Rich Leonardi reminds me of something I also found odd this month. On one my Catholic calendars put out by J.S. Palusch, Inc and specifically a calendar devoted to vocations – lists today as the first day of Kwanzaa. Now I of course decided to do the readings associated with St. Stephen instead while reading the Divine Office today. Funny my guide book does not have alternative readings for Kwanzaa, but happily Kathy Shaidle previously supplied some. This day of course deserves the treatment that Kathy Shaidle gave to it.
Twas the night before Kwanzaa
And all through the ‘hood,
Maulana Karenga was up to no good.
He’d tortured a woman and spent time in jail.
He needed a new scam that just wouldn’t fail.
("So what if I stuck some chick’s toe in a vice?
Nobody said revolution was nice!")
The Sixties were over. Now what would he do?
Why, he went back to school — so that’s "Dr." to you!
He once ordered shootouts at UCLA
Now he teaches Black Studies just miles away.
Then to top it all off, the good Doctor’s new plan
Was to get rid of Christmas and piss off The Man.
Karenga invented a fake holiday.
He called the thing Kwanza. "Hey, what’s that you say?
"You don’t get what’s ‘black’ about Maoist baloney?
You say that my festival’s totally phony?
"Who cares if corn isn’t an African crop?
Who cares if our harvest’s a month or two off?
Who cares if Swahili’s not our mother tongue?
A lie for The Cause never hurt anyone!
"Umoja! Ujima! Kujichagulia, too!
Collectivist crap never sounded so cool!
Those guilty white liberals — easy to fool.
Your kids will now celebrate Kwanzaa in school!"
And we heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:
"Happy Kwanzaa to all, except if you’re white!"
8 comments
I have been surprised to see how seriously Kwanza is taken by the “politically correctness”
elves.
A very good send-up although my only complaint is that you were a little too light on Karenga. I mean, you couldn’t find anything to rhyme with “detergent in the mouth”?
That technique is still used in Communist China, by the way, for torturing Christians and other religionists like Falun Gong followers. Given Karenga’s conversion to Marxism, one would wonder if in fact the PRC has taken a page from his notes.
This reminds me of my “Minority Beat” reporting days for the university paper. I also wrote an article on Kwanza. It of course never mentioned Karenga (I would never have dreamed something like that could be true). In my defense though, I was an American college student so I was in state of profound brainwashed-ness-itude.
Incidentally, at the same university, a man “representing” the local black community tried to embezzle money from the student government and because the student government was coming off a race-related scandal (the first black president was impeached), they would have fallen for it had we not checked the man’s background.
I am pretty sure he knew about the racial tensions on campus and he was using the fact he was black to try to take money that was not his. The biggest irony is that if he were successful, he would have done the most harm to the African American student body by ruining their reputation and by leaving them waiting at a glamorous ceremony where none of the scheduled guest speakers were going to show up.
I have since revised my thinking about race-oriented organizations because they are, well, racist. I will not let anyone in my family use the word “la rasa” for that very reason.
Cnd corn *is* an African crop, actually. South Africa is one of the world’s leading producers. But who cares about facts? A lie for the cause never hurt anyone!
Kwanzaa is not an authentic African observance. However broad that definition maybe. It was developed synthetically (without any organic development from anything which preceded it) here in the U.S during the ’60s by some professor from Tanzania. Therfore, if anyone needs to lampoon the seriousnes that this fabrication is afforded, please refrain from associating it with African culture or people who authentically live according to their African traditions (e.g. people with African names).From my experience I have found that most people who observe this are African Americans or others who have never had any first hand experience with authentic African culture or who have the mistaken perseption that Christianity is a “white man’s” religion which was imposed on their ancestors and that the only way to reclaim their “heritage” is by denying the one and only TRUTH and embracing this concoction as a very poor substitute. As one of who is unequivocally African and who speaks Swahili (the source language for the terms used for this holiday), I am quite disturbed by the association that has unfortunately been made between being an African and Christian and this invented holiday which for all intents and purposes is a pagan one.
I think the real lesson here (and it applies to Catholics in America) is that “playing the victim” is a kind of trap — whether you are a real victim or not.
The main problem with playing the victim is that you only have power if you can prove you do not have any power. This can make you look like a hopeless case if you spend generations on the same ploy.
Another problem is that when a group decides to play the victim, they open a power vacuum for leaders who have absolutely no interest in improving the dignity of said group. So, advantageous scumballs.
Unfortunately our pop culture awards worldly conformist and evil role models as “rebels” and heroes. This perpetuates the debilitating cycle, regardless of race or ethnicity but overall epitomized by black American culture where women are debased and men are feminized and mutilated.
I do a lot of amateur apologetics on the blogs and frequently point out anti-Catholic strains in other religions but not in the spirit of playing the victim. I ask anyone to call me on this if they think it looks like I am.
On brown, on green, on black candles
(NO Tree)
we’ve already convinced Hallmark
Now on to Macy’s!
We must shove Kwanza
down everyone’s throats
Forget those pesky Christians
Put them on a boat!
OK, so my ryhming isn’t as good as the brilliant poet…but the poem gave me a laugh and a shudder. At least the Kwanza cards aren’t flying off the shelves.
Gee R, I guess if you can believe that corn is an African crop because it’s been transported from its place of origin in the Americas and is currently grown in Africa, then you wouldn’t have any problem with the dubious origins of Kwanzaa Either.
I’m a Native American now. Awesome!
I have a question. If a person is born in the US or Canada, how can s/he be “African-American”, or any other “kind” of Amercan. Wouldn’t he just be “American” or “Canadian”?
Similarly, if a white person is born in Africa, does he get to be “African”?
I am a person of mixed heritage and race. My bloodlines hold French, English, Scottish, Cree, Metis, South African, DNA.
What does this make me?
I’m Canadian. That is it. I have no patience with this “African-American” or “African-Canadian” stuff or any of the other blends that serve political correctedness. We are nationally of the country in which we are born. If we are ex-pats, then we might be able to get away with the blended name.
I was not born in any other country but Canada. My ancestors were born in those countries. Therefore, I am a Canadian of African, Metis, Cree, French, English, Scottish extraction. Black people are Americans of African extraction. They are AMERICANS or CANADIANS or BRAZILIANS or FRENCH or ENGLISH or wherever they were born.
This other stuff doesn’t foster pride – it fosters division. We appreciate our heritage, but we needn’t be solely defined by it.
So does denominationalism if I may be so bold. We are Christian. If we do not profess Christ as God Incarnate of the Virgin Mary, crucified, died, raised again, ascended to Heaven, from there to come again in glory to judge both the living and the dead, then we are NOT Christian. If we do not do as He told us to do, to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless, love one another as HE loved us, then we are Christian in name only and not truly His. We as Catholics should be aware of the fact that we are to be good examples of Christianity.
WELL, that felt better. My one and only rant for 2006. Now I may happily hush up for another year.
Happy New Year everyone and may Christ in his mercy bring to you that peace of mind and heart that only comes from Him.