What rhymes with Mahony?

Cardinal Mahony has been much in the news today:

Cardinal Roger M. Mahony was ordered today to turn over documents in the secret personnel files of Roman Catholic priests accused of sexually abusing children after a judge rejected his claim that prosecutors were interfering with Roman Catholic Church operations, in violation of the U.S. Constitution.

That was a real strained interpretation of the Constitution. Not surprising with his strained interpretations of Church documents.
Forgive me if I can’t stop laughing hysterically at the opening lines of an article by Cardinal Roger M. Mahony today where he talks about the implementation of Redemptionis Sacramentum.

In the years since the Second Vatican Council my predecessor, Cardinal Timothy Manning, and I have consistently encouraged and supported the celebration of the Liturgy in accord with the spirit and the letter of the Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy, as well as with subsequent official liturgical documents designed to implement that spirit.

Each year the Cardinal sponsor and attends the Los Angeles
Religious Education Congress where all kinds of liturgical shenanigans occur. They might use Redemptionis Sacramentum and the GIRM as a guideline; as a guideline of what not to do. In this part of La La Land they continuously play negative liturgical day where everyday you do the opposite of liturgical documents. Last years conference showcased the Hawaiian liturgy which I had mocked in a previous parody Lei Witness. And of course there were also Masses (refereed to only as liturgies) featuring dancing girls and one of the most horrendous altar cloths I have ever seen.

…In preparation for the great Jubilee 2000, I prepared a Pastoral Letter in order to assist all parishes in planning and celebrating each Sunday Eucharist with the full and active participation by all the people. Released on September 4, 1997, the Feast of Our Lady of the Angels, Gather Faithfully Together: Guide for Sunday Mass sets down timetables for the implementation of the liturgical vision expressed in the Letter. Where this vision has been implemented a new surge of liturgical vitality has unfolded. The primacy of distributing Holy Communion under Both Kinds is emphasized in paragraphs 74 and 169 of the Letter. Many parishes also took the opportunity to renovate their Church sanctuaries to allow for the fuller celebration of the Eucharist and the other Sacraments.

I remember this letter on the Eucharist he wrote which put Mother Angelica into a theological conniption fit. This letter was another of those fuzzy theological letters on the Eucharist that emphasized the Eucharist as meal. While this is true it is only part of the theology of the Eucharist and probably not the most important part. Mother Angelica gave this letter a thorough verbal fisking on her show. So thorough that the Cardinal called her Bishop demanding that she apologize. She did apologize on the following week out of obedience, though I thing the points she raised were exact.

Most of the abuses mentioned in Redemptionis Sacramentum do not pertain to the celebration of the Eucharist in our Archdiocese because of our many efforts to provide intensive and extensive training in proper liturgical norms and practice. However, in order to assist each parish community evaluate its liturgical practices, I am developing a process and a Liturgy Evaluation Form which will allow priests, deacons, religious, parish liturgists and others in liturgical leadership to assess all aspects of liturgical preparation and celebration.

Call me a thorough going skeptic on that statement. I have read and heard many liturgical horror stories in that diocese. I have no way of knowing if these are deviations or norms since I do not live there. But to brag about extensive liturgical norms and practices after hosting multiple highly unorthodox conferences strains belief.

Now I am really intrigued about a Liturgy Evaluation Form. I wonder if it might look something like this.

Did you find the Mass to be:
a. Extremely heretical
b. Mildly heretical
c. somewhat heretical
d. Orthodox
e. Said with reverence
e. Heaven on Earth

Confession is held:
a. On every other leap year
b. When a blue moon occurs
c. Weekly
d. Daily

The Church’s position on abortion and contraception are preached how often:
a. Ciccadas appear more frequently
b. The Church has a position on abortion and contraception?
c. Seasonally
d. Very often

What is your opinion on the liturgical music used:
a. Should be banned under the Constitution as cruel and unusual punishment
b. Great, I always enjoy a Peter, Paul, and Mary moment (as long as they aren’t the ones in the Gospel)
c. I am glad the music is all about my service to God instead of – what do call it – oh yeah worship
d. Pretty good, but I also cheer up listening to elevator music

Your Church most resembles a:
a. Borg ship
b. Concrete Condominium
c. Some architects’s nightmare
c. An actual Catholic Church

How many Extraordinary Eucharist Ministers were in attendance.
a. I don’t know – I have difficulties gauging crowd size
b. More then 100
c. Less then 100
d. Just enough to assist the Ordinary Ministers of the Eucharist
e. Only Ordinary Ministers of the Eucharist were used.

How close was a Crucifix to the altar?
a: In the sanctuary
b. Within the Church

c. Down the street in another Catholic Church