Heretical Hymns

Victor Lams posts about infiltrating the liturgical complex by writing outlandishly heretical hymns that will be snapped up by music publishers and then slowly trying to introduce real music. He has some very funny possible hymn titles of which I have put the words to one of them:

I Am The Resurrection Muffin

For the poor, the sad the downtrodden
Look to me the Resurrection Muffin
No half-baked theology for you or me
I am fully cooked plainly you can see

Chorus:
Repent deeply of all your sins
Look deeply upon the Resurrection Muffin
Your salvation now has truly began
available in Banana Nut or Healthy Oat Bran

Diversity in liturgy is no problem for me
Yummy Chocolate Chip and also Blueberry
I am the true paschal pastry
Eat of me and you will be set free

Chorus:

All the best liturgists fully approve of me
Chocked full of nuts like their liturgies
Pop me right out of that muffin tin
Enjoy the life of the muffin within

Chorus:

And here is another offering sung to Here I am Lord, and if you don’t know the music that goes along with it – then count your blessings.

Here I am, Bored

Masses with guitar licks.
Heretical insipid fare.
Let me listen to you.
Fill me with despair.

Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.

This song is everlasting.
Pop music of I tire.
A total tonal bleakness.
Couldn’t you all just retire?

Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.

Lyrics that are just plain dumb.
Hear my cry for help.
Hear me using these three words,
Gregorian Chant Now!
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.