You’re a progressive Catholic and you want to deepen your faith what do you do? Of course you can read Commonweal, America, and the New York Times to keep up – but sometimes you just want to kick back and be informed by watching TV. Sure there is much fare on TV that aligns with your world view, but don’t you want more? Have you ever stumbled upon on that 24 hour so-called Catholic network only to be shocked by women still shackled in religious garb, lack of inclusive language, and televised Masses partially in Latin, and a nun who dared to criticize our hero Cardinal Mahony? In his case we are totally against dissent. You know what station we mean and didn’t you just wish that we had our own station?
Well don’t wish any longer. We at Progressive Word Television Network (PWTN) are coming soon to a cable and satellite operation near you. We will offer the highest quality in progressive programming with a 24 hour dialogue hotline for show suggestions and improvements. Sound too good to be true? Well just check out our new line up.
Our flagship live call-in talk show with Sister Joan Chittister, OSB. She will have guests you love like Gary Wills, Father Richard McBrien, Sister Jeanine Grammick, and many more. In fact we also have so many Jesuits to choose from that we can book the show years in advance. You’ll love Earth Mother Joan’s teachings and conversations where she will channel the spirit of Vatican II live. Get great fashion tips on what goes best with earth tone pant suits, sensible shoes, and other polyester wear. You’ll laugh at her recurring gag soliciting funds to support the network “Please send your donation between your Planned Parenthood and Electric bill.”
On mondays at 8 PM on “The Journey from Rome” we will have a guest describe their conversion experience. Markus Growdie the host will interview those who have finally come to the conclusion that following some bookish celibate old guy from Rome in matters pertaining to the struggles of daily life is really wrong. The Journey from Rome delves into how the convert has come to their infallible decision that the Pope speaking on faith in morals is fallible. Conversion stories of many experiences are chronicled as some move from Protestantism to Catholicism and finally Catholic-Protestantism since we Catholics don’t have to follow the Pope or some of the the teachings of the Church either. The theme of the show is how to swim the Tiber without getting wet.
Wednesday’s at 10 PM tune in for “The Dark Night of the Saul” hosted by Notre Dame scholar Father Richard P. McBrien. This program explores how King Saul has been misunderstood and given a bum rap. King Saul was unjustly punished by the Lord for not waiting for Samuel to arrive and he offered the sacrifices himself, an act then prohibited. We can understand King Saul’s yearning for the priesthood and the fact that there was inequality in that those who were not from the Levitical tribe were banned from the priesthood. Father McBrien explains the modern parallels where women yearning to become priests are denied equality with the tribe of men. King Saul was really the Rosa Parks of priestly ordination. King Saul’s disobedience to the Lord was punished where instead he should have been celebrated for having followed his conscience and meaning well. King Saul also supported dialogue in that he was willing even to have the Witch of Endor call up the spirit of the prophet Samuel to dialogue with.
If you have ever been angered by Karl Keating, Jimmy Akin, and company misrepresenting the true Catholic faith with their smug answers taken from the so-called “teachings” of the Church you will love our new show “Heterodox Answers Live.”. Our panel includes experts on the Church from Public Television who conduct a roundtable discussion with Bishop Gumbleton and answer your phone calls. You’ll learn why Scripture, Apostolic Tradition, and the Church Fathers really didn’t mean what they wrote and how it is the modern mind that is more able to interpret their actual words. Bishop Gumbleton as progressive apologist offers arguments against false doctrines such as sola-magisterium where people actually expect a doctrine to have to be taught in magisterial documents. He also explains why Catholic devotions are not idol worship, but in fact just passe and just so pre-Vatican II. You will love his explanations in support of women’s ordination and homosexual sex with such memorable quotes as “homosexuals make love more humanely, largely because they are better able empathetically to feel what their partner is feeling.”
Daily Mass
Daily Mass is held outside of our studios at Our Lady of the Snows retreat center where Mass is always relevant.
We at the Progressive Word Television Network are concerned with more than just your spiritual health, but also your physical heath.
With Dominican Sisters from across the United States we will have your sacred heart pumping as you walk around our home labyrinths or experience the relief from stress with the centering aspects of T’ai Chi Chih. Walking around and around until your dizzy in our labyrinths will make your mind even more attuned to the theology taught on PWTN.
Enneagram I Workshop with facilitator Marilyn Carpenter, OSB who has a BS from Regis College, Denver; an MA in Theology and Pastoral Ministry from St. Meinrad’s in Indiana; and an MA in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University-West. She is certified as a hospital chaplain by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. She will lead you step by step to find which one of the nine personality types you belong to and to also help you with dream work and understanding the dream journey process.
Future Shows
Call to Action in coordination with Voice of the Faithful are currently working on developing a youth related show “Life off the Rock” Just as soon as they receive some members under forty or hire actors to play young progressive Catholics in love with their faith we will put the series into production. We are working on getting show teaching progressive Catholic sexual morality and hope to air “Sex in the City” soon. We are also currently working on creating our own radio network and just as soon as we can create some programming that isn’t redundant with NPR.
So please call your cable and satellite operation and request PWTN. We are confident that there is a demand for progressive Catholic programming and just know that you will be smart enough to choose us. When progressive Catholics have equal airtime we are confident people will rush to our intelligent and nuance arguments and we will be just as commercially successful as Air America. So for the best in progressive programming don’t forget PWTN!
79 comments
Isn’t this the network the USCCB tried to start?
Should we put that between our gas and electric bills?
“Call to Action in coordination with Voice of the Faithful are currently working on developing a youth related show “Life off the Rock” Just as soon as they receive some members under forty or hire actors to play young progressive Catholics in love with their faith we will put the series into production.”
Hahahaahahahahahahaahahahahaah…wiping tears…hahahahahahahahahaha
I’m looking in the schedule for “Threshold of Despair” with Fr. Mutch Pickwhat.
Andy,
No, it would go between the power and telephone bills!
Actually, you don’t need to donate, I hear Hugh Hefner and Ted Turner are going to bankroll it all.
(P)-people (W)-wanting (T)-tacky (N)-Nebuchadrezzar. It’s a fun little group who like to conquer Jerusalem and destroy temples, and at the same time mislead, and distroy everything in it’s path. This is TV at it’s finest! Hosted by sr. Joan “Shitcankers”
Why does a lot of the text seem to get cut off?
Superb use of the Father Charly photo from Cathcon.
The photo after “….inequality” seems to be missing.
Best wishes
Psalm 15:1-3
“Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour.”
Lets hope that the libs never see this–they might actually try to do it.
Best parody ever!
BEST – PARODY – EVER!
Progressive World Television Network
The Curt Jester has poked our funny bones with yet another of his famous parodies (not to be confused with those strong little Italian cigars).
I guess I am not at a very mature place in my spiritual walk, I can appreciate the humor and laugh hysterically at this. Lord crucify my heart and forgive me and let the seriousness of it never be lost on me.
Pay for it? Hah!
Viagra, hemroid cream manufacturers, and such are lining up to sponser commercials. It will be like watching the evening news for 12 hours.
Fantastic, just fantastic. The Curt Jester strikes again!
If you think that any of that is an exaggeration, you should come up here to Cornell and meet our “Catholic” chaplains (ugh)…
This tops it… Thanks for making my day!:)
Some things are just too funny and this is one of them. LMAO
Turn on, tune in, drop out.
Brilliant parody!!
Sadly, you can catch the live version every year at the LA “Religious Ed” Conference. Most of the above-mentioned and more for your heterodoxical pleasure.
You really need a “crossfire” type program with Fr. O’Leary for the ProgCaths and someone to represent the NeoCaths 🙂
Bravo!!!
So funny but sadly, so true. Great parody!
THIS IS AWESOME! Sadly there are probably some priests and religious who would love this to become a reality. (not to give them any ideas).
Here are a few other program ideas for PWTN.
“Holding Hands the World Over” A weekly news magazine featuring a roundtable discussion with reporters for the National Catholic Reporter, hosted by Andrew Greely. (also host of PWTN bookmark, where they explore his novels)
PWTN In Concert, W/ the classics from Oregon Catholic Press, featuring dramatic liturgical dances to Gather us In and Table of Plenty.
Defending Hersey w/sr. Joan Chittister
Holy Day of Opportunity “EUCHARISTIC LITURGIES” live from the L.A. Cathedral.
The Gospel According to Ray Brown
The Church Shouldn’t Teach That?
Live COverage of the Women’s ordination on the St. Lawerence River
and of course, the Pax Christi nonviolence infomercial
Very funny, thanks
I would love to copy this ans send it to the “Voice of the Faithful” loudmouths who shouted me down and wished “Mother Angelica would go to H___” at our parish book club last week. This is their kind of programming !!
Thanks for the laughs.
Excellent stuff… But the real Marcus Grodi might not enjoy this parody of his name and his conversion, Jeff!!!
Still, all the others deserve what you gave them, and more… I imagine our “former priest” Paul Collins will do a feature, too…
Any man that would watch PWTN or suscribe to something of the sort is PW if you know what I mean….
Keep up the good work. I hate librels
i only land here occasionally … i think it was my nephew dennis of vita mea that sent me this direction once upon a time. and now i remember why i don’t come here all that often – it takes hours for me to get back to a composed state after reading your stuff – stop it!
Hey! What happened to the “Life Off The Rock” description? That was my favorite part!
Vince,
It is still there under future shows.
Maybe as a mid-summer replacement you could have a show on making felt banners. Felt doves, felt fishes, felt flames, felt..
Bravo!
A drama about seminary life…”Queer as the Lay Folk”. Or “OZ”. Take your pick.
Oh, and they can show a made-for-TV cheapo version of the Da Vinci Code. Or they could get Dan Brown to host those periodic Church history segments.
“In the 11th century, the French monarch, descendant of Mary Magdalene and Jesus…”
Oh, man…TOO FUNNY! I am SO gonna link to this one!
Don’t forget to have a series of shows with Jesuits from Georgetown where they discuss the Eucharist, but mention only the community-togetherness stuff while ignoring the sacrificial nature of the Mass.
Oh, and since we are coming so close to election time (in Virginia we are electing a new governor), remember to have a special on ways that Catholics can justify voting for pro-abortion politicians.
Fantastic, as always, Jeff!
Watch out, Mother Angelica! You’ve got some compet
The Curt Jester has a new parody up about PWTN, the Progressive Word Television Network. His descriptions of the shows are absolutely hysterical! A sampling of a couple of my favorite shows that would be featured:
You.
Are.
My.
Hero!!!!!
Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Oh, wait, it’s only a parody, oh, my…This sounded too much like reality at the parish I left in Connecticut. Delving into eastern religions, calling the Lord “she”, and lame excuses and interpretations to justify the unjustifiable.
You made my morning. Keep up the good work!
Our favorite wacky genius comes through again. 🙂
too funny…there are tears rolling outta my eyes…hiccups from laughing. Pray God that “Sr” Chesterwhatever sees this and it becomes a wake up call for her and her ilk.
loved the labyrinth walk…latest one was put in a parish in the Seattle Archdiocese…perhaps they can use it for PWTN.
You made my week!
OMG, ROFLOL RE PWTN!
Funny, but sad. Wish they’d follow their unfaithful hearts to the Protestant church!
That’s a pretty low blow at Joan Chittister. What exactly do you think a religious in her sixties should wear–yards of linen and Flying Nun hats?
And apologies if you didn’t see the thousands of young, progressive, involved Catholics who love the Church around you at WYD. Guess we don’t all have business-owning parents who wanted to pay for our holy trips to Europe . . .
Though in response to Pa Jim’s comment, as a progressive Catholic, I will admit that I do love felt.
Yep – yards of linen and a veil and wimple would be excelent – thanks for suggesting it.
As for young progressive Catholics, I’m sure you do exist, but I’ve never personally met one. Young Catholics I’ve met are either Catholics, or they’ve left the church (generally either sex or evangelicalism – I’m not equating the two, promise).
Is this for real? Or is it satire?
Theologienne,
If there are progressive young Catholics who love there faith then why do they want to change it? Women’s ordination, homosexuality, contraception, abortion, you name it they want to change it. To love the faith first you have to accept all of it.
Hi,
Is there anyone else here who thinks that we should stop calling these people “progressives?” I once heard a quote from GK Chesterton basically saying that the only institution in the world that is truly progressive is the Catholic Church. This is not the same quote I am thinking of but this one sort of expresses the same idea:
“Progress should mean that we are always changing the world to fit the vision, instead we are always changing the vision.” – Orthodoxy, 1908
The definition of progress is to build by a series of successive steps; to improve; to advance. The fact is, those who want to change the church are not looking for progress, they are looking for conformity to so-called modern values. This is the opposite of progress because it ignores the past.
I thought your post was really funny and as always very insightful. Not criticizing, just thinking out loud (or in print?).
As someone very familiar with both EWTN and the malcontents of Chittister’s ilk, I have to say this is absolutely hilarious.
Could we please have Fr Andrew Greeley do a series on what the Teaching Magesterium really meant by Humanae Vitae? Oops! I’m sorry, I guess he’s already done that! Come to think of it, is he still around? Great stuff. I almost burst a blood veessel!
very funny, unbelivable really. Sister whatever her name is looks so bossy!
You know, sr. Joan Chittister looks to me like a woman who is rather ticked off becasue she is a woman and has had vissions of grandure for years in a male dominated world. Stirring the pot in the Catholic Church just feeds into her vission. Somewhere she lost her calling. She would be best served to watch the “Song of Bernedette”, and pay close attention to the nun who loathed Bernedette. Yet another nun who had her own agenda.
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