Jesus vandalizes tomb

John da Fiesole of Disputations had a post on Holy Thursday on “The
Ginger Factor“. He speculated that much of the commentary on the Pope’s
new encyclical would amount to “The liberals better watch out!” Which I say
has already been born out in some of the reactions I have seen in the last
couple of days. He also mentioned the fact reporters seize on such bits of
rehashed doctrine as not allowing everyone to go to communion. This reminds
me of the Pharisees when they would totally ignore the miracle that they
had just witnessed and concentrate on the fact that Jesus he performed it
on the Sabbath.

Here are some other possible headlines the modern media might
have used if they had covered the life of Jesus:

• Shepherds report sighting of UFOs, aliens give message of peace to those
  of good will
• Jesus goes on hunger strike
• Short-sighted John the Baptist confuses Jesus with lamb
• At Cana wedding Jesus spoils water supply
• Jesus threatens Satan with regime change
• Jesus gives the budget-concious tips on how to feed five thousand
  with only five loaves and two fish
• Simon Peter proposes building project dedicated to Moses, Elijah, and Jesus
• Costly ointment wasted in foot washing
• Jesus underbids all contractors to rebuild the temple in only
  three days
• Jesus masquerades as gardener
• Tomb guards encouraged to lie in cover up, developing
• John wins foot race against Simon Peter in race to the tomb
• Shadow of Peter, miraculous or eco disaster?
• Gamaliel’s disciple falls of horse and goes blind

Update: Michelle of And Then? added these in the comment box. These are too good to remain in the comment box.

• Jesus speaks from beyond the grave and claims persecution even after death.
• Peter suspected in deaths of a local couple.
• Peter claims that unclean meats aren’t bad for people, after all.
• The late Jesus said to claim that it’s better to give than to receive. Local disciples suspected of using this alleged saying to plump for increased donations.
• Preacher’s sermon causes boy to fall asleep and die. Police to investigate.

John da Fiesole of Disputations adds:

• Foal of Ass Looted, Palm Trees Vandalized, Road Littered in Anti-Temple March
• Political Activist Released in Nick of Time, Three Others Not So Lucky