This year the fonts still have holy water hallelujah! It’s funny because the priest during Lent would preach about how the Devil steps up his attacks during this time. And yet for some reasom in the past the laity were forced into a sacramental fast.
I’ll take one font and one set of binoculars. Just this past Friday, my husband was chuckling at me for smuggling a bottle of holy water into Mass. We all blessed ourselves in the pew.
Wow, how useful would this stuff be? My parish removed the Holy water from the fonts, removed the statues (all three of them – in addition to that Tabernacle locater i think we need one for statues too), stripped the altar (completely), and put up a hideous banner (not felt but that horrible almost see-through stuff) and a random sapling in the sanctuary. I can’t make this stuff up people.
Now my parish has holy water in the fonts, but some years ago when it didn’t I used a prescription pill bottle with a twist-off cap to carry holy water. It was small, watertight, and easy to use.
Speaking of holy water, some years ago I was at a Defending the Faith Conference at Franciscan University of Steubenville. The last talk was Sunday morning before Mass. Kimberly Hahn was the speaker. I think her topic was either Baptism or the sacraments in general. At one point she asked, rhetorically, “Why does the Church use holy water? Why does she put those things at the doors of churches?” The answer that immediately came to mind, although, of course, I didn’t shout it out, was that the Church puts those things with holy water at the doors of churchers because she stoups to conquer.
My son was reading over my shoulder as I was giggling about the snack patch, and he asked, “Does it work?” At 6’2, this 13 year old does not like the idea of fasting at all!
Is your Hare Shirt still available to those that have not worked up to the Sack Cloth?
I love mine. Though I did where it around a Baptist friend that has a last name of Hare. He did not get it 🙂
Too funny… especially since I had resolved not to do ANY blogreading in Lent. Mea culpa….
Perhaps I am rationalizing, but there may be a mitigating or even justifying circumstance, in that I decided to visit your blog in hopes of cheering my neighbor – with the following suggestion to the Jester for TOMORROW’s blog:
_______________________________________________
ESTHER-C
“You need Esther C!!! You may say, ‘It’s Greek to me’, but Esther-C provides you with a Catholicium supplement if you are suffering from hypocanonical sindrome (known to afflict many separated brothers). Without Esther C, you might know THAT Esther (the ultimate “Jewish Princess”) WAS praying and fasting, but you don’t know WHAT she said!!
In fact, if your living water is not deuterated properly, your Book of Esther won’t mention God AT ALL!!!
Esther-C has been found to act in synergy with vitamin B-16! It is one of the few nutritional supplements approved by the FDA*.
*FDA = Faith Development Association
Testimonials:
“This is just the kind of thing I needed to develop some character. Deuteration is my dream!” – Mordecai, Keeper of the Great King’s Keys
“We do not approve of the language used, (because Our favorite game is NOT ‘Thermopolyae’), but We irrevocably decree that Deuterated Esther is just the thing to make Our day…and as for Our night, well, let Us just say, ‘It’s good to be the king!'” – Ahasuerus, or Xerxes, Great King of Persia.
*(Faith Development Association)
________________________________________
Something like that, anyway. Perhaps you can refine it?
Time is of the essence, as the Mass Reading from Esther C is tomorrow!!!
Just discovered your blog – priceless! Besides being glad for your eternal soul that you found the Catholic faith, I’m happy for the laughs for the rest of us. Thanks!
18 comments
“Shop smart, shop L-mart!”
This is a great one. I love my religious trinkets, and now I see I definitely need L-Mart products!
Another gem from the Curt Jester. This one ranks up there with Rome Depot or Avazon. 😀
This year the fonts still have holy water hallelujah! It’s funny because the priest during Lent would preach about how the Devil steps up his attacks during this time. And yet for some reasom in the past the laity were forced into a sacramental fast.
Where can I order the inward binoculars? This is what I’ve been needing for years!
Great parody — except it makes me wish it were true.
.
I’ll take one font and one set of binoculars. Just this past Friday, my husband was chuckling at me for smuggling a bottle of holy water into Mass. We all blessed ourselves in the pew.
Wow, how useful would this stuff be? My parish removed the Holy water from the fonts, removed the statues (all three of them – in addition to that Tabernacle locater i think we need one for statues too), stripped the altar (completely), and put up a hideous banner (not felt but that horrible almost see-through stuff) and a random sapling in the sanctuary. I can’t make this stuff up people.
Now my parish has holy water in the fonts, but some years ago when it didn’t I used a prescription pill bottle with a twist-off cap to carry holy water. It was small, watertight, and easy to use.
Speaking of holy water, some years ago I was at a Defending the Faith Conference at Franciscan University of Steubenville. The last talk was Sunday morning before Mass. Kimberly Hahn was the speaker. I think her topic was either Baptism or the sacraments in general. At one point she asked, rhetorically, “Why does the Church use holy water? Why does she put those things at the doors of churches?” The answer that immediately came to mind, although, of course, I didn’t shout it out, was that the Church puts those things with holy water at the doors of churchers because she stoups to conquer.
Oh my gosh, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen lol!!
I’d like to order the Inward Binoculars too. I’m doing the Ignatian Exercises for Lent and they’d get me through weeks 2 and 3 no problem. LOL!
My son was reading over my shoulder as I was giggling about the snack patch, and he asked, “Does it work?” At 6’2, this 13 year old does not like the idea of fasting at all!
Awesome! Thanks!
All this makes me smile; running out of excuses not to swim the Tiber.
Wish there was an L-mart here in Savannah!
Is your Hare Shirt still available to those that have not worked up to the Sack Cloth?
I love mine. Though I did where it around a Baptist friend that has a last name of Hare. He did not get it 🙂
How about a Tabernacle Detector?
~nb
Too funny… especially since I had resolved not to do ANY blogreading in Lent. Mea culpa….
Perhaps I am rationalizing, but there may be a mitigating or even justifying circumstance, in that I decided to visit your blog in hopes of cheering my neighbor – with the following suggestion to the Jester for TOMORROW’s blog:
_______________________________________________
ESTHER-C
“You need Esther C!!! You may say, ‘It’s Greek to me’, but Esther-C provides you with a Catholicium supplement if you are suffering from hypocanonical sindrome (known to afflict many separated brothers). Without Esther C, you might know THAT Esther (the ultimate “Jewish Princess”) WAS praying and fasting, but you don’t know WHAT she said!!
In fact, if your living water is not deuterated properly, your Book of Esther won’t mention God AT ALL!!!
Esther-C has been found to act in synergy with vitamin B-16! It is one of the few nutritional supplements approved by the FDA*.
*FDA = Faith Development Association
Testimonials:
“This is just the kind of thing I needed to develop some character. Deuteration is my dream!” – Mordecai, Keeper of the Great King’s Keys
“We do not approve of the language used, (because Our favorite game is NOT ‘Thermopolyae’), but We irrevocably decree that Deuterated Esther is just the thing to make Our day…and as for Our night, well, let Us just say, ‘It’s good to be the king!'” – Ahasuerus, or Xerxes, Great King of Persia.
*(Faith Development Association)
________________________________________
Something like that, anyway. Perhaps you can refine it?
Time is of the essence, as the Mass Reading from Esther C is tomorrow!!!
I need the Ash Wednesday stencil—- why do I ALWAYS get smudged?
Just discovered your blog – priceless! Besides being glad for your eternal soul that you found the Catholic faith, I’m happy for the laughs for the rest of us. Thanks!
You can use a car or boat title as the substitute collateral