. If a priest tells parents they need to get their child to a practice before a big liturgy, the parents complain.
If a cheerleading coach tells parents that they need to raise money so the team can go to a competition at Disney World, the parents sell candy bars and wash cars. If a priest tells parents that they need to raise money so the altar servers can get new robes, the parents remark that “It’s always about money”.
If a school teacher isn’t pushing his/her students to read and do math beyond their grade level, then he/she isn’t thought to be doing their job. If a religious education program pushes students to know and understand their faith beyond their grade level, then the program is thought to be “unrealistic”.
25 comments
AS a former CRE, I got quite fed up with the “you’re asking to much of my child” mentality. I often responded with something like the following:
“If your child can memorize the lyrics to hundreds of songs/how to beat dozens of video games/etc., etc., then he/she can certainly memorize a few prayers and simple doctrines of the Faith.
The biggest problem I encounter was the priests saying these things were required, and yet when a parent complains, the priest stands behind the parents and leaves you out in the cold looking like a mean ol’ kid-hater who enjoys denying people the “right” to be given the Sacraments. I left that job when I moved, and swore I would never do it again unless I was working for an orthodox priest who would stand behind me and my decisions.
I know this is off-topic, but this has got to be the most ironic statement ever published:
“The media knows where the profits lie, and it’s not in that expensive journalism stuff — it’s in the cheap and popular domain of opinionated airheads shouting at each other. This is symptomatic of a deep intellectual rot in this country.”
Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/12/cnn_screws_the_pooch.php
Amy, you hit the nail on the head. There is an old Greek saying “The fish rots at the head first.” If the Pastor isn’t making it a priority, then this is the drivel that happens. Most pastors back off taking the vantage point that a lukewarm catholic is better than a fallen away catholic and that if they start making demands, people will fall away. This is a legitimate fear. However, if the pastor doesn’t go to the wall for these things, he might as well let the lukewarm die the slow spiritual death they are. But if the pastor stands tall and mean business in a gentle but firm way, these things can be addressed.
For example, my first year at my current pastorate I found out that the local catholic youth league was holding a baseball tourney during the Triduum. I pitched a fit and informed them in would not happen again and why it shouldn’t happen. They haven’t had a tourney over Triduum since. I tell them, truthfully, that I like sports (and go to the kids games when able), but that sports should not nor cannot take precedence over the practice or deepening of their faith. I teach Jr High Religion in my school and place pretty heavy expectations on the kids for both their knowledge and practice of the faith. They have Mass 3x a week, confession and Adoration 1x a month, the jr high accompanies me to the nursing home 1x a quarter to help with Mass there, they are expected to engage in the Corporal works of mercy without expecting reward or recognition. You know what, the kids are sports nuts but they and their families have risen to the occasion and we are noticing that it is sticking once they leave our grade school and enter high school. As an educator, I feel it is my job to set the bar high and help the students over the bar. It works. The parents have mumbled now and then, but I am direct with them as to what their primary duty is as a parent…not to get their kid in NBA, NFL, NHL or MLB but to do what they can to make sure the gift given them by God ends back with their Creator for eternity..and it resonates.
Have some families ditched us? Yes. But that was the risk I was willing to take. I remember well the Book of Revelations and the spirit’s instruction to Laodicea…too often the church in the west has become the church of Laodicea. We need to challenge that.
I run into this ALL the time during our sacrament preparation for First Penance and First Eucharist. It is so hard because some of the parents truly just don’t get WHY we would push that yes, the sacrament retreat takes priority over a soccer game, etc. Our DRE has offered to talk to any coaches, teachers, or anyone else who needs to understand why the children must be excused. I’m not sure anyone has taken her up on it! We try to catechize the parents — we offer information and explanations at our parents’ meetings (beyond the details of dates and times). Too many just weren’t properly taught and seem to come simply because Grandma wants the First Communion or it’s like a family tradition. Trying to teach (children and parents alike) what the sacrament actually means and entails can be difficult if they are not ready to listen. But I try to remind myself that I’m planting seeds and I have seen that the process touches some families. It may be a small percentage, but it’s something!
While I get — and largely agree with — the overall point, the fact that so much of parish-based sacramental preparation is a complete, unedifying waste of time may feed parental disinterest.
Plus, sports coaches tend to have more of a “can do” attitude than DREs and catechetical elites. Perhaps that’s why a local Catholic high school turned over its religious education program to its sports coaches.
I just want to add that to those parents who do NOT fall into any of these examples–BRAVO!!
If a religion teacher tells the kids in her class that missing Mass on Sunday on one’s own volition is a mortal sin, and that attending school Mass on Wednesdays doesn’t “cover” one’s Sunday obligation, that religion teacher is gonna get some phone calls…..
I forgot to mention, our pastor this year initiated a Mass requirement. The children must attend Mass each week and have special envelopes to submit for attendance. Even though we’ve said they can be turned in empty, we did hear some “it’s all about money” complaints. But sadly we had several families leave the parish over this. I say sadly because I think it is such a shame that being asked to attend Mass as part of preparing to receive the Eucharist would cause that much anger. They really missed the point! Father already has to point out at every First Communion Mass that yes, they are to bring the children back to mass each week!
Rich, sadly I know that too many programs do waste time. But there are those of us out there really trying to get back the programs to the truth and teaching the children our faith accurately.
The children must attend Mass each week and have special envelopes to submit for attendance.
This I do have to quibble with a bit. My children attend an outstanding, orthodox CCD program. For years I had to drive them 20 miles each way to attend once a week, and it was worth the drive. Thankfully we moved just down the street a few years ago… 🙂
My only gripe with the program is that over the last few years there have been creeping requirements piled on– turning in Mass attendance cards if you go to the parish Mass, or the bulletin if you go elsewhere. Well, I’ve typically have four or five children enrolled in CCD any given year. Trying to keep track of five bulletins every week just ain’t gonna happen. I’ve explained to the directors that we do. not. miss. Mass. ever. and they know the family well enough to understand, but still, every year, some new catechist or another corners me, insisting we need to turn in the busy work or the child will not be able to receive such and such Sacrament. The program also started up a uniform shirt program a few years ago. Sounds fine on paper, but again– I have a lot in the program, and am not the most organized laundry person, and some of my kids don’t help. The shirts disappear into little wads in the backs of closets, under mattresses, etc.
It’s important to not make these superfluous “requirements” so burdensome that they drive away well-intended people, particularly when the requirements get multiplied by four or five or six children.
Father Jay and Amy are RIGHT!
This article is dead on. For those reasons and a lot more I finally, after 9 years, quit my position of teaching the 7th – 12th graders.
Fr Bp – God bless you. The programs won’t work without a solid priest AND bishop to back you up. I had neither!
Rich – I’m 62 years old and know my stuff. Plus – no one have ever called me boring(I AM Italian, after all!) The kids don’t care because the parents don’t care (or know anything, either), the priests don’t care, and the bishops don’t care. I know there are some great priests out there but there aren’t any around here.
It is up to the bishops, first and foremost, to set up a diocesan wide set of standards to take the pressure off the priests, which in turn takes the pressure off the DRE. Without that, the priest must set up his own standards, with the DRE’s help, and see to it that they are carried out.
When I read about the RE programs they have at churches like St. John Cantius in Chicago, it almost makes me weep with envy.
Rich, I will try to remain charitable, but I was hurt by your comments about catechists. I have been volunteering my own time for fifteen years because passing the faith on to the next generation is important to me. I am well prepared for class, and use a variety of methods in teaching the class. Is it too much to expect to not be called a “catechetical elite” who wastes my students time? I think Adrienne, I, and a whole bunch of others deserve better than that, don’t you?
I agree with Rich. While I sympathize with those Catholic priests and religious educators who are truly trying to teach the Gospel to children and form them properly for the Sacraments, far too often parish religious education is a series of hurdles and hoops which a parent must clear to “qualify” his child for access to the Sacraments.
One child I know has been in Confirmation classes for a year and a half (pre-Confirmation and Confirmation). This child complained that as of that point (!) they had not yet discussed the Holy Spirit. They had learned that fifteen minutes late to class constituted an absence, that two such absences automatically disqualified you from receiving Confirmation; that they had to memorize the Mass times at several local parishes, and that they should make up their own story of Creation including their own seven “personal” days of creation (they would also be writing their own ten commandments). And this is a diocese with a fairly orthodox bishop.
So when the DRE says, “Oh, I’m sorry, but your child’s five years as a member of the parish choir doesn’t count towards his mandatory fifty or one hundred or whatever ‘community service’ hours for Confirmation, which must be in five different areas of service…” it’s no wonder parents start to see red, and refuse to comply. I’ve heard from lots of parents on this issue, and believe me, it’s not the *academic* requirements of any of these silly programs that anyone’s complaining about.
Two further valid points have been made in this thread:
A) Kids pick up the attitude of the catechists and pastor…they can tell if they are going through the motions, bothered that they must do anything at all, or are enthused by what they teach. I have been blessed with a superb PSR and School faculty for both grade school and high school. They live the faith and are not afraid to ask the questions of parents and students that need to be asked. Now, every situation is going to have kids who trot in their own parents’ apathy or even antipathy towards faith (the cultural Catholics or the Catholics wanting to get grandma and grandpa off their back). But the witness of the catechists and clerics can at least give the kids an alternative viewpoint.
B) Many great catechists are grounded with inferior material. Most series out here are various stages of wretched. I spent one summer going through most every series out there and found the vast majority of them trite and even narcissitic. I finally settled on Ignatius Press “Faith and Life” series. We noticed an immediate difference right away. Most catechists are not trained professionals, but well meaning people trying to accomplish a thankless task. WE need to do a job of training and give them better materials…you know…do more than the ‘break down and share what you feel’ nonsense that has been the staple of catechist’s training in most areas.
Finally, what we are seeing in 4 decades of horrible catechesis now bearing fruit. Parishes have got to start trying to reach out to those lost generations. There are subtle ways. For example, those with children or teens in any sacramental program are expected to attend 2-3 classes on the sacrament in question (under the guise of helping them to be able to do their part in the instruction of their children). School families were required to meet with the pastor to go over the covenant they sign with the parish (and money is the least of the points discussed). Again we have seen immediate results in Mass attendance and charitable activity. So these things can be done. But it takes the pastor and parish to invest themselves.
My 9 years as a catechist have been an honor and a blessing, despite many frustrations. The immediate rewards of teaching early elementary students are awesome!
However, now that I am involved, for the first time, in the Confirmation program I am discouraged. The haloed children of yesteryear are not being provided with what they need for their adult future, nor have they been given (or retained?) enough to sustain them for their teen years. It is hard not to dissolve in anger and despair.
Worst of all is when you encounter a Confirmation student who was involved in every level of every parish program, who volunteered for everything, and who is today engaged zealously in horrible anti-life behavior. It guts me to see the evidence of our lack of necessary teaching on crucial topics of the day.
I don’t want to invest any more prayer, time and effort into programs that feed children to the Culture of Death. Letting them be taught to be “nice”, “tolerant”, and giving will not protect their souls or their bodies from the world’s madness.
If you are a catechist, start looking today at what’s missing from your curriculum. Maybe there’s still time to make changes for children whose parents won’t protect them or teach them how to apply Catholic teaching in essential ways.
May God have mercy on us all, and may He never have to ask us, as catechists, “WHAT have you done to my children?”
I think Adrienne, I, and a whole bunch of others deserve better than that, don’t you?
With all due respect, it’s not about you. It’s about the overall state of catechesis in our parishes. And anyone with eyes to see recognizes what a woeful state that is. Undoubtedly parental attitudes are part of the problem, but many “reachable” mothers and fathers are turned off by agenda-driven DREs and their stuck-in-the-seventies approach to instruction. Would that these folks had the passion, commitment, and intensity of sports coaches. I am glad you are doing your part, but many, many of your peers simply are not.
Take a look at the session described in this post. It is typical of what you will find in parishes in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati and other places.
As a confirmation catechist, the problem I run into most often is this having my students attend my class instead of Mass. This despite both me and the program director telling them repeatedly that if they really can only manage one or the other, we’d rather they go to Mass than class. Mass doesn’t take attendance, so they skip it. I have taken to asking them every week if they go, and some never do. Makes me want to rip out my hair. How can I encourage them to go to Reconciliation if they won’t even make their weekly Mass obligation?
I was never a catechist-but I was witness to a near meltdown by a DRE.
In 2003, I was invited to do a presentation on St. Joan of Arc by one of the parish catechcists who was in Perpetual Adoration with me. The kids just shuffled into the school gym where I was going to do my talk. Directly in front of me were two or three kids who were talking and giggling amongst themselves. I stopped, glared at them, and said calmly and quietly, “If I was your mamma, I’d kick your butt”. They stopped. Then a girl started to crack her knuckles. I stopped again, glared again, and told her in the same tone of voice as before, “Stop it”.
Then the DRE lit into them, saying that they wasted her time, the teachers’ time, and their ‘guest’s’ time [me] by acting the way they were. She said she was going to report to the pastor and assistant pastor about their behavior and even tell the Bishop that they were not worthy to be confirmed! She also threatened to have a meeting with each individual kid (and at least one of their parents) about their attitude.
Sometime during the course of that day, the deacon who was teaching one of the classes told me he had confiscated some CDs that a student brought into class. I said, “If I was teaching that class, I’d not only confiscate them, I’d BREAK THEM!”
Rich’s comments are right on, catechism classes in many (most?) parishes are a charade. I’m in my upper 20s and of the friends I grew up with I’m the only one who’s a practicing Catholic. Many of the friends I made in college grew up Catholic – I know only one who is practicing today.
It’s because catechism classes were all about fluffy feel good exercises and not teaching the truth of the faith. The only reason I’m Catholic today is because after years of being away from the Church I picked up a copy of Catholicism for Dummies and learned for the first time what the Church actually teaches.
How can we expect Catholics to practice the faith when they’ve never been taught what the faith is?
Catechists definitely have a very difficult job. St. Robert Bellarmine compares them to martyrs:
“What are the martyrs but the arms of the Body of Christ—men and women who fight with the sword of God’s word and conquer the enemies of His name by the shedding of their blood? And not only the martyrs but the teachers of Christ’s doctrine are the arms of His Body. Both are equally necessary to combat the forces of evil that are aligned against the Church. Pagans and the spirit of idolatry are met and defeated by the martyrs; heretics and apostates by the teachers. If the most painful kind of death is martyrdom, the most dangerous kind of life is to teach the truth. To both has Christ promised the reward of victory, not only in heaven, but over their enemies even here on earth.”
Rich and Brian, here’s your assignment: go to your parish and offer to teach the classes (if you aren’t already).
Wow, these are some great points. We ask so very little of people these days and they complain if we ask anything at all!
Please if you think every thing is fluff in the religous ed program in your parish or others, see what example you are setting. I am a convert and now Confirmation teacher. I have seen both sides, I hate to say this but…. Protestant parents are much more involved and live thier faith. I see only a small percentage of this in the Catholic Church. We need to be the best Holy Catholics we can be. It is our fault so many of our youth are leaving. So go to Mass, confession and please live your faith so the youth see it. The world has a great pull on our youth we can not lose them they are the future Church!
Cathecesis begins at home. It beings when a child is young. Do you take the baby to church in the little baby basket or is it too much of a bother and so you stay at home with him. do you say the family rosary after all the family that prays together stays together. Do you have a fixed family Sunday mass that you attend or is mass moved over from Saturday to Sunday to accommodate a certain favorite game.
It is first and foremost the parents job to look after the spiritual wellbeing of the child. I think that marriage preparation totally ignores this aspect of formation. The consequences of parents not living and teaching the catholic faith to their children is that no one else can really teach these kids because they do not get the example from home.
Unfortunately even the math teachers catch flack for pushing students now. I spent the last five years as a priest teaching in h.s., and the school system I was in had, in the mid 90’s, decided that memorization was not an effective learning tool in any subject. Not only was I teaching students who had zero vocabulary for their Faith, but the poor math teachers had to teach students who had never been asked to memorize the multiplication table.
Yes, I believe that parents need to teach thier children the faith, as they are thier first teachers. But it becomes a copout that we all don’t have a part in setting the example and living our faith so that all youth see it. I teach Confirmation students which are of high school age when they see adults not living thier faith they then think they don’t have to either. By thier fruits they will know, well the youth are the same and believe me they would be the first to say and point out why should they listen to my parents, the Church, the Priest or Sister etc. because so and so does not. So we can teach just by being as Holy as possible!