Dawn Eden tipped me off to San Francisco’s Planned Parenthood page that includes this offer
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DID YOU KNOW? You can win an iPod! |
Dawn wondered about what just might be on their iPod and what it might look like. Well I did some digging around and found this about to be released ad.
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Introducing the iPPod!
You will love our unique features like our foreplaylists where you can create lists of your favorite songs to have safe sex to! Create personalize foreplaylists for each of your multiple partners. You can even tag songs so you remember what is considered your favorite song as a couple. These can be untagged when you move on or keep multiple lists so that you always remember that special song for all of your special partners. Plus you get many preloaded songs to get you started. Groups like The Killers and Run-D&E and thousands of rock standards and new versions like:
You will get just about every sounds but ultrasounds! Our navigation software has hundreds of choices because we know you’re pro-choice. Choose what you want as long it is contraception and abortion. Options like choose life are disabled in this and future versions of the iPPod. Now just these features alone make the iPPod an outstanding value. The iPPod comes with wireless capabilities so that you can order what you want from our online store iTerminate. If you are concerned about your privacy don’t worry. Our iTerminate servers use SSL (Safe Sex Layer) a cryptographic system to keep your orders private. For men order the condoms you need and track their use. When your supplies start to run low the iPPod will beep to remind you to order more. For you men with special needs we also stock the Condom Nano. For women the iPPod will give you a friendly daily reminder to use your birth control pill and will also remind you when it is time to order more through iTerminate. A special compartment built into the back of your iPPod can be used to store your safe sex supplies. And if one of those annoying problems like pregnancy occurs use the Schedule Appointment menu option to schedule an appointment at a Planned Parenthood clinic near you. There are locations available everywhere, especially if you live in a minority neighborhood. You will be in and out in no time and with every abortion get a gift certificate for ten free songs from iTerminate! Whether you’re an adult, teenager, or pre-teen we make the iPPod available for everyone. Just like our Teenwire site you don’t even have have to be a teen to use it. So choose the iPPod while we still have a 5-4 majority on the court.*
*Offer not currently available in South Dakota, but we will soon take care of that problem. |
Because sex, abortafacient drugs and Rock n’ Roll have always gone together and why not get the one device that has them all.
18 comments
My MP3 player is solidly pro-life. But it’s not an iPod.
However, the music on it is by the usual cast of sybarites, hedonists, and nihilists, and People Who Died Before The Age of Thirty.
Tee hee.
Extremely clever, Jeff.
If I were protesting PP SFO this would be a great handout- except it seems that on the print preview screen the right margin is lopped off, if I were to copy it.
Please consider a similar riff on the vanilla creme cookies and punch they serve the girls after their abortion in the wake up room, all the protestors can hand that one out to the girls going in.
Radical consumerism at it’s best. It’s sickening what Planned Parenthood will do to promote its message.
But Wait! there’s More!
I guess their justification is that their clientel represents a demographic that otherwise cannot afford iPods. Some lucky girl can now win one and be spared the stigma of possibly getting caught stealing one. An aborted child seems such a small pric…
Featuring the stylings of Run-D&E
Well, this seems innocuous enough: You can win an iPod! Come in for an appointment at any of our 8 health centers before April 30th and enter to win an…
PRICELESS!
Another work of brilliant (though very sad in this case) satire…Bravo!
How do you think of these things. Brilliant.
We love you, Jeff.
This made me want to cry.
Abortion: Just whose right is it? + iPods for babies!
Planned Parenthood Opposes Bill to Protect Women From Forced Abortions
Whether they regret their decisions or not, you want to know what sentence I hear more than any other when talking to women about their abortions? Here ’tis: “I had no…
Yer a sick individdle and I am glad to meet ya. Planned Perversion steps into another sarchasm.
I ’bout choked on the bread that came with my ceaser salad when I got to “Condom Nano”!
What makes irony great is the fact that practically nothing would have to change for it to be played straight.
Nothing here would change!
Great work, Jeff! God bless.
You forgot to mention:
– “Papa Don’t Preach (There’s no Parental Notification Law)”
– “Heat of the Moment”
– “I Go to Extremes”
– “Empty the Cradle of Love”
– “Fight For Your Right (to Abortion)”
– “The Way It Is (As Long As Roe v. Wade Stands)”
– and of course “Under Pressure”
heheh! You never know PP might get ideas if they see this.x.x