Introducing a new product in our Office line called Microsoft Forger. We have been copying other peoples software ideas for years, so who is better to provide you with a product that imitates other peoples style and signature. Microsoft Forger is the ultimate product for pundit-proof forgery. Even if you are just getting into forgery or are an old hand, this product will deliver all the power that you need to turn out credible documents with little or no effort. Just look at some of the incredible features included. |
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Output machine selection – Select from a variety of emulators for everything from manual typewriters, IBM Selectrics, early model word processors such as Wang and many others. Font selection – Once you have selected the machine type, font selection is limited to only those fonts actually available for that machine. No longer will you make stupid mistakes like selecting Times New Roman for memorandum that were suppose to be typed on a IBM Selectric. Proportional fonts and kerning – Again options are limited by machine type Key emulation – Only those keys actually on the selected machine type are activated. Special features such as subscript and superscript will appear only as that machine would have outputted it. Some extremely amateur forgers have actually used features such as reduced font sized superscript “th” in documents that were suppose to have been from a normal typewriter. Our product will prevent such simple mistakes. Copy machine emulation – Before you print out your document you can have it automatically appear to have been run through a copy or fax machine multiple times. Lettering will look aged and blurred with random specks according to our specialized algorithm. Margins and document centering – Each document created is slightly different to account for the non-exact centering of manual machines and the variance of paper feeds. Nobody will be able to overlay your forgery with his own created forgery and have them exactly line up. Correction emulation – If your output type is for a device such as a typewriter you also need proper correction emulation since these documents were rarely perfect. Special effects such as type over, white out smudges, or coffee stains can be selectively applied. Signature scanning – Scan in a signature from a record in the public domain and MS Forger will automatically store it in a vector signature file for use in adding to your document. The signature scanner will remove artifacts such as lettering found underneath the signature scan. Add-Ons – There are many specialized add-ons that can be used depending on your document forgery needs. For a limited time only when you buy Microsoft Forger we will include the Texas National Guard Memorandum (TNGM) add-on for free. Here are just some of the features of the TNGM add-on.
Accreditation – Our documents have been accredited as undetectable by the National Organization of Forensic Document Examiners. And we are just not talking CBS’s hired experts, but ones that can actually detect forged documents. So if you are a Kerry campaign operative or a CBS intern then this is the program for you. |
MS Forger
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Found It Myself
I was fishing around in Google, and searched on blog pajamas. The first page out of 35,800 hits started with some social diaries where pajamas have already been expected. Halfway down I did find someone reacting to the “guy in…
New Microsoft Product
Looks like the innovators at Microsoft have done it again!
(Via Urthshu.)
MICROSOFT’S LATEST PRODUCT
Inspired by Rathergate, The Curt Jester has created Microsoft Forger, with handy features for future CBS sources including: Output machine selection – Select from a variety of emulators for everything from manual typewriters, IBM Selectrics, early mode…
What the hey? There’s a processor called “Wang”?????
I don’t know how you consistently are so funny and dead on target. Good one!
Btw, you forgot to put the price tags on this spftware. Or should we just download it from Kazaa? a freeware 😉
Since this is a Microsoft product, you know it’s going to be buggy. Someone will forge a document, and then it will turn out the program’s got a bug and makes an easy to spot forgery to everyone not working at CBS.
New advertising pitch: Microsoft – Bungling forgeries since 1981. (Hey, they can be good for something!)
Brilliant! — Too bad Dan Rather didn’t beta-test the trial version.
Jeff…you are soooooo funny! I don’t know how you come up with all these great ideas. You should send this in to LGF or Scrappleface!
This one is hilarious!
Never buy version 1.0 of anything.
I especially enjoyed this one.
😉
What do you want to forge today?
[source] Microsoft Forger — a product whose time has come….
Just when I’m about to lose faith in humanity, you come out with this. Thanks for keeping my good humor alive despite the odds!
You’re the best, Jeff! I’m gonna send this one around. 🙂
You forgot to emphasize the paper-indentation feature for when you’re emulating a typewriter. This software is so sophisticated it can even make letter-shaped dents in the paper like a real typewriter, and embed microscopic pieces of ribbon thread in the dents.
Incredible stuff.
I Loves Me Some Microsoft Forger
Microsoft Forger promises to take all the tedium and confusion out of drafting first-class political hoaxes….
Another Break For Some Ha-Ha (UPDATED)
When asked about the possibility that the typefaces are too similar to those found in common web browsers, Mr. Rathers responded “This is real. Those who are trying to say that this is some sort of scam are mostly Internet…
And the judges score it: 9, 9, 8.5, 10, 8.5, and from the CBS judge, a 2.
Great work.
I forged the Bush/CBS Memos!
This is hysterical. However, You’ll never corner the true pointy-head market without a Linux version.
Fun With Photoshop
What do you want to be this thing crashes whenever you try to duplicate Bill Gates’s signature?…
Will there be an extremely buggy mac version for this as well? You can call it Microsoft Forger X and have it only include features from like 3 years ago.
Watch out, Dan!
Don’t mess with the Blogosphere Express!
More: Introducting Microsoft Forger
The Mac version will brag more features, but will be delayed several times. Competing divisions of Microsoft will develop “Giuliani Illicit Affair” and “Jeb Bush Florida Election” plug-ins. Public Beta 1.02c will be out by August 2008. Due to a security hole in the Windows version, copies of some forged documents will be inadvertently emailed to all RNC members in its database.
MS Forger
Ha!
Introducing a new product in our Office line called Microsoft Forger. We have been copying other peoples software ideas for years, so who is better to provide you with a product that imitates other peoples style and signature. Microsoft Forger is…
We need to start a OSS project on SourceForge before Microsoft achieves vendor lock-in in this vital part of the software ecosystem.
http://www.hayekcenter.org/prestopunditarchive/004243.html
…
Bloody brilliant. I’m emailing your link around.
Also, don’t forget the ever-valuable tool that mimics double-strikes, strikes of uneven force and of course the over-inked or under-inked ribbon look.
Does it mean that I’m old because I know all of this?
Also, major networks should be able to take advantage of Microsoft’s volume-licensing agreement 😉
Rather Nice Software
Michelle Malkin links to this Rath nice piece of software released by Microsoft today: Microsoft Forger….
“Brilliant! — Too bad Dan Rather didn’t beta-test the trial version.”
Who says he didn’t?
I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.
Excellent!
Got this up at http://medvedfans.blog-city.com. Thanks!!
Great post! Too funny. Does a link from Michelle Malkin qualify as a Michellanche?
Keep up the good work.
Rather-gate
The Curt Jester: MS Forger I found this one on Michelle Malkin’s blog. Just what the good folks at CBS could have used about a week ago… Output machine selection – Select from a variety of emulators for everything from…
Oh, yes – Wang was _the_ word processor before PC’s hit the market. There are still some Wang VS machines in use out there…
Very funny! By the way, What’s a PUBIC domain?
I wonder if MS Forger was used to create this: http://geocities.com/jsmithy2 ???
🙂
C BS. C BS Run. Run, C BS, Run (Part 4)
Killian’s former secretary says the CBS documents are fakes. Two document experts hired to examine the documents before last Wednesday’s broadcast warned CBS that the documents they were about to air were probably forgeries. Emily Will, a veteran docum…
Dan Rather is an intern??
Microsoft Forger Released!
Heh, heh! Look like this new product was released just a few days too late to assist Dan Rather and CBS out… Even if you are just getting into forgery
A new product from Microsoft
MS Forger: For all your document forging needs….
A NEW MICROSOFT PRODUCT
If only CSB had waited a couple weeks.Even if you are just getting into forgery or are an old hand, this product will deliver all the power that you need to turn out credible documents with little or no effort.(via…
http://www.americandigest.org/sidelines/archives/002174.php
IT GETS WORSE 2.0 “Introducing a new product in our Office line called Microsoft Forger. We have been copying other peoples software ideas for years, so who is better to provide you with a product that imitates other peoples style and signature. Micros…
Microsoft does it again;)
You have to check this product out, it’s too much;)…
Funny stuff.
Love the Pope pic. His Holiness must have gotten the blue screen of death.
I think the CIA beta-tested this program with the WMD intelligence.
Forgery for the Masses
From The Curt Jester, comes this stunning product news:Introducing a new product in our Office line called Microsoft Forger. We have been copying other peoples software ideas for years, so who is better to provide you with a product that…
Rathergate revisited
My last go around on the docs is inspired in part by this leftwing epistemiology and in part by this analysis of what one of Andrew Sullivan’s readers wrote. I’m sort of fisking the first link but in reality I’m using it as an example of a type rathe…
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