Judith Stegman wants to reclaim the word "virgin" from jokes, satire and stigma.
When people ask whether she’s married, the 49-year-old Haslett, Mich., resident replies, "Yes, and no."
"I’m not married to a man, but I’m far from being single," Stegman tells people. "I’m a consecrated virgin in the Catholic Church."
At a time when virginity is getting the Hollywood laugh-track treatment — the movie "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" — Stegman wants to celebrate the V-word for its beauty and integrity.
"An important part of being this," she says, "is not to be afraid to say it," but it took even Stegman a while to do so with a serene smile.
"I’m not remaining a virgin because I’m repressing some part of sexuality, or giving everything to my work, or refraining from loving relationships," says Stegman. "I’m invited to a loving relationship with Christ."
She is one of about 160 women in the United States who are consecrated virgins. They are members of a little-known ministry that dates to Christianity’s earliest days.
These women pursue a spiritual vocation, but not as members of a convent or religious order. They work as teachers, nurses, lawyers, or, like Stegman, certified public accountants. They support themselves, follow a life of prayer and, in the words of Catholic canon law, are "mystically betrothed to Christ."
On her left ring finger, Steg-man, of Haslett, Mich., wears a silver band fashioned to resemble an ancient oil lamp. It symbolizes her betrothal to Jesus Christ and evokes the imagery of the Gospel parable about 10 virgins, five of whom had lanterns lacking oil. Without it, they were unready for the return of the bridegroom, a symbol for Christ. [Source]
5 comments
Wow. I find this so very interesting, and powerful. So many would make jokes about this choice of hers but I find it beautiful.
And for those who would say, “her lose, she doesn’t know what she’s missing”, I can see what she’s gaining, and her lamp is showing her the way. Oh that more young girls knew of this.
Lucy’s right, and not just for women — men too. Recalling “The Last American Virgin,” “Little Darlings,” “Grease,” “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” et al movies of my youth, which made a mockery of virginity and besetting me with anxiety as I started my teenage years, I feel defensive about a new round of these type movies geared towards my own children. Defensive is the appropriate word. Our teens are vulnerable, and our young adults and other singles are made to feel freakish and abnormal in their quest to remain pure. They/you/us are NOT the abnormal ones! The rewards in remaining chaste are often realized in this lifetime… but DEFENITELY in the next.
Teresa, I’m glad you mentioned “Greese”. It was the first PG movie my mother let me see and I remember being confused as to why the female lead had to change her personality to get the guy. Even at that young age I knew it was wrong. IMO, mass media does have an unfortunate influence.
Newsweek had a story a month or so ago about a woman who became an official hermit. And it mentioned consecrated virgins.
There was a woman on the Journey Home also a few weeks ago who talked about consecrated widows.
Fascinating. Kicking it back to the old school, in a way. Ever ancient, ever new. And all that sort of thing.
“Grease” was awful. I was horrified that the Good Girl turned Bad just to win over some boy. I knew it wasn’t supposed to work that way, but it wasn’t until I read George Gilder’s Men and Marriage that I saw clearly that girls are supposed to civilize boys.